Jilted John

I was on Nigel Farage’s Brexit Fisheries boat and he was serving smoked salmon and I asked him if the smoked salmon was British and he told me to piss off

Rowling, Forstater, Davies and your ilk; take a fucking bow you absolute dangers metro.co.uk/2023/05/25/i...

It's apparently too much effort to reply "Yes" to a question asked on Teams rather than just putting a like on the question so now I spend a significant part of the day wondering "Well, does that mean 'Yes'?"

Narrator: He wasn't really sorry

some jokes write themselves

Just noticed that the Fanta Zero I bought on Friday is, in fact, Fanta non-Zero which would account for the peculiar blood glucose spikes over the weekend. So I now I find myself melting without any cold drinks that aren't basically deadly to me, thanks Friday me

Could there be a better example of "the trans debate" than 98% of women supporting trans people and then one single lone person voting against them and getting their way regardless. It's all such a fucking sham

Ha, just realised that it's Tuesday, not Monday so the annoying Monday midday meeting where I have to say what I'll be working on this week isn't happening. Result!

Chen is said to have spent the 400,000 Solar Credits on an Emm of Tarranium, a luxury "Spar" Space Yacht, and a pen.

If you're unconscious, you can't say "I quit" #AEWDoN

Nice day for it

This. This is what the web's for. crispbag.co.uk

I don't think it's a good idea to legally privilege someone else's discomfort over another person's rights.

overly concerned about other people's genitals? fuck off, creep, no one wants to share a toilet with YOU

Hmmm

I think one of the best and most under-remarked on technological advances of the last few years is that vacuum cleaners now have little headlights on them.

What a grim world we live in that doing a bit of gay porn which brings people sexy joy is more shameful than being a councillor for the party of hate.

Wes Streeting is an extremist. This is like the Home Secretary meeting with the BNP, Britain First, Patriotic Alternative, Eugenicists for a White Christ, and whatever else “to discuss citizenship issues” He should be nowhere near power.

fuck off sharepoint fuck

Stop bullying trans people

Reform immigration policies but with Harriet Harman. Yeah, that'll do it.

Shit, thought my flight home was an hour later than it is, should still catch it but now officially panicking

Hur hut

AZ Vs Twente. Troy Parrot starting for AZ, Lucas Venegoor of Hesselink on the bench for Twente

The person who decided that the number 1 should be indistinguishable from a lower case L in certain common typefaces is really getting on my tits this morning

I like the idea of these two in the pub, giggling to each other while pointing out how small everybody's heads are.

Have you ever noticed that the massive, coordinated, multi-year assault on trans rights is based on NOTHING WHATSOEVER

Meh. "Oh no, the candidate for the racist party I'm planning to vote for because I'm a racist was previously a member of a different racist party so I won't vote for them now" said nobody ever

if i was a geologist I'd be insufferable. I'd be saying shit like "this rocks" and "we've barely scratched the surface" all the time

Which London Underground journey is faster? Test your tube knowledge! I scored 15 on Play Your Tubes Right. edjefferson.com/playyourtube...

Always get anxious when one of my videos hits 100,000 views, in case I have to go five rounds with that scouse lad who took his partner's phone to be mended and got called 'a big fat smelly cunt'

Had to make this after reading that (genuine) quote from Ian Hislop, editor of @privateeyenews.bsky.social

Why do the Japanese like their buns askew (2026)

What we saying, two hours before a signed memo from Starmer saying "Just tell them to fucking get him appointed" turns up?

Always good to see (and make a terrible video of) a song thrush

Death penalty for website developers who don't automatically activate the field that you're typing the 6 digit code into

university is SUPPOSED to challenge your beliefs! unless of course your belief is that trans people are awful, in which case awwww poor ickle baby, did the nasty mean people exist near you, awwwww poor baby, here let me give you a book deal and a podcast so you can tell us how scared you were

If only there were a way to know that "the CEO of Arbitrage Group Properties" might be a terrible person

Fuck's sake, it is not "a difficult situation" if the doctor says a player needs to come off, TNT Sports. It actually makes the manager's decision very easy by reducing the number of options to one.

Air to Ground Message: 3GOOD MORNING GOT A NOVELTY FOR ME THIS MORNING. SOME WATER RED IN COLOR IS DRIPPING FROM THE OVERHEAD OF 6A. 1 DROP PER SECOND NOT COMING FROM ANYTHING IN THE BIN. WHAT COULD IT BE Area: UK Type: Airbus A330-300 A: #afe54ff5b90 F: #f2bf3bf244e #acars #vdlm2

Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto

I think I was probably marginally happier yesterday when I had no idea what a Clavicular is

Even by BBC Sport standards this is a desperate attempt to gin up sympathy for Liverpool Football Club

Maybe the best pro wrestling match you'll see this week.

Mildred Burke vs. June Byers Boston Arena, Boston MA May 6, 1948

if you're is living payday to payday spending pretty much all of your money on staying housed and eating then it is kind of annoying to have some guy whose job is having opinions be like "You fool, you buffoon, you have a bag of crisps more discretionary income than you did last year."

I snorted