if i have this correct: giving the E for Everyone video game's cartoon dog secondary sexual characteristics is NOT sexual, and also you're being bigoted against people who DO find it sexual, which it's NOT, and nobody DOES, but your mild confusion is basically calling them evil so it's Yellin' Time

i had to give up on silent hill f because it was too difficult to play. only because it would crash my computer straight to Off Night Night Goodbye, but still. hats off to the developers in besting me via pure gaming challenge

repost to give those 2 or 3 followers who always like your weird posts a little forehead kiss & a grilled cheese cut diagonally

1. try not to post things that will get you arrested 2. try not to post things that will make your friends want to off themselves

1. the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. 2. adipiscing elit 3. la li lu le lo 4. aeiou aeiou aeiou john madden john madden 5. (the noises Homer makes after "go crazy?" "don't mind if i do!" in "the shinning")

every time i'm at the grocery store checkout i look to see if they brought back those liquid ice mints from 2003. no luck so far but maybe next time

disconcerting wealthspawn founds Lecter, a startup dedicated to "connecting" people with organs and guys with bathtubs full of ice. it also sells your data

if i had to guess what the holidays are really about, they're a time for family to text me asking what a different family member's plans and schedule are, and get really confused when i say i don't know and suggest asking them directly

in accordance with his belief that a human being has a finite amount of vitality to expend on life, the president is insufflating the contents of half a walgreens in order to become immortally frail

it's actually more dangerous for cars to drive shower than the speed limit because when i see one doing that it distracts me from the big cauldron of soup i have simmering in the passenger seat

This year I’m going to be kinder, more positive, work harder, and put more faith in myself until the very first minor obstacle throws me off for the next 350+ days

they're making more years?

tesla, famously valued only for what it produces

the other hershey pom video that i ripped off of vine when it was merely crumbling and not the actual worthless website real estate it is now

Oh god. Guys they didn't finish 2026 in time. There's no new year. We're fucked

I really need to get over my "WHO COULD EVER LOVE A WRETCH LIKE ME????" bullshit

if ever there was a guy whose head actually would Just Do That. it looks like it's actively trying to Just Do That and he's only keeping it from Just Doing That via the power of will and/or implanted "bio-leylines" made of extraterrestrial alloy

you, an idiot: we should have universal health care me, a TV genius: the average american is going to lose 400 pounds next year

i could post "chake me to tonch"

software development in 2026 is going to require destroying lives a little

Santa Claus has been compromised to a holly jolly end

the oracle said he'd foreseen that a terrible fate would befall me but then he just described my current day to day life

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turning point usa installs replica of toilet where it will likely happen

uhhh lime stuff, normal stuff from limes. typically found there

this is what the guys from Perfect Strangers look like now. feel old yet

made a 1.5x batch of baked oatmeal for the all day work potluck. didn't disappear like my banana bread last year but there was a lot of competition for stomach space & everyone who tried it liked it. that's a W

Boss Confident He Paying Employees Because They Agree With Him, Not Other Way Around

sir the rats released another tell-all about the sinking ship

(dozens of police drive up to the bank i'm robbing) ok this escaped containment. never intended anyone other than my friends to see this, sooooo, muted

i missed your unsubtle sarcasm triggering my need to post a badly cropped meme that has been being passed around since 2017. i joined bluesky in nov 24 and i have 110k followers and i follow 110k people. there are millions just like me

The older I get, the more my politics mature from childish, naïve beliefs like "the world is complicated and leaders have to make hard decisions" to more serious, adult principles like "hurting people is bad and helping people is good."

Goofs: in wake up dead man, the sun is repeatedly shown as rising in the east and traveling north. additionally, we see the church altar is oriented to the west, and not the common liturgical east. also the assistant priest is linguini from ratatouille

when people older than me jokingly call themselves "old" it's like well yeah. when people younger than me do it it's tedious. but when i do it it's the most charming thing in the world

ME: this has been a great date. i should say i just had a peek at my active statuses and for some reason i see "Entranced" and "DROWNING!" COMPELLINGLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I MET BY THE MOONLIT LAKE: don't worry about it

My dentist made me spit out the nuts and seeds I keep in my cheeks when I went in for my checkup and I think her tech ate like half of them before she gave them back. Worried I won’t survive the winter now

as a pedestrian i've *been* waiting a good few seconds after the crosswalk light (so like 5 after the red) before going. what i've recently *started* doing is making eye contact with that last driver who's halfheartedly braking and visibly considering going anyway

watering down the term "crashing out" beyond all recognition describing my response to a difficult Clues By Sam puzzle

My Liege, I write to you with shocking news! Bentley tried to have me assassinated to make sure I wouldn't discover his plot to Kill Bentley. Your humble Spymaster, Bentley

my old pixel watch stopped displaying weather data the other day. thought it was just being very finicky as usual, so i repaired it, reset it, reinstalled everything but nope google killed the weather app

going back to facebook posting ca. 2004. just typing in a few lines of song lyrics and hoping that people get what i'm Really saying, though i'd be mortified if they did

been feeling old and tired due to endless work stress so it's almost nice and affirming that i *didn't* get thrashed by tripping on a sidewalk slab, landing directly on my knee and tumbling onto my back

"a hit dog hollers" is so often used to mean "aha, you called me a jerk for propagating a negative stereotype, which proves my stereotyping correct generally & against YOU specifically" which is why it's so refreshing to see it when someone's unequivocally going "those poor bigots"