me when the unbearable moment feels like it might never end: c’mon inexorable forward march of time, don’t fail me now

FINE. DONT WASH YOUR ASS AARON. IDGAF YOU STINKY INGRATE

I jerked him now

cherenkov radiation would be a beautiful name for a little girl

dear diary, today i discovered that underneath the cloth, cloth mother was wire mother all along

they should make red bull brand batteries that look like little cans of red bull. it would be stupid and everbody would be like gimme a break but they would also be secretly delighted to put little cans of red bull in their tv remote

apparently it’s tourist season which is a thing here now thanks to the movie

pussy eating allergy shots for the husband who’s allergic to eating pussy

went to town to pick up lunch and it feels like a friday afternoon everyone has off, the park is full of people on blankets, there are crowds of people looking at statues together and reading pamphlets, i don’t know what’s going on. all the parking spots are taken by hot rods.

do any sheriffs follow me

science can tell us that jack jumped over the candlestick but it can’t tell us why he did

I can't believe I'm in the position of needing a job. But why is this my problem? Surely one of you will help me out. Okay stop sitting on your ass and get up and get me a fucking job.

dischorse not NOO

i just figured out how to instantly reverse global warming. unfortunately, it’s too based for the left, and obviously too woke for the right

i assume i am not the first parent to come up with a jingle for is it water or is it pee

i thought no way is graham platner that dumb but im starting to come around

in short, trump can’t defeat iran militarily because they’re dug in and we literally cannot stop them from nuking tel aviv let alone from incinerating any tanker in the persian gulf, and he can’t negotiate a peace because he negotiates in bad faith and can’t be trusted, he can only delay defeat

i watched these old guys who obviously knew what they were talking about explain in a lot of detail why iran has enough uranium to make ten to twenty nukes and they already have rockets to deliver them with a flawless track record of penetrating the iron dome

i double post all the time but nobody gets mad because i post good so when i do it’s twice as nice

genetically engineered meat based thc

The music of Seinfeld, divorced from the show itself, is nothing short of disgusting. Imagine if the show didn’t exist but the music somehow did. Hearing it, your face would twist in angry revulsion

i can’t appeal my suspension because of a bug where it lets me log in and look at posts but i can’t interact or even look at my own profile

tillamook farmstyle shreds are delicious but way too big. what is going on at oregon farms that they can’t shred cheese very good

ohh it just clicked that the dunkaroos snacks have a kangaroo in jeans because it sounds like dungaroos which they call jeans in australia

their manifesto is out, the shooters were two men, they were accelerationists and yet you’re gonna see this lie spread:

they said i can’t come to the orgy anymore because i keep saying funny things and making people laugh and it’s too distracting

Our parents were really like “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” and then destroyed the middle class forever

I made a new dumb thing because I wanted it. Jankify! Upload an image and get it back in emoji, pixel art, ascii, polygons, and [request here]. No AI. dr.eamer.dev/jankify

currently in tears over these two dogs

“bla bla bla, i’m stupid, all my opinions are bad” this is what most of you sound like to everyone

if oj simpson were innocent his story would be so tragic m

i’m not giving my best for any llc, no employer i’ve ever had made me want to do anything but embezzlement

wait so anne hathaway isn’t in a gundam movie then?

you’re telling my a tiny jocky rides this disc

You think you’d like it all. youtu.be/n5Q8BaXbU20?...

and that’s game

my kid just asked if i was born yet in the 1800s. i said yeah

Live shot of me paying my taxes

I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN

Check this shit out motherfucker [I go on a bizarre ban spree and crash my website, its not clear what kind of feature I was trying to vibecode]

A Remora found hitching a ride on a human. (Cr: Hola Fishing) Their distinctive first dorsal fins take the form of a sucker-like organ with slat-like structures that open and close to create suction and take a firm hold against the skin of larger marine animals like sharks and dolphins. #nature

he's been striking out lately but this post is a home run ngl

nun-solicited dick pics

the president he just wants to get his beak wet. just enough to wet his beak. his beak, it's so dry. he just wants to wet his beak. just enough to wet his beak