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this would fix me

we've got shrimp posts, shrimp retweets, shrimp quote-tweets, shrimp replies, shrimp screenshot subtweets... and you can do poverty shrimp discourse, veganism shrimp discourse, climate change shrimp discourse, "what counts as the Midwest" shrimp discourse...

when I ask myself "who can I turn to for advice about the way Democrats should run the party" the obvious answer that comes to mind is "50 year old former clean coal lobbyist who is trying to get his YouTube channel off the ground and currently gets a couple hundred views per episode"

this you?

listen to @bloodwork.show and @boontavista.com

take notes: if you're an AIPAC-backed Democrat, not only will you lose your primary challenge but you will lose so badly that the AP announces the result only 4 minutes after the polls close

[Ken Burns sad violin plays] Dearest Kaitlynne, I regret that I must inform you that we remain in the pool for another six months. I pray that you and the children remain steadfast. Tell Braedyn and Kassidee I think of them every day as I toil away in the algae-laden muck. Yours forever, Dusstyn

Listen to @bloodwork.show

Zoomer Gallipoli is back on the menu

scolds Bluesky users for wanting to be in a bubble and simultaneously defends the Nazi site because if you "curate" your feed there (aka make it a bubble) you won't see *much* Nazi shit idk man just admit you like hanging out in the Nazi bar.

FUCK ICE NOW AND FOREVER

tired: my dog ate my homework wired: we need to ignore distractions like "due dates" and come together as a classroom to focus on what's really important, delivering me a passing grade for the American people

a child-involved running-over occurred in the vicinity of a road containing traffic

this is america. you could find yourself within 100yds of a shooting at any time, in any place. school, the grocery store, a movie theater, a block party, a public park… it happens to regular people every day. but this week we’ll get 50+ weepy op-eds because it happened to the guys who write op-eds

this is the way the world ends - not with a bang, but with a Democratic Senator whimpering "this is a distraction from kitchen table issues"

Democrats: we need a Joe Rogan for the left, someone who can appeal to disaffected young people also Democrats:

I was listening to @trashfuture.bsky.social and the guest referred to this scenario as "Zoomer Gallipoli" and that phrase has been lodged in my brain ever since

hey it's ya boy the woke ginger here today to talk to you about the dangers of "influencer culture" make sure to like, comment, and subscribe and buy one of my "muy woke" baseball caps for just $30.95

he's already pivoted to Soros-posting 6 months, maximum, before he's gone fully right-wing with some "why I left the left" grift

One Battle After Another would have been a good movie if my dad were in it and he looked into the camera and addressed me by name and said he always loved me.

pay attention to how carefully this is worded - "I did not accept $1500" if he was offered $1500 by a dark money group to make a post smearing someone, made the post, then deleted it due to backlash, and as a result doesn't get paid it is *technically* true that he did not "accept" the $1500

More details and context about what being a woman math major in the early-2000s was like and why it was so damaging here: cooperativeoverlapping.substack.com/p/a-fuller-s...

do you also have documentation that you didn't fuck a goat

"I have a receipt proving I did *not* take a bribe (and I'm going to claim it exists, but not actually show it)" absolutely one of the most guy-who-got-caught-taking-a-bribe things that has ever been said

This guy went to my high school and he got suspended for kicking a dog

"I'm loving all the engagement I'm getting, and actually profiting from it lol" (replies: disabled)

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his substack depends on his not understanding it".

scrawny 18-year-old about to fall out of an army helicopter over tehran: this is so epic. this is totally sigma, right babe? AI e-girl operated by a balding intelligence officer in virginia: that's right baby, Iran is totally cringe

Never forget who you’re fighting for.

in a heat wave during the summer it could be steamballs. is that what you want? do you want our brave NYPD heroes to receive 3rd degree burns from people throwing superheated water at them???

jury nullification is one of the foundational principles of the American legal system. in this essay I will

I am totes in my fleek-maxxing era right now.

going to old country buffet and slapping me in the nuts with alaskan king crab legs then putting them back in the steam tray is not funny, it is no laughing matter

Next Superbowl halftime should include a recreation of the confederate surrender at Appomattox while Jefferson Davis flees the scene dressed as an old lady.

More and more people are googling "lowtax speedrun"

My politics

one of the agents said “okay we know” when we were whistling so i leaned in and whistled louder and he threatened to pepper spray me. i then said “are you scared of a fucking whistle dawg” and he very meekly said “no i’m not scared of a whistle”

Greg Bovino Was Practicing Politics The Right Way By Ezra Klein

many of you are coming off the top rope for greg bovino, but you really don't need to do that. bottom rope is high enough

I no longer trust any politician who's not obviously barely restraining themselves from dropping F bombs and kicking stuff

If you're living somewhere outside the USA, one thing you can do is pressure your leaders to boycott World Cup and Olympic events here.

they're executing moms and nurses in the street. they're using preschoolers as bait. they're stealing people's dads and grandmas and children. they're tear gassing babies. they're staking out schools. there is no remedy but abolition. any proposal that doesn't start there is an act of violence.

I don’t want to hear anything from an elected official unless it’s a plan to defund the DHS and impeach Noem, Bovino, etc. No texts. No emails. No talk about the economy. Step up or step off.

we need to tell ICE agents "Pokemon Go to the training class"

"what if we required every member of a fascist death squad to have a college degree?"

the Dems are writing strongly worded emails you can’t even conceptualize right now

centrist liberal fantasies: you can take a member of a death squad, make him sit through a day-long "training" in a conference room at the Best Western near the airport, and he'll magically turn into The Good Cop from the Andy Griffith Show

Senator Klobuchar, from the Quisling Caucus of the Democratic Party: "send the ICE death squads to some other state, instead of Minnesota"