When i am president, i will ensure there is ample funding for the arts* *furry erotica, simpsons porn

sign taped to electron microscope: IF YOU SEE THIS SYMBOL THE MACHINE IS NOT BROKEN. You have contaminated the workspace with nanograffiti from the Corded Diamondoid culture. Seal the leak, ensure the room recovers positive pressure, and contact the techno-archaeology department.

one of the funniest videos i’ve ever seen

Come on then, and remove him.

some pigs

a horrid beast. a rancid, screaming infant.

Ultimately the problem with "heads I win, tails you lose" as a diplomatic mantra is that eventually someone will just shoot you instead of flipping the coin.

Anyone wanna see the funniest 12 seconds that include a murder?

I don't ask for much. I just want the world to stop burning. I want preventable diseases to be prevented. I want clean air and water. I want people to have bodily autonomy. I want him to have a massive stroke. I want more time with my dogs. I want good coffee and cannabis.

MISSION CONTROL: prepare to enter the vacuum of space DOG ASTRONAUT: wait the what now

i like the fantasy of trump attending the supreme court hearing on revoking birthright citizenship, as though he will be thoughtfully considering the legal merits of the case with great intellectual mind, instead of staring down conservative justices to make sure they do his bidding

Here is the image, via @oliverdarcy.bsky.social, that stirred the White House's ire

hello 👋 i have developed a new tool called blüuümpíi. blüuümpíi will convert every file on your hard drive to a .wav file without asking you, maximize your system volume, and play them on every bluetooth speaker you have ever connected to. if you offer feedback on blüuümpíi i will take legal action

that's me in the corner that's me in the spot light hunting ronald reagan

graphic novels do count as books and being mad at your kids for liking them more than prose books is how your kids learn to hate reading

Still can’t get over the House GOP rejecting a 100-0 bill from the Senate to fund TSA, Coast Guard, and FEMA and… just going on vacation. Complete abdication of duty.

the groundskeeper on little Saint James waiting by the tarmac like the dog from that episode of futurama

Again, the first Tea Party rallies in April 2009 -- heavily promoted in advance by Fox News -- only had about 300,000 attendees across 750 cities, but the media treated it like the Second American Revolution. There will be multiple *individual* No Kings rallies today that have more people at them.

There should be a button on every Zillow rental listing that lets you send the landlord to jail

‘Visibly upset and struggling’: Acting ICE head hospitalized twice over stress, officials say

You know sometimes mental health treatment requires a lifestyle change and maybe he should quit his job and try that route.

The next president will have to establish a cabinet position of Secretary of Eradicating That Asshole's Name and Every Trace of His Existence.

Mike Lindell was served with a lawsuit today while doing an interview at CPAC.

I know there's a lot going on But what the US is doing to Cuba is unconscionable

MASSIVE WIN: no one wants to live in the united states anymore

If you're going to throw assloads of money into making a TV series based on the work of a British fantasy author, whyyyyyyyyyy not do Discworld

oil prices are about to make polyester a noble fiber

oh my god is it a calf, please tell me its a calf

"bro is this fetish art 😭" anything and everything you will ever interact with is someone's fetish. someone wants to fuck clouds. someone's horniest thought is to be a branch on a tree. someone's going to fuck a salt shaker. someone wants to fuck math. someone did. his name was albert einstein

Are they trying to kill Ian Miles Cheong

it's so funny shelby foote's main contribution to ken burns' baseball (which im rewatching for opening day) is saying there's something admirable and core to the american identity about being a bitter, sore loser. like yeah a confederate apologist would think that

I woke up this morning and thought: "God, how fucking cool would it be if it happened today."

First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

Dying empire embroiled in a quagmire of its own making attempts outlandish conquest to restore faith

the actual DOGE

i think sometimes cis people truly have a hard time understanding that jk rowling is a living person actively using her wealth to fund the international assault on trans lives. she’s not some Complicated Author we can have a spirited debate about separating from the art with!!!!!

At chili’s

do you remember how mad conservatives used to get about how “self-obsessed” obama was, do you remember the way they used to count up how many times he’d say “me” or “i” in a speech

My favorite part is when Trump tells people "They KEEP giving me the (MoCA) test" Yes it's because trained professionals believe you are out of your mind

Wild that America has a president who regularly goes “I’ll start World War 3” to tank the stock market and then at the last minute says “j/k I’m not invading Greenland/Iran/Canada/etc” then the market jumps back up with mysterious people making a killing after he backs down. An amazing coincidence.

"You see, just like our president, I'm a fucking idiot who's motivated mostly by spite"

Do be taking pictures of these unmasked ICE agents in airports please

never would have thought that arguing with nazis on 4chan as a teen would ever end up being useful as an adult but wew lad it sure is helping me pick out nazi rhetoric disguised as leftism this week

Wow, if you can deploy people with no TSA training to do the TSA's job on a couple of day's notice, it really raises questions about how useful the TSA is in the first place.