TV conspiracies: we’ve hacked their computers but they’ve perfectly cleaned up the evidence! Real conspiracies: To: conspirator From: famous person Attachment: evidence.png

look I know this is not the most important issue but why can none of these people even write a one-line email without coming across as borderline illiterate

Anyway, I'm seeing both The Producers and Inside No 9: Stage Fright in the space of seven days later this month so I'm happy.

Someone once tried the "But what about Bill Clinton?" line on me, like I, a non American in Scotland, would have any reason or desire to protect him.

every single one of these emails is someone I already hate messaging a notorious pedophile to say "Thanks for the great time! I had fun doing pedophile stuff with you. P.S. Trump was there with us the whole time"

pretty funny in retrospect that QAnon hinged on the idea that powerful elites at the highest levels of government were smart enough to talk in code when sending emails to each other about their despicable crimes

My takeaway from every new Epstein revelation is that some powerful people victimized many powerless young women, many more knew, some actively enabled it--and we're still being told that MeToo and accountability for sexual violence have gone too far

People talk about how social media affects the young but we've all seen Facebook profiles of men in their 40s and 50s with quotes from A T*te, some 'loyal but dangerous' shite, and 'top fan' status for repeatedly saying "go woke go broke" on JD Sports ads. These people aren't normal.

Not a foot wrong.

Some fragile Facebook dads are taking the news that Jacob Alon (whose album is fucking great btw) has won the BBC Introducing Artist of the Year award as well as you might expect them to.

I think by now we have collectively agreed to call him whatever names we want.

Absolutely wonderful TV, beautifully sweet without ever veering into twee and very funny. Watching this series will greatly improve your life.

In case of an emergency…. Grab 3 friends and sing Bohemian Rhapsody

Heard your dad got 'Top Fan' status on his local paper's Facebook page for finishing every comment with "End of!!!"

Live, Laugh, President

I'm just reading the news and hang on, there's a NEW York?

A lot of Facebook wrong uns are very angry this morning about a version of London that only exists in their heads.

32 years ago today, Homer got his arms trapped inside two vending machines. “Marge on the Lam” first aired November 4, 1993.

One lucky Bullseye contestant could be walking away with More Piano Favourites. Over 80 Minutes Music!

Over on Facebook, the most easily led people in the world are being incredibly angry and racist about adverts featuring people who aren't white enough for them. Yet they call everyone else 'sheeple' and 'NPCs'.

One of my earliest memories is standing in a police station (our car had a flat battery, mum was asking if the coppers could lend her some jump leads) and reading a poster asking for information about a girl who had been abducted and murdered. She was my age, five. She was called Caroline Hogg.

I was only remembering yesterday the moral panic in the 90's over joy riding Teenagers nicking hot hatches & doing donuts in empty supermarket car parks Gone like tears in the rain

Interesting analysis of press coverage of random violence a generation ago compared with now.

Along with being terrified of the very real threat of nuclear annihilation.

People tend to think the whole world was better whenever it was that they were young and fit. They confuse the world with themselves.

It's now 'Louvr3'.

This is a lovely documentary. youtube.com/watch?v=T5jy...

32 years ago, Homer Simpson ate 64 slices of American cheese in one sitting. “Rosebud” first aired October 21, 1993.

In case any of you still think you're young, today I overheard a teenage boy ask his mum what MySpace was like.

I can see the White House accidentally burning down before Christmas and the official statement quite genuinely being 'Oh well, lol'. This is a thing that could actually happen.

Happy birthday to this...

Apparently it's 8 years ago today that Facebook made me a beautiful video of memories consisting entirely of screenshots of Bullseye.

A brilliant adaptation of the novel. All episodes available on BBC iPlayer. www.imdb.com/title/tt3521...

Alexei Sayle's Stuff (19th October 1989). A lot more work goes into the production of each episode of Stuff than you might expect.

The Ting Tings walk into a coffee shop. Barista: *quits*

America is being run by 4chan shitposters. Note the response of the President – the motherfucking President of the United States – to the No Kings protests. This sneering fuck-you-all amorality can never be reasoned with. It is impervious to logic, evidence or decency. It can only be destroyed.

As it's Peanuts' 75th birthday, here's the final strip from 2000. It contains Charles Schultz's farewell message, dictated to Snoopy and published the day after he died.

Been doing this for years and not a single headline

You're absolutely right — starting a land war in Asia wasn't just a bad call, it's 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀. Thank you for calling me out on that — really. I'll be extra-strategic from now on. Would you like me to get cracking on those 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝗻 𝗠𝗼𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿?

Found out this week that my eBay account is older than one of my colleagues.

Every time a Democrat gets caught on tape saying like “Some Trump voters are racist” we have a national scandal and JD Vance demands an entirely new kind of apology and meanwhile every Republican group chat is like “Good morning fellow SS members. Who’s ready to respect Hitler today?”

Hoping this will be full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow. If you get that reference, this is why we are friends.

Met the great Norman Blake from Teenage Fanclub at Finn Wolfhard's gig in Glasgow tonight.

Postcard from Glenrothes.

“What’s the charge? Eating a seal?”

Skeletons shouldn't play each other as instruments

Looking forward to starting this, @whenisbirths.bsky.social.