Not my son going "hello coffee stain" to the rug in the kitchen every time he comes in here

Fucked up that I'm sick again!!!

What good is AI when you can't tell it to blur the faces of all the ugly fuckers in the Trump family from my tl

A couple of days ago I was home alone for a 9 hour stretch for the first time in like 2.5 years and it was so nice and quiet that I couldn't bring myself to listen to music. I'm still riding that high of complete silence

Imagining what phone sex with rfk would be like

Elon being the richest man on earth feels like a monkey paw wish where the pay off is also being the cringiest man on earth

Are we back here now?

@inanity101.bsky.social oh my goooooood i've been wondering for so long what happened to you! searched loads on twitter to see if you made another account! HELLO FRIEND

When are the damn DMs coming? I really wanna move over here asap

My life is being so consumed by Music League atm that I'm struggling to do any normal internetting

Love coming home and discovering the cat sitter has used up half a bottle of my super expensive shampoo that i had hidden, blocked the kitchen sink and pissed all over the floor. My cat is alive though

It's nice here

It's insane that someone can appear really cool and normal and then they post 40 meme account IG stories in a row about what life is like when you're in your 30s (backaches and 90s nostalgia apparently)

‘We cannot keep up with the volume of her turds’, says a knowledgeable source. ‘We call her Tubgirl’, says another.

accidentally ate a whole mango

People are fleeing here and it's barely loading. God wants me to be offline

I will never forgive Jamie Oliver for pushing his agenda to get Brits "healthier" and being part of the sugar tax lobbying. They've been putting aspartame in every fucking soda here since like 2018 so the only sugary one left is Coca-Cola

I let my son try my gelato for the first time and he just stared back and clearly said "yum". It's still cracking me up as it's not something we've taught him

should i buy a new pair of airmax 90? y/y

imagine feeling sorry for billionaires voluntarily paying an absolute fortune to sit in a lil metal tube and sniffing each others farts

Made a ragu for father's day dinner but it hadn't stewed long enough for my liking so I went to get KFC instead and now I feel sick

Lost a hat on Monday, found a new one on Tuesday and a second one on Wednesday. Today g*d sent me a third one but it was ugly so I left it. Things are right in the world

Finally got on this shit #MyFirstTweet