happy first day of fall

code red anxiety today boys

albums that will cure your depression

s l i m e

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if you don't like The Offspring then maybe you should have hired a different funeral stripper

best wisdom I could ever give anyone is if you see somebody describing themself as an influencer, they are already internally decomposed and you should run the other direction

at a park with a friend and some kids keep screaming off in the trees somewhere and sounding like monsters so i screamed back at them and they all stopped screaming and now I'm sad

DON'T send us this stuff but DO send us other stuff

this is Eggs. Please help Eggs (and me). Dental surgery + kidney care has really bodyslammed me. I could have done one or the other, but both has really put me in the red and I have my own expansive-but-necessary dental surgery coming up.

do you think flo and mayhem have ever explored each other's bodies

w h a t

25 yr old coworker: do you wanna hear something super embarrassing? i have, like, 2000 pins on pinterest of this kpop band i like me, cracking my knuckles & rolling up my sleeves to dive into my tumblr archive & count up the posts in my one direction tag: lol, lmao, hold my beer

important update?! is this guy simply out of his fucking mind or

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

the tshirt I'm wearing as jammies rn is so old and worn out you can see my titty veins through it lmao

coworker: "I'm doing the normal lesbian pastime right now of looking at pictures of shirtless guys on pinterest"

jokes about the confederacy are always funny, but you gotta think about it in terms of "Supernatural lasted 5x longer than the Confederacy", which is absolutely hysterical

just overheard the new guy at work say "before the lord got ahold of my heart i was actually in a coven in new jersey" and i so badly wanna be like wow my condolences at what a shit nosedive your life has taken

i know it makes me sound like an old cranky bitch set in my ways but all that shit makes me so uncomfortable and it's making people even shittier drivers and i will never want a car that i can't just drive

listening to a co-worker talk about all the crazy shit her car does on its own rn and feeling especially fond of my old as hell blissfully dumb car that makes me do everything myself and has no screens or sensors that slam on the brakes or voices popping up out of the blue etc

!?!?!?

what the fuck does THIS mean?!

4/5 this was so so so fun and good @bonniequinn.bsky.social hell yeah i can't wait for more www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

"Sir, this is a [HOWLING OF MILLIONS OF DEMONS OF HELL]."

risking being late for work bc i can't leave my car until the one direction song on the radio is over

hey

wtf does this mean even

I was voted "Most Enthusiastic" in my trepanning class

there’s a string that pokes through my skin and hangs between my shoulder blades and if you pull on it all my bones come out

lmao there are so many errors in this!! it's distracting as fuck!!! the author keeps forgetting he's not meant to be writing in first person and slipping "me" & "my" in. a whole ass sentence was abandoned halfway through. random words are just someone totally not correct?? wtf bruv?!

Bloodthirsty ghouls! Today is the LAST DAY to pre-order a signed & personalized copy of Bob Pastorella's brutal vampire novel THE SMALL HOURS. Get it here: ghoulish.rip/product/the-... written by @bobpastorella.com edited by @garbagesauce.bsky.social cover art by @bettyrocksteady.bsky.social

hollering "THESE TITTIES" at my tv during the prize task of the new ep of taskmaster (prize task prompt was "very soft things beneficial to greg")

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go read @garbagesauce.bsky.social's excellent essay and then buy this magazine!!!

i made some little Halloween decorations for my cubicle the other night and when i came in today this lil guy was waiting on my desk :3

every time i see normies promoting “spicy books” it’s the worst coochie drying slop i have ever seen omg i am BEGGING authors to learn a thing or two from ao3

what a fucking way to find out magic is real

I do not understand the mindset that makes liberals express sympathy for someone who would have absolutely celebrated if the roles were reversed, like bro, have some god damned self respect

You can literally go to his IG right now & watch videos of him claiming trans people are evil & should not exist. People who simply want to live undisturbed & be happy. People who never did a fucking thing to anybody. Nah I don’t think I’ll waste any energy at all feeling bad for someone so pathetic