Recommended OOO Reply for Furloughed Government Employees. "Currently out of the office trying to get my BMI below 27. I'll probably be back in 6 years. Toodles, (Your Name) PS: Do you suppose that members of the National Parks get to care for Gummy Bears?"

Well-behaved hacks rarely make laughter.

I thought the right was against cancelling people for speech?

If only the dead guy were cancelled for making fun of the other dead guy and all those dead kids years ago then he'd be alive, his wife would still have a husband, his kids would still have a father, and a bunch of people on social media would still have jobs.

Doctor I trust more than RFK Jr.

Let's not and say "we didn't."

1. Not Corey Haim (Something Corey Feldman mentioned in an interview) 2. Not a prostitute.

You know his not finding Skyler on Hinge anymore means? CONGRATULATIONS ON YOU ENGAGEMENT, SKYLAR!

Man: It's that time of the election cycle where Cory Booker has to signal that he is not gay. Woman: Cory Booker is gay? Man: I don't know, but his advisors certainly want us to believe his is straight when primary talk starts heating up.

The recent rumor mill reminded me of this classic song about Daves www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nvz...

Have they found Dave yet?

Tom Clancy's "The Feminist Mystique"

Please support one of the best comics publishers in the world - they're facing an existential threat. blog.fantagraphics.com/the-fantagra...

For the last time, I don't need a 16,500 yen Smeggin' toaster!

The Shimonoseki Kitakyushu Phoenix baseball team in Japan just announced they are bringing Banana Ball to Japan in the form of Crazy Ball starting on November 22nd 2025. I'm kind of excited about this, but I might not be able to make the opening game. #bananaball crazyball2025.sun.bindcloud.jp

When I see a helicopter I sometimes say, "It's a heel-o-copter airplane!" I also like saying "Kids come running for the great taste of (blank)" when I see a group of running kids.

Ned Flanders: Jesus Christ, what a pussy.

Heterosexuality: Where even the most vanilla acts are imbued with coded meaning because it's degrading.

RFK Jr is the Walter Freeman of the 21st century.

I checked the P-value in many child raising studies and 2.4 is the ideal number of abuse incidents needed to make a functional adult. 3 usually puts the child at genius talent levels but they typically die at around 27 years old.

If I were running for president, I would just toss these at rallies. I'm going to make America Good for Once, and if anyone tries to stop me I will make them go, "crunch." If anyone called my commentary a threat, I would just say, "Crunchy Peanuty Chocolate Goodness isn't a threat, it is a treat."

Dumb YouTube Video Idea: 3 Ninjas High Noon on Mega Mountain: Cursed Movie?

I wonder why fascism thrives when the current generation's idea of success is literally trying to "Dusty Finish" their way to the top of the heap rather than actually being good people or (at the very least) being good at anything?

This is probably what Jonah Hill should look like for making Allen Gregory.

During times like these, I feel compelled to say, "Our well-regulated militia strikes again."

Obligatory Bill Hicks www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxjy...

I'm a patient in a modern medical drama. I will show up to the ER in perfect health. Within 60 seconds I'll be collapsing to the floor, shitting blood, and crashing out.

You overacted about the idea of wokeness and COVID quarantins, of course they think you are a baby. I personally think you are a baby.

Exclusive: Pam Bondi Before Her Cornea Were Scratched

There's a Garfield and Friends episode where Jon nags Garfield about the stuff he bought. One item he cites is "a battery-operated battery changer that is only good for changing its own batteries" We live in the "battery-operated battery changer that is only good for changing its own batteries" age

Trump: There is no way my good friend Robert Kline could possibly have noticed my doodling while I was at school. The man can't stop moving his leg and is a threat to humanity.

Using AI chatbot for required AI research. Let's call is EZChat Me: Can you do blah-blah? EZ: Of course there are many AI platforms that can do this. Me: Can EZChat do this? EZ: I'm sorry. I'm unfamiliar with this EZChat you speak of. If you would like EZChat to help you research EZChat.

BREAKING: Thing you lived without since birth is more important than something you can't live without.

QAnon Clark Griswold is manhandling MAGA John Candy around the Epstein Island Theme Park with an air pistol because he ruined his family only to be told, "Sorry, folks. The case is closed."

I've been "gladly pay you Tuesday-ing" my hamdergers for the past half a year. Someone is going to break my legs.

Me: Jesus, why were there two and a half sets of footprints during my most difficult times? Jesus: This was when I was following you with a severed leg on a fishing pole for a laugh. Me: 😭

SO: You should use AI. You can practice Japanese. Me: Okay. AI, can you practice a conversation with me and give me advice? AI: Sure. Me: Where are you from? AI: I'm AI, don't come from anywhere. Me: Can you invent a persona for yourself to answer my questions? I want to practice speaking.

Every time I get into a taxi. リン、ここは場所じゃないよ。 Thanks Duolingo... Thanks local taxi drivers who don't know where things are.

Congratulations Japan. You survived the doomsday prophecy of a comic book writer.

McDonald's Japan currently has a Big Mac x I Feel Coke ad campaign encouraging people to order a Big Mac and a Coke to get a nostalgic feeling. The ad features characters from the anime Kimagure Orange Road, Macross, and Maison Ikkoku.

2004 Illinois Senate election is about to take place. It is Barack Obama vs. Alan Keyes. I'm talking with a coworker. Me: I'm not sure who is voting for Alan Keyes. Coworker: I'm going to leave that section blank. Me: Why? Coworker: Because Obama said that he wants to kill all white people.

It is a good thing Gallagher is dead. I don't think he could survive watermelon being deemed illegal by the government.

Fear of an Angrily-Worded Letter

Booker C and the MT Suits

Please, Donald, Don't Hurt 'em* * - But we won't do anything to stop you.

Straight Outta HR.

It can also be 5-2-3.5-5 1-3-4-1 if making a pentagram.

I say this often, the man released YouTube videos of his weekly standup routines that rival HBO specials in quality, humor, and cohesiveness. Highly recommended

Olay's new video is pretty interesting. Did your favorite old show age poorly or was it and the discussions surrounding it, perhaps, a cultural byproduct that helped society mature a little bit more? Do shows that refuse to sunset (ex: Law and Order) prevent societal maturity?