'out of the three mass shootings today'

the total for my dinner was $9.11 and I was the only one that laughed.

we also have these 🤑

Come see me Saturday afternoon!!! If you buy one of these I'll give it a little good luck smooch for free (if you want)

holy shit

lock him up

I'm here you fuckass bitch

why did I immediately think of @thebarehandyman.bsky.social

Every Mamdani ad - EVERY AD - I start crying. Not because I'm happy or angry or any other emotion I /should/ feel about an ad. I start crying because I'm so deeply full of grief for what I thought our country (and our world!) was about. I'm grieving because this shouldn't be revolutionary.

I just had a mean idea that I can't get out of my head are Gen z doing socks with sandals bc they don't know how to tie shoes?? (surely not right) ( (lol not/knot) )

I'm not depressed, I'm just paying attention

tbh if I were going to do something like this, I would write some bullshit like this that's "obviously" a plant. there's no way to know what's real life any more and we're all on this crazy rollercoaster together, so how about those Epstein files and maybe another impeachment? please?

Same vibe.

I skipped school last night and everyone was wondering if I happened to be the only one raptured 😂😂😂 what a prank on the neovangelicals that would be if I am the one that gets to go to The Good Place

This is a serious post and I'm not joking at all, do we have numbers yet on how many religious fanatics killed their families yesterday as part of the rapture? I'm deeply curious how they're reacting to not flying into the sky, and scared for their kids.

Them: Imagine a world full of autistic people! Me: OK

I have taken the Tylenol that was in the medicine cabinet and which they think probably is the reason you like trains forgive me but that’s bullshit you got autism from your dad

IT IS TIME.

1. Vaccines do not cause autism 2. Tylenol does not cause autism 3. Autistic people are actually pretty swell So many more thoughts but too angry/frustrated by this bullshit to pull it together. Sending a hug to all my neurodivergent friends and family. Love those freaky wonderful brains of yours.

Hey a thing I really don’t want to get lost here is that while Tylenol doesn’t cause autism, IT’S FINE TO BE AUTISTIC. Let’s not grant them the premise that autism should be eradicated in our way to correct the science, okay? Okay.

this little friend just landed on my hand and stayed for a while??

i wish 'disney adults' going medieval rn had the same energy for harry potter.

dead named and wrong pronouns multiple times, and they insisted on saying "well woman exam" every step of the way guess it's time to find a new doctor

I think it’s high time we take back the national narrative. For centuries Americans of all races, genders, religions, and abilities have worked to create a more perfect union, and we should shout from the rooftops that WE are America. Not these idiot white supremacist authoritarians.

Hey do you like vintage silverware? We need to raise some funds FAST for medicine. The screenshot is from FB. We don't have a bsky for the rescue (yet), so you can chat w me and I'll help! If you don't want this cute stuff you can also donate: www.capedcrusaderscr.org/additional-m...

Its officially wear a hoodie in the morning and regret it in the afternoon' weather.

to be clear I invented this special ™️™️™️™️™️ and it's the same price as if you asked for a shot of grape vodka

we have a new special called Have A Grape Day (it's just a shot of grape vodka) come see me tonight and try one!!!!!

Nancy Mace taking credit for infrastructure investments that she voted against is like not chipping in for pizza and taking the first slice. As Congressman, I'll always fight to strengthen our roads, bridges, and ports. The Lowcountry deserves better.

is there anything better than a fresh tamale? (no.)

Perfection.

same, and I want to be in it

I keep hearing people say that after this everything is just going to get even worse, but it’s worth recognizing that before this everything was also just getting even worse.

The people wondering "how could anyone who isn't a professional escape after a high profile daylight assassination" are forgetting two things: 1. Cops are bad at their jobs 2. The FBI used to be somewhat better at their jobs and were recently gutted by political layoffs

The right doesn't care that they're hypocrites. You know 1 reason why? B/c they think one set of rules applies to them, & another applies to "Them", that is, everyone they don't like. It's central to the ideology. I'm not saying don't point it out, but pretending good faith will just make you crazy.

If Kirk's killing prompts you to say we're irredeemable, but the assassination of Minnesota legislators didn't, I don't even know what to say to you.

Charlie KIrk believed that empathy was a "new concept" that shouldn't exist, so anyone who expresses condolences for him is being VERY disrespectful to his beliefs right now. please keep him out of your thoughts as he begins his transition into worm food. thank you

You are under no obligation to mourn the death of people who would’ve celebrated yours.

Here's something that needs to be stressed: no amount of saying "political violence is never acceptable" is going to make Republicans NOT do more political violence and become more extreme. They were doing that anyway and it's literally not possible for them to do that faster than they already are.

Forgive me if I care way more about the school shooting that also took place today than I do about Charlie Kirk.

For everyone saying political violence has no place in this country… Remember two Democratic legislators were shot in Minnesota just this year. And America shrugged and moved on.

My main observation from the last few hours of monitoring US social media is that Democrats are universally denouncing political violence and calling for calm while MAGA are escalating language and openly lusting for retribution against broad categories of people they identity as their enemies.

I'm seeing multiple politicians posting "Political violence has no place in our country." I think it's time we stop trying to take the high road when they're murdering us in the streets, kidnapping us, sending us to foreign prisons. Political Violence seems like it might be necessary.

Do your mental health a favor and turn this on for today. You really don't want to watch this. It is awful.

I'm not sure how it took me so long but I just learned about Etruscan Shrews and I'm obsessed 😍 youtu.be/IbIbz7OCvBU?... They're the size of an almond????

- you clean up that banksy? - sure did, your honour, leaving a perfect, permanent outline, imbuing the work with real fuckin gravitas while making its point better than the artist did himself just like you asked

😀

It Only Tuesday https://theonion.com/it-only-tuesday-1819569397/