My 80s pop history book, #IntoTheGroove: '...tells pop's never-ending story brilliantly.' DAVID QUANTICK 'Like a treasure chest of pop riches.' SAMIRA AHMED 'It reminded me of how much I loved the 1980s.' GIDEON COE 'A delightful, curious compendium.' JUDE ROGERS eandtbooks.com/books/into-t...

“You are reading my Christmas Day email to a convicted child rapist asking when his next child rape party on peado island is in very bad faith”

It's so grotesquely and pathetically apt that even in his damning Epstein emails Elon Musk just reeks overwhelmingly and unmistakably of that vacuous desperation for acceptance and approval. What on this Earth could be more risible than "please, please invite me to your child abuse party island"

A very happy, strawberry-flavoured birthday to the brilliant @christinamartin.bsky.social, who wrote my favourite Viz letter of all time.

33 years ago today, after ingesting the river water at Duff Gardens, Lisa Simpson became the Lizard Queen. “Selma's Choice” first aired on Fox on January 21, 1993.

Genuinely the type of incoherent drivel that used to be the sole preserve of shambling fuck-ups on the last bus home from Kirkcaldy.

I've heard more about Brooklyn Beckham today than I have since the day we found out he couldn't photograph an elephant.

So, I'm 50 now.

Honestly, it's as if the FIFA Peace Prize means nothing to some people.

Luke Littler may have won back-to-back world titles but he'll never know what it's like to be reassured by Tony Green.

This does seem just a little bit bad! Idk the sort of thing you’d think politicians might distance themselves from or something!

Remember when comedians defended taking Saudi money by saying they were opening a dialogue? Any danger of that starting yet?

Jump Into 2026 I love the secret feature at Nine Elms London Underground station that reveals itself during a sunny day. If you arrive at the perfect moment, the roundel logo is beautifully projected onto the floor. So I took Dancer Andreya with me to interact with the scene.

Very much all of this. The many Brits bashing the capital are very useful idiots for overseas efforts to undermine the country imho. As I've said before, it's time to push back at the nonsense

edgy

Whenever you experience imposter syndrome, remember that the person who came up with 'Merry SkySportsmas' probably makes a decent wage.

‘Image shows serving suggestion’. I’ll take my sausage roll with more sausage rolls

Went to see some Billy Connolly related public art in Anderston, Glasgow yesterday.

If you've been watching Jaws on BBC2 and are wondering what the Czechoslovakian poster for it looked like, now you know. (Photo taken by me at 'Identita: The Story of Czech Graphic Design' at the Czech Centre, London)

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and commiserations to those whose bin calendar is slightly less straightforward this week.

I realise now that I subconsciously rank the muppets by which of them I would not want to be bitten by.

I like Home Alone but I would honestly buy a version of it that's just John Candy's cameo.

Make a film vague... Escape to Which Mountain?

If you start watching Knowing Me Knowing Yule at 11:21pm tonight, Alan punches Tony Hayers with a turkey at the exact moment it becomes Christmas. Start the big day off right.

Just saw a seagull walk past me with a whole mince pie in its beak. NOW it feels like Christmas.

Hope they played the sad Bullseye music as the truck pulled away

Bought a meal deal yesterday and the chatty shop assistant asked me if that was the last of my Christmas shopping.

A lot of Facebook dads are telling on themselves in their comments below stories about David Walliams.

I’m reminded of watching two old ladies ask a teenage goth for directions and she politely told them and when she was out of earshot one lady said “You know where you are with a goth”

He’s making a list, He’s checking it twice And a third time, And then he stands accused of losing the list Yet his is the only name on it, Franz Kafka is coming to town

Derek Trotter is one of the great TV villains. A cheap, nasty, grasping crook who holds back everyone around him - aspirational brother, war-hero uncle, talented fiance - a loser who can't succeed so no-one else is allowed to. The fact he's seen as a hero also tells you something about the public.

If Ayoub El Kaabi thinks he can upstage Scott McTominay with that overhead kick then he's very much mistaken. #afcon

Half Ma’am Half Brisket

Fascists don’t like vulnerability and earnestness, which is what theater kids have in spades. And God knows it’s a safe space for so many LGBTQ kids. It was for me. Debate kids, on the other hand, are all about winning.

I have said it before and I will say it again, Debate Kids are the ones actually ruining the country.

Jo Cox was murdered before the vote by a far-right terrorist & this is the language this complete disgrace chooses to use

Very sad to read that Lorraine Cheshire has died. youtube.com/watch?v=EXIa...

News pages really should have disabled comments on stories about Aria Thorpe.

One of my all-time favorite clips of Rob Reiner, from his Friars Club Roast in 2000, as he reads aloud Roger Ebert's infamous scathing review of his movie North. The man had an amazing sense of humor about himself. RIP.

Footballers who should have been given the number 17 shirt by their clubs: Elijah Just Ayden Heaven

Hearing that Gianni Infantino has awarded Scott McTominay's goal against Denmark to Donald Trump.

So it’s NOT my imagination

They're small. Muddy knees. Higher voices than adults. Easy.

can’t say Merry Christmas anymore because of the Woke Police 😔

So much for 'Every Lidl Helps'.

Oh, so you've read all the Epstein emails but you still haven't replied to my text?

TV conspiracies: we’ve hacked their computers but they’ve perfectly cleaned up the evidence! Real conspiracies: To: conspirator From: famous person Attachment: evidence.png

look I know this is not the most important issue but why can none of these people even write a one-line email without coming across as borderline illiterate