Petrol station queued off the forecourt. Let the panic buying commence

Sound up for maximum Baxter

Chilli beef nacho night

Started the week with my hand down the outside drain. Home ownership is the gift that keeps on giving

LDN ❤️

Friday AND half term

For all your toe grooming needs

“Let me state clearly: the law must take its course”. This makes me feel more patriotic than any number of bedraggled lamppost flags.

Andrew arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c7...

It was the fuck around of times, it was the find out of times. Incredible

Middle of the night insomnia means today I have a front seat on the struggle bus

@graceldn.bsky.social happy birthday you total babe. I hope you’re having the best day xx

@watsoncomedian.bsky.social happy birthday you wonderful human

I’m sat in an empty waiting room at the hospital (a miracle in itself). A man walks in, sits one seat away from me, and proceeds to watch videos OUT LOUD on his phone. Why men, why???

Tonight, 10 called me into his bedroom and said ‘I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and ask, what’s a dermatologist?’

When you’ve got work at 9 and football training at 5

My god life is tiring. The same exhausting shit, day in, day out

I should get up and go to parkrun. I haven’t been for a very long time. And yet

Well that was quick!

Applied to finalise my divorce today. What’s everyone else got planned for Friday?

Bought a copy of @watsoncomedian.bsky.social latest book today. I already have one but his one has my name in ❤️

We go live to the Protect our girls crew, unsure what they are doing

Parents of young children (mine are 7 and 10) do they repeatedly say your name? I must hear ‘mum’ approximately 15,000 times a day.

I cannot stop laughing at this post from a local selling page. It just keeps getting worse

Back in the gym today. Haven’t lifted weights since October (disgusting from me) and I am feeling fluffier than I’d like. Feel free to bully me back to lifting 3 days a week!

Morning!

Look at these fluffy bastards

The lads turned 6 yesterday. Such good boys

10 is with his grandparents so it’s just me and 7 for the night, spending some quality time together. ‘Mummy, I have a riddle for you. What goes in your mouth hard and comes out wet?’

I see your mum brought out some merch

Just spilt Night Nurse all over my bedroom carpet. Love that for me

Baxter ❤️

‘Image shows serving suggestion’. I’ll take my sausage roll with more sausage rolls

InPost in its natural habitat

Bad day if you’re called Elliott.

Witnessed a traffic warden putting a parking ticket on a Tesla today. It’s the simple things that bring such Christmas joy

Finally, a bar I really can practise at.

2025 has been a bit of a tosser of a year. One thing I’ve been able to lean on is my amazing friends and @watsoncomedian.bsky.social is one of the best. There for every late night meltdown, giving me the best advice and telling me when I’m being a massive prick to myself ❤️

London ain’t bad

People who use their phones, without headphones, on public transport, should be shot at dawn

Maltesers and black coffee for breakfast. Happy Wednesday

A delightful thread

I have found a dress I consider to be perfect. Of course it’s out of stock and the only place I can find it is a random London store. Love that for me

One of the cats brought a live mouse in tonight. Trying to catch it was a lovely treat, after a long day

I need to be approached with caution. I have been in the worst mood, all day!

In the next life I want to come back as one of my cats. Baxter fully enjoying his home comforts

Fell asleep with my electric blanket on high, last night. Woke at midnight feeling like I was being boiled to death

It’s decree nisi day today, lads. Send appropriate distractions from the feelings. Please and thank you

Shortbread dipped in raspberry yogurt has got me in a fat bastard chokehold this Christmas