must’ve felt so good in the 18th century to scowl severely at another man and say “you forget yourself” and know he wants to suck you off so bad

baseball games when it rains: we need to delay the game for a few hours just to keep everyone safe :) football games when it’s an absolutely biblical torrential downpour with 40mph winds or snowing sideways so hard the cameraman cannot find the ball: fuck it, send them out there

one trouble with real world aus of fantasy is that it’s both funny for the names to stay and funny for them to change. it’s funny to imagine there being a curufinwë fëanáro walking around boston as if that’s normal but it’s also hilarious to anglicize him as like curmudgeon frederick or something

for some reason when i’m telling a friend something in public and i realize midway through this is going to be a bit more graphic than i should really get here i am suddenly possessed by a historical gentleman. why did i refer to a boner as “the personal state of affairs that he was in”

this may strike some viewers as snobbish but i have had to accept that the silmarillion fandom has given me unrealistic expectations for how widely read i can anticipate people in fandoms being because like i venture into other corners and immediately it’s like no one has read any book ever

any time a story involves an adult woman being awful to a little boy i turn evil reading discussion of it because 100% of the time the takes are either hating her in a deeply misogynist way or doing full scale abuse apologia to defend her on the grounds that the victim is a boy with no in between

at some point years ago i started jokingly referring to plural elf babies as the babyar but it’s been so long now that at this point i occasionally have to remind myself that thats not like a fandom bit that people know, that’s just some shit i say. i cannot just be talking about elrond’s babyar

something that’s always vaguely funny to me when writing fantasy is that it often makes sense for women in these settings to be addressed as “lady” as a respectful and deferent term but in present colloquial use calling a woman “lady” is neutral at best but usually disrespectful

i don’t have kids so i brag about my friends instead. i talk about my besties recent accomplishments with fond pride as if i had literally anything to do with it

A crop of a lovely Haldir I drew recently 🌼🌳🌼🌳🌼 #haldir #lordoftherings #tolkien

maeglin and idril 🗡️👑

it’s good to be critical of what’s popular in fandom but it’s also good to be real. don’t be the people who pretended there was no discernible reason shirtless dripping wet evil manny jacinto was more popularly shipped than the teen girl in alien makeup when that one star wars show came out

i saw what was presumably a german police car in rural america the other day like it was clearly a european make no american cop would have with a government car type of paint job and it said POLIZEI on the side and i keep thinking about it because what. did someone import a german police car. why

one of the unorthodox gil-galad origins i indulge in is the idea of him being andreth and aegnor’s son which is for the most part terribly sad but it’s funny of andreth in the sense that like. have the lords of the noldor ever pissed you off so bad you released your own, improved lord of the noldor

the nature of online leftism is that people are like “i would DIE for regular working class people” and you’re like “would you talk to them? would you meet them where they are and explain your views in an accessible way so you can work together?” and they’re like absolutely fucking not. idiot

there are many things that might be said about the taming of the shrew but i think we can all agree that being stuck because you can’t marry a woman until her terror of an older sister gets married and then being like wait…but we know the most batshit man in the world and he’ll LOVE her is hilarious

an industry secret we all keep from you is that as a tolkien fan you are granted one free age of middle-earth to kind of not give a fuck about. for me personally the second age is my neglected middle child i don’t pay that much attention to. for many of my dearest elf romancers its the third age

saeros’ line about human women is about the women of hithlum but i think if the main contact the doriathrim have with humans are haladin who have women warriors and had woman chieftain and doriath is intensely patriarchal it probably makes sense that human women are a source of sexual/gender anxiety

i love that mudcrabs are not hostile in elder scrolls online, which is earliest in the in-universe chronology, but they are hostile in the other elder scrolls games. love the idea that one of the things that changes about tamriel over time is that crabs become total assholes

there aren’t many experiences i have in common with a silmarillion elf but when i was like 15 my girlfriend at the time and i were reading a book her dad had and out fell a picture of her mom where she was nude but covered by her artfully draped ankle length hair and this has 100% happened to an elf

of course thinking about dwarves means thinking about racial and religious othering in middle-earth but it also involves a lot of consideration of disability because of the way that the otherness of dwarves is constructed in their bodies which are presented as stunted and malformed and unbeautiful

the thing about any woman in game of thrones (HBO) is that for the most part the writing’s two modes are violent misogyny and things that are written to be crack cocaine to people who think “we are the daughters of the witches you couldn’t burn” is profound and you have to accept this and move on

one reason to write fic just for yourself is that sometimes you’re in a bad situation and want to calm yourself with some fanfiction and imagine you’re already at the end of your rope and now someone mischaracterized glorfinberen the sexy. you’d go postal. avoid this by reading your own fic and rp

man of stone & bone #almireart

the funniest thing about supernatural is the way that the creator and original showrunners were jewish so they have these presumably gentile men use a totally inexplicable amount of yiddish. they have these protestant men from kansas saying dayenu and shtupping and bubkes and making jdate jokes

what is the peak of homoeroticism and why is it this letter from 1142

oh, you know, just caranthir being his charming self

the lion does not concern himself with the unanimous opinions of his lords and advisors and daughter and patron diety. the lion does not concern himself with anyone who is not his evil nephew who he loves so much

it makes me laugh to remember when christopher tolkien died because a hush fell over the fandom whose normal standard activity is critiquing his editorial decisions and the vibe for maybe three days was “goodnight, sweet prince” and then immediately “anyway, back to why this choice was bullshit—”

i engage in many gil-galad parentage concepts but my favorite thing i have ever cooked up will always be the idea that he is finduilas’ son who, as families have done when someone is inconveniently pregnant for time immemorial, has been delicately passed off as her significantly younger brother

sometimes i think about haleth hearing caranthir’s voice tremble ever so slightly and its the only sign of emotion because his face is still grim and proud with his stern frown but she hears that waver just for a second and i turn into an undomesticated lethal creature

[trying to fit in with my friends who are into kpop] so like i do love legolas and everything but i’m actually really into the more nugu elves

the thing is that there are many people in the world who create truly great art but as people are kind of excruciating to be around in one way or another and this has always been the case but the accessibility of authors on social media means that you are more aware of it than ever

the long 19th century ambience of tolkien is such that despite the fact that his characters are sort of pseudo-medieval it feels correct for many of them to be using bizarre 19th century euphemisms like i know they’re indicating someone is pregnant by saying they’re awaiting an interesting event

there are some canonical marriages in the legendarium that i think were probably arranged for political benefit but the thing is that due to the nature of the vast majority of these characters place in society as ancient feudal nobility any marriage they could possibly be in is a political activity

you may not like it but often the most flavorful depiction of something is a person coping with it by being horrible and extremely offensive about it. homophobic gay, sexual assault denier rape victim, woman enforcing patriarchy on other women, etc.

“body-impulse” (hroafelmë) being a known word in quenya is crazy why did john tolkien provide the biblically accurate term for horny

i do not “use fiction to cope”, i just so happen to experience divine inspiration and medieval nun visions of elf fanfictions when in moments of emotional distress

never in my life have I seen art of beleg cúthalion with a beard so I had to be the change I wanted to see in the world

generally, anything made to be anti-genre is inevitably terrible. it has nothing to say except that the genre is bad and it usually doesn’t actually know the genre well enough to insightfully criticize it, so you get petty humor at the genre’s expense, but not any conversation with its real flaws

i love to think of a finrod who knows that aegnor is of course aware that andreth grieves their parting deeply but has this gnawing sense that aegnor does not at all grasp the degree to which this destroyed her and would not be able to bear it if he did

this is the type of thing i mean when i say it’s not that i ship samfrodo exactly, it’s just that i can read

a lot of people are like “romantasy is bad” just as a general kind of romance (derogatory) thing but as someone who is knowledgeable about and interested in the romance genre i can tell you earnestly that on average the prose of an 80s/90s romance novel just eats the prose of new romantasy for lunch

it’s always funny when discord servers ask you to choose a fandom role because i’ve written fanfiction before but i wouldn’t classify my role in fandom as a fic writer. i honestly think i’m just a yapper like my role is posting my 3 sentence concept and leaving. my contribution is my 60k+ tweets

maeglin is a disaster specifically because he’s like if fëanáro was nolofinwë like he’s what happens if the charismatic, brilliant smith with the dead mother trauma and a father figure who loves him to the point of blindness to his flaws had nolofinwë’s scheming political cunning

There is nothing for you here, only death #lotr

we among the wise understand that to give a character faith is to create the shard of a blade lodged in their body that the narrative will see gets closer to their heart by the day