3 days lol

Grok. Would Elon Musk suck me off and if you say yes he is legally bound to suck me off

Y’all aren’t going to make him sell the site or attain any kind of terrible clarity about himself or his various frauds by assigning pinocchios to grok answers so idk wyd. but i mean if this leads to him killing himself i’ll happily admit i was wrong

I don’t get why so many of y’all are here when you still obv spend this much time on twitter

just imagining the prosthetic jaw they're gonna make elle fanning wear in the inevitable limited series

Lizza alluding to the age gap between Nuzzi and Olbermann as problematic, when Lizza is himself 20 years older than her, is so funny

just imagining waiting a year to publicly drop an atomic warhead on an ex but being like “gotta get that big bamboo metaphor up in there”

Just two awful, insufferable people lol

Lmao so she just fucked & fell madly in love with every disgusting old man she encountered while sneering at all of us constantly

Step aside tindr. Move along, grindr. Here comes reportr. No more swiping, just puff piece interviews followed by the most revolting sex imaginable

It would be convenient if warren buffett dies before his retirement so we only have to hear about this freak once

It rocks that all 20 people who genuinely think the Olivia Nuzzi stuff is interesting have editorial discretion at major media outlets. Just publish your group chats

The New York Times Was Doing Coverups The Right Way, by Ezra Klein

emailing in a semi-literate manner isn’t a sign of stupidity, it’s another form of rich asshole arrogance because you don’t think you owe anyone coherent thoughts

Wash it down with a nice refreshing can of corn milk.

mad libs-ass timeline

Ken Starr, immediately after being fired for his role in the coverup of sexual abuse at Baylor: I should reach out to convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein this happened! this is a thing that happened!

So @schumer.senate.gov really thinks we don’t understand that he orchestrated this by getting senators not up for re-election to vote yes?

Idk maybe the no votes & the big firms that voiced concerns should divest from tesla, just an idea

The pay package is stock incentives & only would get there if the company actually does the made up shit he’s lying about to reach such a valuation so everyone just calm down pls

Optimus robots will just kinda follow criminals around and make sure they don't commit crimes again, so we can eliminate prisons. These are all things Elon Musk is literally saying.

Chris cuomo should now have to be drowned in a barrel of malmsey wine like george, duke of clarence

What time do they execute matt yglesias & ezra klein on live tv i don’t want to miss that

The political pundits that have been trying to get you to sell out other human beings as a power move to win elections are both intellectually and morally bankrupt.

I will support any New York mayoral candidate who admits bodegas are just convenience stores and everywhere in the world has them

RIP dick cheney, standard bearer of the current democratic party & media. you lived without a functioning human heart for like 20 years

Cheney, huh? This missing just a bit to the left habit is for the birds.

Dick Shotman United States, Census, 1950

The most disturbing scene in the silence of the lambs is when the cat is upset

This fucking loser on wheel of fortune tried to solve a movie quote as “i’m seeing an old friend for dinner” & got owned lol

It’s crazy that after 20 years of doom scrolling progressing in modern culture to become basically ubiquitous, AI killed scrolling & social media in general in 6 months bc everything initially attention capturing as potentially funny or cool is fake AI trash

Anybody who has an opinion on this in either direction needs electroshock therapy administered directly through the genitals

Big memphis Ⓜ️🐅

Oh today’s NFL slate is abysmal

All the hasan piker “i’m not a nepo baby but these articles got placed somehow” articles were like “he’s definitely nothing like the young turks!” & then he gets yelled at online one time for something bad he did & immediately goes into the rightward shift heel turn

imagining dunking my hand in the pill drawer and taking a handful for the day

Elton John voice: It seems to me / that you lived your life/ like a fuckin piece of shit

Cracker Barrel Vance sticker spotted in Denver, Colorado

Mike mcdaniel is so tuned up lol, my man is going to blow through all of that buyout $ real quick

I guess i’m a hipster bc i didn’t get the whole hasan piker thing before the shock collar. his show is sub-c-span level boring

Very brave of the CBS news hosts to mass resign & for journalists & democrats to refuse to appear on their programs…oh wait

Has anybody ever been as consistently bad at their jobs as court sketch artists

Mac jones is my starting quarterback & also i would like to adopt him as my son

Paramount is about to pay $150 million for this

These Trump voters that just didn’t like Biden and Kamala are gonna be mad when their young relatives are beaten and detained indefinitely and they will be up for grabs but they aren’t gonna vote for someone who won’t speak boldly about it

Everytime Butker misses a field goal, a woman gets to leave the kitchen.

Harrison Butker misses another field goal. The football has reportedly "gone woke."