Listen up, scolds: it's *still* objectively funny that a subculture of bros is hitting themselves in the face with hammers bc a youtuber told them it would make them pretty.

Death doula, the mic rula, the old schoola, you want a RIP, I’ll bring it to ya

Miiiss! You're like a human dictionary!

I know diet culture is toxic bullshit but I have been walking and counting calories and I have lost ~13lbs and I feel much better than I did 3 months ago, physically and mentally. I can't allow the stress of this dumb profession to cause me to abuse my body, something at which I've always excelled.

It’s that time of year!

I have imposters syndrome in every area but my conviction that I'm terrible and failing, all the time.

Search engine optimization? How about search engine shut the hell up?

I hate this group of ratfuck children. Perfect example of why society (humans in large groups) suck so much.

Updating my resume, at work, if that gives you any idea of the kind of Monday I'm having...

The children say I have "Unc Status"

Artwork by Angela Smyth, contemporary artist #WomensArt

Was walking the dog and this van stopped me in my tracks

Wild that Altman is being sued by his sister for repeated sexual abuse and that doesn’t come up in basically every conversation about him. I get that it’s alleged but if that shit was happening to someone else I feel like that would come up, particularly if that person had a history of lying a lot.

A 6pm cup of coffee is probably not my best idea, but fuck it.

Saw a particularly menacin' neck in the parking lot when I went to the gas station just now. He was sitting in an older Dodge Ram 2500 while it idled. He was compulsively vaping and looking at his phone, just burning up the diesel.

The best coozie at @dorispringle.bsky.social 's house, @joe.radjunk.com!!! (The second best is the one shaped like a boot.)

If they can automatically register you for the draft, there's absolutely no reason they can't automatically register you to vote.

Just read this aloud to @dorispringle.bsky.social and we cackled 😹😹

Spent some time swatching my new pencils this morning. I accidentally skipped three of them and had to put them at the end, which I hate, of course. This exercise was as relaxing as it was ocd-inducing.

I think unboxing videos are bizarre and depressing but I am finally opening my colored pencils and I should be doing one of those vids and monetizing my life as a side hustle, dignity be damned!

It is 9:12pm. Why am I still wearing a bra?!

How is Eric Adams a whole ass human being and not a Tracy Morgan character?

Two of my 8th graders were rolling dice in class and I put a stop to it forthwith and the one said, "Miss he's not rolling dice, he's jerking off a ghost!" ✊👻

I know that look on her face. Their relationship is not long for this world.

The Cool Breeze (right), which I purchased in 2013 at the beginning of my teaching odyssey, and has been on my work desk ever since, has all but died this week. This morning, one of my 8th graders brought me the Holmes USB fan (left), as a gift. Isn't that sweet? Sometimes the children are kind.

I am wearing a new bra today and I feel extra locked and loaded.

"Christ, I sound like that?!" - French Dude in 1860 hearing the playback of the first audio recording

Give it all back to the animals, no one is gonna deliver us

I am once again asking you: how is this creature even real??? What have I done to deserve this obscenely cute lil fellow? Thank you, universe. I love this guy.

I can only make my weird art with the finest of mediums.

With my small financial windfall I treated myself to some luxury colored pencils and they've been delivered and I'm so excited!

Israel breached the ceasefire, you say? Well whomst among us could have seen that coming? 😒

Finally done with testing for the day. Off period, then one class of 8th graders, then home to my bed.

I am on my break and I edited this restroom sign bc I'm juvenile.

10 minutes until **secure testing environment** and then no phone until 1pm. Honestly, probably better for my brain, especially after yesterday. Still feel myself getting the shakes, though.

Everyone who made me feel crazy for "overreacting" today by texting all my homies that I love them and am grateful they came into my life: Fuck you! My response was reasonable!

I went to the bar and drank alone after work, thereby saving us from nuclear annihilation. You're welcome.

I don't know why the libs call him TACO and I don't want to know why. I'm sure it's very corny.

Stocks soar on 2-week postponement of Armageddon.

just to be clear, everyone, when 8 pm EDT comes and goes, regardless of what does or does not happen, the president still threatened genocide and war crimes and we should still impeach, arrest, and try him

How it feels doing literally any task right now.

I think it's bad for the President to threaten to annihilate an entire culture and i do not think you are being alarmist if you take his threats seriously and literally.

A guy just came into the bar and ordered a Miller High Life and a shot of Malört. I asked him if he lost a bet and he said "No, I actually likeAlert. So, that guy's insane.

the guys walking around in shoes that don’t fit are not gonna do a 25th Amendment

Reddit threads about how AF1 is supposedly flying to Denver this afternoon to get to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex are not helping my mental.

I guess we're just waiting around to see if this demented psychopath kills everyone: defector.com/i-guess-were...

The Hague

This has been my number one fear since 2015, when it became clear he was going to be the nominee. He's a big, pissy, hater-ass baby, and like most of the boomers, he's terrified of death. He has the power to end the world, taking everyone with him when he goes, and he will do it if no one stops him.