pricked my finger on a cursed needle and now i'm gay, this always happens to me

the locked groove at the end of the record is the original youtube poop

wooing her with my self insert zoombini fan fiction, at this rate we’ll be married by year’s end

showing up for my first day as the new duplomat and getting fired because i only brought a truckload of large plastic building blocks

its actually legal for my cat to drive drunk, it says so on this license i made for her

if heaven is real its a redwall feast in the sky

your foreshortening lesson for the day

loudly doing a countdown in public and then leaving right before i get to 1

trilling two thirds with one tone

drilling, “tooth hurts!”, with one moan

filling two yurts with one home

milling two querns with one stone

grilling two birds for one scone

did they ever do a robocock porn parody

it’s gonna be an aight night tonight it’s gonna be an aight day tomorrow

how does the post office know where i live

hey can i borrow your tractor i want to uproot all my neighbors trees as a prank

new dream car just dropped

i lost my entire life saving in 2016 spending it on vines. every time i tell someone they say "there was nothing to pay for on vine???" sounds like a skill issue buddy!

used to grow weed in here but now i’m gonna turn it into a daily meditation spot and little music room

i would rather suck off a .44 magnum than voluntarily sit down and watch any firefly, new or old.

a house is not a home until you have an active subwoofer in each room

in the 00s i used to be able to feed my family of four just by reading unscrubbed EXIF data on people’s photos

i think i finally have a non-messy, cheap way to deal with thermal compound when scrapping electronics for precious metal recovery (if this was old i would be wearing gloves, old thermal compound is carcinogenic beryllium oxide)

a couple that memes together, creams together

if they made it today they’de have to call it Married Without Children because food is too damn expensive

this not posting about feelings this is hard as hell god damn

cat TV

fucking told you

zeugma balls

found gold at the thrift store

swag in the place that you live

not killing yourself is self care

it's no coincidence that BTC is an anagram of Cock and Ball Torture

i dropped my macromolecules now they're all mixed up

soundcloud rapper jeff benzos

it's tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme aight on time

this is real good youraislopbores.me

don’t ever ask me “did you know?” i already know too much, i don’t need to know anything new

whats the band that sings about Whipping It? DARVO?

the beloved cryptid monthman

friday, everybody

as i was falling asleep last night i realized the importance of free acid ions in an electrolyte solution. felt so silly for not realizing sooner. i’m sure we can all relate

imagine the butterfly in the reading rainbow intro. some joker comes up to you and exclaims they can do what you’re doing twice as good. thats what it feels like if a post hits the discover feed

prog rock is short for progesterone rock

tbh once i’m a worm i will be too focused my own personal growth & hobbies to care whether you still love me

i used to know a guy named Tugboat Willie he was famous for his handies at the gloryholes around here

in the 00s i used to be able to feed my family of four just by reading unscrubbed EXIF data on people’s photos

comic sans implies the existence of drama sans and action thriller sans

winning the love of a fair maiden by defeating her suitor at a competitive game of devil sticks