baseball is always some guy who is a physically perfect specimen being guided day and night by world class trainers, nutritionists, and doctors hoping to beat a record set by some guy named Pickles Bitch in 1937 who lived on cigarettes and moonshine and did not exercise other than baseball games

my niche thing i wish made more of an appearance in historical fiction and medieval englandish fantasy is livery of seisin. i want to see transfers of land happening by somewhat elaborate ceremony where some physical piece of the land is transferred from person to person before witnesses

it used to sort of confuse me that i love awful men but that a lot of fantasy villains do nothing for me and i figured out that what it is is that i love awful men but i need them to suck in a very tangible, human way and there is something distant and abstract about like supernatural forces of evil

the immediate emotion of seeing some guy making lord of the rings lore videos

faramir describing éowyn’s suicidal unrequited love of aragorn as “as a great captain may to a young soldier, he seemed to you admirable” is truly the all timer example of het where you’re not sure if that comment was a little gay of him or a little trans of her or both

it’s very beautiful to me that bob dylan is a famous singer like he was getting up there sounding like a french horn being tortured for information and everyone liked it so much they made him a cultural icon

honestly the experience of loving lord of the rings is being aware that a solid 50% of Internet Jokes about lord of the rings have some concerning implications if you consider them seriously. i will never be a true internet funnyman because i am burdened by a great passion for the implications

if you think too much about the politics of dwarves and how fraught everything about gimli and galadriel is as a result of it, the idea that galadriel gives her hair to gimli to spite fëanor actually feels like a pretty grim read of her rather than humorous

the true strangeness of fantasy is that everything is trying to be like tolkien and yet at the same time absolutely nothing is trying to be like tolkien in the sense that everyone’s aesthetics and world constructions are seeped in lord of the rings but tolkien’s actual writing is nowhere to be found

i actually think if guillermo del toro had made the hobbit it would be a visually beautiful film with interesting design choices that was nonetheless kind of ham-fisted with the story at moments. i still want to see it, to be clear, but i foresee different problems in my elf knower crystal ball

unfortunately the extra grim read of a character or relationship you have concocted because you’re understandably annoyed at the people woobifying it is also reactionary to fandom and not a response to the source. neither of you are reading here

the initial appearance of catherine earnshaw’s ghost is so good on so many levels but the part that always makes me crazy is how she appears as a little girl but she gives her married name. lockwood asks the child clawing at the window begging to be let in who she is and she says catherine linton

sometimes layers of erotic metaphor are there because the author is into something weirder than fucking and sometimes layers of erotic metaphor are there because the author can’t look at fucking too directly and i think plenty of people who think they’re the former are actually the latter

whenever i find out a screenshot of one of my posts is going around on tumblr i like to go look around in the notes for a minute and sometimes there is annoying stuff in there but i do enjoy when it reaches silm fans who respond to my username like the leonardo dicaprio pointing gif

i think the key discrepancy in how elves and dwarves of beleriand tell their history and the enmity between them is not actually over who was at fault with the nauglamir but rather that elves start the story with the nauglamir and dwarves begin with the hunting of the petty dwarves

i would ask why a random post of mine from july is popping off right now but given it’s the one about turning into an animal thinking about how historical men were wearing stockings and sleeping in dresses……carry on

my most southern elf enjoyer experience was when i was acquainted with a man whose son was named balin for several years before it clicked that he was named after the dwarf from the hobbit because i had never seen it written and it was pronounced like baylenn due to the accent

i never realize how much audacity i live with until i read posts like “if you need permission to [blank], this is your sign. it’s okay to [blank]” and my knee jerk response is like permission? who would you be to tell me yes or no in the first place? and then i realize this is clearly not about me

the thing about “caranthir was haughty and scarce concealed his scorn for the unloveliness of the dwarves” is that the world creates dwarves as inferiors so the intended negative characterization of caranthir feels less that he thinks those things and more that he’s ill mannered enough to show it

i can’t think about lord of the rings too much on my lunch break or i’ll be insane the entire afternoon

terf fascination with éowyn is always funny because i understand why they do it but at the same time there’s something hilarious about being transphobic and making a woman who took on a male alter ego in which to kill herself and have a death she could be at peace with your queen

i feel like us beating canada in both men’s and women’s hockey would’ve been fair if the blue jays had won the world series like if they had won our sport it would be fair for us to beat them at theirs in return but seeing as the blue jays lost this feels a bit unseemly. insult to injury

no YOU don’t want to watch one piece because it’s so long. i don’t want to watch one piece because i think it looks really ugly in like every clip and still i’ve ever seen. i lack the strength for all that

Elrond has had ENOUGH #Tolkien #art

when i was 18ish my best friend and i were for some reason talking about childbirth and he was like “you could do it but in a toxic masculinity way. like you’d somehow feel the need to prove you’re man enough to take the pain of birth” and if i’m honest that’s how i imagine haleth having offspring

het where they make her gender non-conforming as like a feminist W is fine but it will never hold a candle to het where the author was just getting monstrously horny thinking about a man and a woman who somehow feel like men together

for me, historical accuracy on film is exactly like book accuracy with an adaptation in the sense that inaccuracy is actually perfectly fine when it’s done thoughtfully and for the purpose of advancing the storytelling. it’s bad when it hurts the story or is done out of simple laziness

as of today it is now the month of adar on the hebrew calendar which means i get to experience a whole month of jewish posts that out of context read like a categorically insane statement from a tolkien elf talking about their father

if I have sex with the dwarf and consider my marriage an annulled contract then I offend my father over his father's annulled marriage contract but also did my father not renounce my mother by calling her not a true wife thereby annulling his marriage contract (dwarf hot)

i am of the opinion that the most interesting thing you can do with two fantasy cultures is give them both bigotry and harmful societal structures that just operate differently and in clashing ways and this tends to inform most of the things i make up about dwarves

roy mustang may be an all time animated sexyman but he is also like a caricature of a liberal in that he is a colonel in a fascist military who discovers that his fuhrer, on whose orders he has already committed genocide, is evil and he’s like oh my god we have to warn the rest of nazi high command

i understand why people began to talk about “representation” and that all intentions came from the right place but i think it has been bad for virtually every conversation about diversity in fiction and popular culture because it oversimplifies everything and flattens all other critique

one of the many appalling aspects of sexual abuse scandals is that after a while you get the feeling that everyone is having a perverse sort of fun talking about this because it’s salacious and spooky. there is a true crime watcher sort of voyeurism going on more than any honest sorrow

honestly tolkien’s most tolkien moment was hiding some of his most unhinged romantic lines in a side text read by relatively few people that is mostly a theological conversation about fate and death. that was him at his bare essentials

superbowl winners saying they’re world champions is always kind of like if you said you were the world champion of running stoplights in some town in arkansas in the sense that that is probably true but you’ve never really seen a son of a bitch from anywhere else in the world trying that out either

#silmarillion #celegorm #murderelves

i, for one, am rather over it being that time of year where the air is such that your only option to not have atrociously dry skin is to lube your entire body up with lotion and moisturizer and then slither into bed like some sort of eel every evening

you hate to give a landlord credit but my landlord getting a message from me that my mailbox fell off in the snow and sending a guy out there who proceeded to put the mail box back on the post but screw the front shut so it’s still unusable is an incredible bit. i’ll allow it because it’s funny

Knight and Cloak of Night [ #art | #oc | #ttrpg ]

the key inaccuracy you see in sports yaoi a lot isn’t actually people not knowing how these games and leagues work it’s people who don’t watch sports having no metric for what kind of gay stuff is acceptable for straight guy athletes to do together and what kind of gay stuff is gay

little tyelpe portrait🫶

i’m like if a grown man had the figure of a milkmaid in 18th century pornography and a license to practice law

when i was in high school there were 2 pages in every classroom copy of the epic of gilgamesh that were glued shut because in a previous year a boy had found it too erotic and audibly moaned in class and that’s kind of how writing silmarillion erotica feels. i’m moaning during the epic of gilgamesh

i’m sure this has been said but fernando by abba has to be the all time example of the lyrics not quite matching the vibe of the song like it’s so cute and chipper sounding and the words are about an old revolutionary recalling the look in a comrade’s eyes on a fateful night long before

if there is one thing i am sure of it’s the fëanorian propensity for making titles and honorifics derogatory. i just know that fëanáro somehow injected an ability to say the words “my lord” in such a way that it sounds like a slur into that bloodline

something beloved about an old as fuck fandom that nothing new has is that any time you are curious about something related to it there is inevitably a forum or niche website dedicated specifically to what you’re looking for that was built when you were in kindergarten and is still updated regularly

don’t get me wrong people are welcome to quote my posts with whatever but just know if you quote my post assigning it to a character or pairing i don’t know about i will ask friends who are into that if your assignment was accurate. the council will decide your fate

i always love a pairing where one of them is extremely sexually repressed but is emotionally available in general and the other is normal about sex but would kill themselves immediately if they ever displayed a feeling. they’re both giving each other a panic attack and that’s very beautiful to me

"but curufin smiled" top 5 metal lines

sometimes i remember that in eso you find out sai sahan is in love with his old friend and comrade lyris because you and lyris come to his rescue when he is being tortured for information and you find that one of the things his torturers have done to break him is show him a Not-Lyris who loves him