me: these fireworks are so quiet wife: those are palm trees

Juno Dawson's Her Majesty's Royal Coven series (2 books so far) which is hilarious, and witches, and feels like a necessary middle finger to jkrowling. 5stars, highly recommend.

Anyone remember the Holga age? They were doing amazing things with planes back then

Ever have a knife drop off the rack, fall between the outlet & the plug, and get scored and absolutely chewed up? Electricity is some wild stuff

I am the person that Hunter Biden keeps sending all the photos of himself smoking crack. I just give him the little thumbs-up response or a polite "haha nice."

Last night me left a muffin on the nightstand for this morning me 🥲

hello bluesky apparently it's possible that the 600 posts a day thing is cover for the fact that twitter is fucking ddosing itself lmao

I wrote about a new study which shows that bottlenose dolphin mothers have a baby voice. When talking to their infants, they raise and broaden their pitch, just as human caregivers do. 🧪 https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2023/06/dolphin-calf-communication-baby-talk/674499/

I’m inside and a mosquito just tried to bite my PHONE! Michigan you’re crazy

I bet other countries are gonna think twice now before letting a hot dog vendor amass a private army recruited from prisons

June 14, 2023 The Canadian fires have the air smelling like cologne that your teenager made in the early 2000s

Waltine Nauta is my favorite Star Wars Extended Universe character and it's a shame Disney hasn't given him a show or at least a cameo. He was a Sullustan bounty hunter who loved Tevraki whiskey and when he catered Dengar's wedding to Manaroo it really showed a new side of his personality

corporate_find_the_difference.gif

photographing an upsettingly tiny cow with the boys

Michigan is amazing

THEM: Delete Facebook ME (and FB Memories):

Ernest Borgnine's been dead for over a decade when are they going to release Ernest Borgten

Bathroom attendant is all like, I got Altoids, I got Brut, I got Orbit gum, I got some three-year-old satellite images of suspected North Korean bunker construction

IN GLADIS WE TRUST

brb starting a new business selling personality to guys wearing this shirt

We were somewhere around Bluesky when the skeets began to take hold.

I hope everybody takes this opportunity to be as rude to fascists as possible. Make them cry.

ACAB includes people who aren't cops but have vehicles that look like cop vehicles.

while most of you are likely yelling GO SPECIAL PROSECUTOR or GO ATTORNEY GENERAL I’m yelling GO TRAVIS VIEW AND THE RULE OF POSTS

Anti-Semitism is very appealing to zillionaire oligarchs, from Ford to Musk, because it allows them to go "a small group of rich elites is manipulating everything in politics, the media and finance, not me though, definitely not me"

My Maine Coon has to get a haircut because his hair is wildly matted. Gotta be the lion cut with the lil booties right? 😻

Irises have to be the most “I’ll get there when I get there” flower

Neither of my kids wants to have kids, but it’s simply not fair that I can’t buy this as a grandpa

10¢ at a garage sale. This book is next level

Starting to drink coffee again for Focus Reasons. I thought there might be an “ew icky coffee” moment but DAMN does it taste good. Guess once you develop the taste it never leaves

One of my fave signs so far

1. Do not live in a country that could be mercilessly bombed on the advice of Henry Kissinger

Good morning. Enjoy this photographic fallout of my argument w folks claiming Ohio is more clean than Michigan

Jimmy Butler is cold as hell

We can’t destroy these megacompanies from the outside. We need heroes like the utter dweeb from Discovery who refused to compromise on the name 🫡

So excited for my awesome couch

Nature is done healing. Nature is ready to wound.

Throwback to 8 years ago in this weird totally closed & creepy terminal at the Denver Airport

Bluesky is rapidly coalescing around the shared foundational value of Fuck Those Boats.

Orca whales right now

Sonic on a speedrun against the fourth Reich

Jimmy Kimmel came to bluesky & was immediately hellthreaded