Bought a copy of @watsoncomedian.bsky.social latest book today. I already have one but his one has my name in ❤️

We go live to the Protect our girls crew, unsure what they are doing

Parents of young children (mine are 7 and 10) do they repeatedly say your name? I must hear ‘mum’ approximately 15,000 times a day.

I cannot stop laughing at this post from a local selling page. It just keeps getting worse

Back in the gym today. Haven’t lifted weights since October (disgusting from me) and I am feeling fluffier than I’d like. Feel free to bully me back to lifting 3 days a week!

Morning!

Look at these fluffy bastards

The lads turned 6 yesterday. Such good boys

10 is with his grandparents so it’s just me and 7 for the night, spending some quality time together. ‘Mummy, I have a riddle for you. What goes in your mouth hard and comes out wet?’

I see your mum brought out some merch

Just spilt Night Nurse all over my bedroom carpet. Love that for me

Baxter ❤️

‘Image shows serving suggestion’. I’ll take my sausage roll with more sausage rolls

InPost in its natural habitat

Bad day if you’re called Elliott.

Witnessed a traffic warden putting a parking ticket on a Tesla today. It’s the simple things that bring such Christmas joy

Finally, a bar I really can practise at.

2025 has been a bit of a tosser of a year. One thing I’ve been able to lean on is my amazing friends and @watsoncomedian.bsky.social is one of the best. There for every late night meltdown, giving me the best advice and telling me when I’m being a massive prick to myself ❤️

London ain’t bad

People who use their phones, without headphones, on public transport, should be shot at dawn

Maltesers and black coffee for breakfast. Happy Wednesday

A delightful thread

I have found a dress I consider to be perfect. Of course it’s out of stock and the only place I can find it is a random London store. Love that for me

One of the cats brought a live mouse in tonight. Trying to catch it was a lovely treat, after a long day

I need to be approached with caution. I have been in the worst mood, all day!

In the next life I want to come back as one of my cats. Baxter fully enjoying his home comforts

Fell asleep with my electric blanket on high, last night. Woke at midnight feeling like I was being boiled to death

It’s decree nisi day today, lads. Send appropriate distractions from the feelings. Please and thank you

Shortbread dipped in raspberry yogurt has got me in a fat bastard chokehold this Christmas

🎄❤️

Sitting down to (finally) do some CPD and none other than @nearlylegal.co.uk appears on my screen

Lap cat

My Nan has been in hospital for the past 4 weeks. The NHS is completely and utterly broken. I’m so exhausted by how terrible it is, from the awful care to the dire levels of communication. Heaven knows what happens to people that don’t have family to advocate for them

The News, brought to you by Humpty Dumpty

I’m experiencing a period of very vivid dreams, which makes me feel like I haven’t had any sleep. Last night’s dream featured Tim Key, Domhnall Gleeson and Tim abandoning a baby

Renters' Rights Act day is announced! (Partly). It is 1 May 2026. The last valid section 21 notice (except for social landlords) will be served on 30 April 2026. The end of 37 years. Plus more. nearlylegal.co.uk/2025/11/rent...

Orange boys

Eldest just shouted up the stairs “I love you [insert youngest’s name here]” to which he shouted back “I love you too”. Kids are the best

What they’ve done to Vinted sizing should be a crime

I’ve got a wash on the line. In November!

Self Esteem released her new album, A Complicated Woman, as I was in the depths of separation. Lawyers should hand out copies because it’s basically a divorce soundtrack.

So “Prince” Andrew is moving to Sandringham. There goes the neighbourhood

What a handsome boy

Visit Sheffield

Out out

I’ve got a couple of spare (standing) tickets for @selfesteem.music-social.com in Sheffield tonight, if anyone fancies it.

Day 2 of works and things have not improved

Burnt my thumb and the blister is right where you press to text

I’m having some building work done. The builder has just told me, in all his years of building, he’s never seen brickwork constructed the way my house is built. I don’t know whether to be proud or terrified