I was just alerted to the perfect joke

For Sandy Koufax's birthday, I present to you the modern day Sandy Koufax, who did not even get 5% to remain his one and only season on the HOF ballot. Led their respective league: Johan 3x WAR, 3x Ks, 3x ERA, 3x ERA+, 4x WHIP, 2x IP Sandy 2x WAR, 4x Ks, 5x ERA, 2x ERA+ 4x WHIP, 2x IP

Wait who are the three

Most of America has spent the last week of their lives surrounded by family and friends and not getting desperately angrier at what the make-angry box tells them to get angry at

oh christ look at the time

Is it a Wisconsin thing to make old fashioneds with Sprite? I’m in Wisconsin and it’s weird

libsoftiktok is now the third most powerful branch of government after the president and supreme court

I cast cloudkill at level 8

Health Speculations Swirl As Trump Seen With Damage Numbers Above Head https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-as-trump-seen-with-damage-numbers-above-head/

I don’t think anybody’s gotten mad at me on here, to my face, ever. I probably just don’t post enough but it’s also just a better place. At least the way I use it 👼

The right people are Big Mad about Kennedy Center cancellations which means they're working. And as @cooperlund.online points out, there's a very vibrant arts scene well outside of the Kennedy Center in DC. It's just one venue that caters to a rather specific audience.

This is not hard. Artists are not responsible for ensuring the Kennedy Center remains relevant and successful. The center’s board is responsible for that, in a fiduciary way. All of this energy being directed at artists should be re-directed at the board.

Pulling out Trumpism root and branch is a very literal promise Democrats should make

almost starting to think maybe Joe Rogan *shouldn't* be my family doctor 😱😱😱😱

The Home Alone 2 hotel employee parts were (a) written for Jack Nicholson, but given to Tim Curry; and (b) written for Paul Rubens, but given to Rob Schneider. If (a) had still failed but (b) was successful, and Trump's cameo just didn't happen, this could've been the greatest movie ever produced

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn’t all that other crap

psa if you're blessed enough to briefly not remember the name Rob Schneider "Adam Sandler's friend Rob" works in google

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn’t all that other crap

The guy who put a 19 year old named Big Balls in charge of gutting key government services: “experience matters when lives are at stake”

It’s actually illegal to not perform for Mr. Trump and to not say that he’s nice.

oh brother, another bad post from political influencer beltway brian. i am furious at beltway brian all of the time. i share screencaps of beltway brian's posts with people who have no idea who he is. i hate all of beltway brian's posts and i read all of them every single day, including weekends

how I'm walking out of 2025

This would be embarrassing “reporting” from a hyperlocal C-tier California paper

both of Sinatra’s parents were immigrants

I don't think it clicks for folks just how much *200* is. If we assume this man slept for 8 hours and posted the other 16, he was posting about once every five minutes for 16 hours straight. That's comparable to a journalist live-tweeting an event. His issues are kicking his ass, frfr.

strongly against violence against women but knocking this monster's fake teeth in couldn't possibly count

look at how little effort it takes for someone on the conservative grievance circuit to destroy a life millions of college kids have half assed an assignment at the last minute, you eat the F and move on but the effort to push trans people out of public life will use whatever it can get

Haha there are so many things you could put after “deserves for” 🧠🤕

RFK: “Where did all this autism come from? It never existed when I was a kid!” “A Christmas Story”, a 1983 movie based on a 1971 memoir about a childhood in the 1930s: “This is my brother Ralphie. He has a ton of sensory issues and behaviors we don’t understand. Every family has a child like him.”

Congrats to all the dc pundit class who keep normalizing increasingly unhinged stuff.

And Tiny Sim, who DID die

There are only two offenses the Constitution goes out of its way to specifically say merit impeachment, and this is one of them.

All of the other reindeer? Antifa. Cornelius? Abominable Lives Matter terrorist.

Annual post about how Spirited is perfect and the absolute best Christmas movie

the two ways of acting with muppets: 1. play it as if they are also human actors (michael caine) 2. play it as if you are also a muppet (tim curry)

So not the point but why would you include “in a suit and tie”? He literally is only ever seen in either an ill-fitting suit or worse-fitting golf gear

Government services aren't businesses. Delivering mail to citizens is something we pay for. But if these are businesses, you won't believe how much money the military loses.

show me how your 2025 went

"how can you suddenly dislike your delicious steak dinner when you find out the chef dropped it on the ground and never washed his hands?"

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was present at the end of the universe, having witnessed every black hole evaporate and every proton decay. Even so, Death would not come.

far be it from me to contradict a Trump loyalist or functionary, but wasn't the massive political scandal mostly created by the fact that Trump raped at least some children

there aren't enough holiday songs about covering up sex crimes

lol yeah that’s fuckin airtight wrap it up everybody no one’s ever been stupid and evil at the same time

Re this 2-post thread: No journalists, including those at 60 Minutes, are obliged to include non-responsive quotes in pieces. Was the question to the White House "What should 60 Minutes cover?" If not, you do not have to grant them free airtime in a story in the name of "balance" or anything else.

Study of over twenty five million people over almost four years finds that COVID vaccines reduced COVID deaths by 74% and increased all-cause deaths by zero. I don’t know how much clearer it can get than that. jamanetwork.com/journals/jam...

Political and corporate spokespeople now regularly treat a request for comment from the mainstream media as an opportunity to drop a free ad into the middle of the story. Bad faith non-responses should just be discarded, with a note that they declined to respond to the substance of the question.

a supercut from the MST3K holiday episodes of the Comedy Central era. thank you, won’t you? youtu.be/FjRpDJouaoI?...

Oh.

This is outstanding.