i want a strega nona firecracker shake, my hair braided, a horrendous makeover, and $2k in pointless yuppie food on a credit card i can't afford

you're 35. you've chosen both the person and passion to be the loves of your life, and you've never been hotter. you make friends everywhere you go without trying, and adore the ones you choose to keep. you have a home, a book, and velcro pets. i love you. happy birthday 🖤

got a lot of love in my life and can't contain the gratitude. thank you so much 🖤

on sundays she picked flowers 🤝 slewfoot

💛💛💛

i was born at 11:18 a.m. on Monday, Feb. 11, 1991 when a benevolent crone hacked me out of a cursed willow tree, lacquered me with the blood of a goat, and sent me out into the world without a lick of sense.

Screaming happy birthday to the best person I know, who just happens to be my partner. I love you, @ewhag.com!

michael busts his ass, not just to provide for our family and make us proud, but to make his younger self proud and to keep promises to himself. he's a beautiful person, a fabulously talented writer, and the most deserving human of achieving their dreams. love him so much 🖤

i was born at 11:18 a.m. on Monday, Feb. 11, 1991 when a benevolent crone hacked me out of a cursed willow tree, lacquered me with the blood of a goat, and sent me out into the world without a lick of sense.

got a lot of love in my life and can't contain the gratitude. thank you so much 🖤

such a satisfying read that you should read if you're looking for a read

go wish @ewhag.com a happy birthday and buy their book immediately 🪦✨

you're 35. you've chosen both the person and passion to be the loves of your life, and you've never been hotter. you make friends everywhere you go without trying, and adore the ones you choose to keep. you have a home, a book, and velcro pets. i love you. happy birthday 🖤

michael busts his ass, not just to provide for our family and make us proud, but to make his younger self proud and to keep promises to himself. he's a beautiful person, a fabulously talented writer, and the most deserving human of achieving their dreams. love him so much 🖤

Well well well. Look what just arrived. The @baseballprospectus.com Annual is HERE. And I was able to contribute for the first time 🥲

When I tell you we had a blast with this, we had a BLAST with this. Meghan is the best person, and I'm glad that she came to chop it up with us. We went an hour 40 on this packed episode that also had Northwestern's Grace Sullivan joining the program. Check out the show: #NCAAWBB I #WBB

they sold us onesies as bodysuits but i'm not mad just slightly chafed

oh no too dark too dark for the tl

sometimes life is the forgotten furby in your childhood closet that says, "wWwWhaAaA" randomly one night. and sometimes you are the furby, waking up in the dark, wailing. forgotten. have a good one!

the *moment* a man or misogynist says, "well, yeah" to your distress, as if you should have seen it coming, instead of showing concern for you — run. i mean it. get away from them. they are dangerous.

theres an interesting conversation about loud music being part of rape culture because it's all about men needing to monopolize time, control, and attention. i think another piece of this that needs to be explored is how bored men are in society, and how assault is a spectrum of amusement for them.

one time last year i put some cat snacks in the bathroom cabinet for emergencies and forgot all about them. rory did too. until tonight. i threw said cat snacks away. still. he hollers.

deep cut, coming right up

I arrived too late to an abduction yesterday. Ice vehicles boxed in a food delivery driver on the highway. They took him, and when I came on the scene (with a few other neighbors in cars), his keys were still in it. We found his phone, a debit card, his car title and registration.

Remember to tell people that things have NOT DEESCALATED. Pulling 700 agents means there's 2,300 agents on our streets, terrorizing us and kidnapping our neighbors.

just remembered it's F13 week 🥹🖤

So, this little ANGEL returned 2 weeks ago on a night it was going to hit 0 degrees down here. She came right up to me and was the sweetest. I was able to take her to my vet, her her vaccinated and fixed. I just got word that she - Helga, 7 years old - was adopted this morning for her forever home 🥲

can i bring my cat to work i promise he'll just sleep in my lap and eat all the food

SUBS OPEN SATURDAY ☠️

keep following and unfollowing me

beating your fucking ass with kindness and consideration

also this is a blast you'll love it

*grabs copy of ottessa moshfegh's lapvona* that's it. i'm gonna go find a cave, commune with the forest, and replace my eyes with those of a horse. leave me alone.

like. what if we didn't play the game that punishes differences and runs on innocent blood in the name of representation. what if. i'm so tired of everyone taking their poison crumbs and calling it progress.

1/ ProPublica collected handwritten letters in mid-January from children held at the Dilley Immigration Processing Center, the same facility where 5-year-old Liam Conejo Ramos was taken. Hundreds of kids are still detained. We’ll let the children’s words speak for themselves. 🧵

and everyone else 🖤

do i know any professional birth chart readers 👀

and another

everyone is going from consuming the epstein files the same way they check their fantasy lineup to tuning into a giant mainstream sex-trafficking event. survivors aren't hysterical — your pastime is abuse.

an all-time favorite

rent-free

new morning affirmation: “in spite of the many lies that spew from the mouths of ghouls, i’m right where i’m goddamned supposed to be”

let's braid our gray hairs together to curse the pedophiles

🎶 believing you're behind in life is how fascism wins 🎶

what kind of therapy slaps the birthday sads right out of you and into the people who deserve it

love eating in places that are too fancy for me 🖤

Since we're talking about William Castle a bunch tonight, I thought I'd share my tribute to POPCORN again since it's a wonderful love letter to Castle's passion for immersive cinematic experiences. #TheLastDriveIn

Picked up a shift at—

rewatching 🪓