We're calling it a Bird Nap everybody. Might take one myself!!

I’m gonna eat all the chocolate I got for Christmas and see if it fixes my broken feelings.

Are we all taking naps before the game?

There’s so much time til the Birds game. What am I supposed to do?

Lotta Birds photos and gifs getting posted today. So this is my reminder that if you don’t alt-text them, you don’t want everyone else to be able to ‘Go Birds’ with you. Show you care about your community and just set the requirement to make it easier on everyone. Go Birds.

315am and I’m still wide awake. Gonna make for an interesting Sunday.

My burps taste like Applebees.

I got one of those ‘pick where you want a gift card from’ gift cards. Someone convince me turning one into $50 of Taco Bell to eat on New Year’s Eve isn’t a good idea.

Why is there a commercial for ‘collectors edition’ body wash? Who’s out here saving old spice for future generations?

My sister’s birfday dinner is at Outback at 5. Do I want to drive to a nearby Outback and spend $25 on a chicken breast to celebrate virtually? Or do I want to go to Applebees and get a 2 for $25 and eat the second entree for breakfast while half-assing the virtual dinner participation?

Gonna have to put on pants and shoes soon to go outside and chop up the ice on the sidewalk and let me tell you reader, I am not looking forward to it.

Don’t forget to wish my sister a happy birfday.

My milk is dated Monday so you know what that means for meals this weekend.

Catching up on Ken Burns’s Revolution show at 7am on a Saturday.

What’s the coolest thing you got for winter solstice adjacent gift giving time this year?

Is half a lemon meringue pie a healthy dinner? Asking for a lazy person eating their feelings.

Someone go bring in all the Christmas presents from my car so I don’t have to put on pants and shoes.

Is it time to start eating my feelings for 3 straight days yet?

If I haven’t told you recently that I appreciate having you on my life, you should work on that. Step up your game.

I know that I’m at the end of my rope and I can’t even afford what little rope I have.

I’m staying in bed all day and hoping that fixes all of my problems

Soundtrack for the drive back from my parents’ house tonight was: Red City Radio: Paradise Catbite: Nice One Authority Zero: Broadcasting to the Nations Atom and His Package: A Society of People Named Elihu Mad Caddies: Consensual Selections No Use For A Name: Keep Them Confused

I love when the lip syncing is obvious.

Gotta figure out a recipe for a sweet Chex Mix that uses this.

Dad is making jokes about how chaotic ‘Ann Archy’ must’ve been to get that as her legacy.

This is the only thing I specifically asked for this Christmas and I’ve already received 4 boxen just in my stocking.

Who put vanilla in the scrambled eggs?

Teaching my mom how QR codes work and wrapping up with some version of ‘they are convenient but suck and you should never scam any you don’t know what it’s going to’.

My dad is making breakfast. And complaining about the inconsistency of his stove burners while doing it.

Do I have to make it to Christmas Eve Midnight or Christmas Day Midnight to survive Whamageddon?

Did Santa come yet?

Do you parents keep their house ungodly warmer or ungodly colder than you keep yours? Asking from this house that feels like an oven. Also, why are all the tvs so loud?

Hey everyone, I just got told we have to cover our eyes cuz Santa is coming early so he can go to bed. You’re still allowed to hang out in the living room but no peeking!

Just broke my thumbnail setting up my sister’s dog crate. How long am I allowed to hold this over her head?

Playlist driving to my parents’: WHYY Wanamaker show Bad Religion Process of Belief/Stranger Than Fiction/Christmas Songs Me First We Are Diva Suburban Legends Dance Like Nobody’s Watching Voodoo Glow Skulls Firme Whole Wheat Bread Hearts of Hoodlums/Punk Life/Minority Rules No Use More Betterness

How the hell can you have an outdoor hockey game in Miami? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of the ‘winter’ classic?

Dinner has been pushed back to 6pm tomorrow night for reasons unknown to me.

Who wants to decide what I pack for my parents’ house for 36 hours.

What are we all doing tonight?

My body has decided I need to take a nap for dinner.

Almost time to put on pants and go buy a bunch of $3 presents.

Why am I so sleepy.

Going out around noon so this really is your last chance.

Gotta do laundry soon so I can pack for my parents’ house cuz I’m gonna be there like 36 hours.

I’ve only posted 9000 times in the 10 months I’ve had this account? F’n rookie numbers. I’ve heard tales of some kid who posted like 3000 times in one Super Bowl weekend.

Gonna go apply for a bunch of job roles I’m not qualified for at midnight cuz what else is there to do?

I’m not hungry, I’m just bored and looking for stimulation.

My mom says Christmas Eve Dinner is at 5 so make sure you’re on time. Also, she says I have to wear pants. She didn’t say if you have to.

Wait, New Year Treat for Taskmaster is 2 eps this series?

Time for Taskmaster CoC4 I promise no spoilers.