this is the most millennial dad joke ever conceived

I've built a socioeconomic system that depends on everyone to do useful work and act ethically except the people at the top, who get unimaginable rewards for being antisocial frauds and criminals. And I think it will stand the test of time

The new VERY hagriographic Michael Jackson biopic starring MJ's nephew is out at the end of the month. But back in 2004 an unauthorised and EQUALLY flattering biopic was made in Canada. Here is a clip and I promise you have NO idea where it's going. I haven't done a single edit here.

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me. It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

I just woke up from a nap and somehow while I was asleep, everyone on the bus has figured out we are not going to the right place

"Facism is the act of self-deception in service of making your own life more painful, solely for the payoff of making life more painful for people you dislike."

Friday

[noticing a group of people having a nice time at the park] enjoy your echo chamber

Sometimes you don't realize how much you say "ooh la la" till they play your 911 call on the local news

KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag. KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense. KOKO: jealousy professor

The ship was the pride of the American side coming back from some mill in Wisconsin. As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most, with a crew and good captain well seasoned. Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms, when they left fully loaded for Cleveland, and later that night when

The DNC, 2024.

There’s a lot that the democrats could have done differently. Personally I would have liked them to go far left rather than try to court moderate voters. But I get the strategy; “maybe we can give people an out if they personally find Trump gross.” But the thing is,

its just gonna be voting out the incumbent over and over as people keep being frustrated that things arent improving and keep swapping out who's in power and hoping it makes a difference.

yo im gettin a LOBOTOMY

Fighting fascism with witty epithets is taking longer than I thought