asking why a man in any kind of gay erotic image would have socks on here is like seeing a pin up girl and going “why does she still have her stockings and garters on, though?”

doing things to him that are concerning to the Convocation

death's call

“what if there’s some perv out there that’s getting off on this innocent video” is not a fearmonger that works on me because i’m the perv. i’ve stumbled across dumb ass #funny videos before where some guy gets hit in the balls or whatever that made me physically go 😳 because he made a pain sound

i’m just saying that every time dick size has ever been a topic of conversation online everyone is spending way too much time on length and not nearly enough about how thick it is

you know how when a dog starts humping something and everyone sort of scolds but finds this funny and harmless because it’s a dog that can’t help itself. that’s the horniest part of puppy play to me. the amused condescension about the puppy getting too excited

a key aspect of the aretyaoi is that younger aredhel is suffering from that repressed transmasculine insanity where roughness and dick that kind of hurts a little makes you feel like a man. and celegorm is perfect for that

and you know what, fine. i’ll say it. a young adult hobbit apparently being easily confused for a nine or ten year old child to humans does lend a certain freakery to hobbit/human

melian the maia —— for @meladriel.bsky.social ✧

the horniest depiction of any sadist is always when the writer understands that allowing yourself to beat the shit out of someone like you really want to is also a loss of control in a certain way

at a certain point being wrong about fictional sexual dynamics becomes a little impressive to me like it’s rare but occasionally in fandom you encounter someone who appears to be wrong about like every ship they’ve ever crossed paths with and that is fascinating in a certain way. an incredible mind

historical setting erotica is funnier if you interpret every implausibly cut dick to mean that the subject is jewish. you’ll just be seeing some medieval knight about to pound his squire thinking well mazel tov to this man

Day 10 - Oral sex #kinktober

historical erotica is often underestimating the degree to which the average straight man in the period they’re writing about would have been absolutely diabolically horny about bush

absolutely horrifying when ppl are complaining about some fictional dude and they’re listing objectively negative traits but you love horrible men so you’re reading this like pleasepleasePLEASE stop there’s only so wet my pussy can get

one of my favorite alienfucking things is when the alien is inhuman enough that kissing has to be explained. like oh yeah one of our intimate things is that we touch our mouth parts to each other. it can mean very different things depending on the kind of mouth-touching, yeah

my thesis of maeglin/dior is [while literally balls deep] i sure hope celegorm isn’t my biological father. i sure hope celegorm isn’t your biological father either

there are characters i think are bisexual and then there are characters who i think fuck women but have probably also fucked men because a hole is a hole and those are two completely different things

the fact that it’s new year will not stop me from thinking about an elf’s fat tdick. in fact i consider this perfect for the occasion

as i always say: i love aegnor and andreth love children but the only problem with them is that when i think of the aegnor that exists in my mind, i’m not entirely convinced that man has ever looked down the barrel of a snatch in his life

turgon/finrod to me just has to be giving edwardian schoolboy sodomy like it has to give the part of every notable early 20th century british man’s memoir where he’s like obviously, all boys are homosexuals at school

imagine being the person that's like "squirting isn't real!! it's just piss!!!" as if fucking someone so good they piss themselves isn't the hottest thing that could possibly happen

oh, you know, just caranthir being his charming self

i knew that doing fun and active things for a few weeks would catch up with me and my body would beat my ass when it did like i was prepared for this but nonetheless…….well, if you see 50 thousand elfposts from me in the next week, you know why

I think the 12 lords should test this theory one after the other for science

i think that a prostate orgasm might kill turgon like i think it might cause a problem in his atoms and unmake him :( but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t subject him to it

the chest, stomach, thigh, & arm combination in this small stretch of canvas alone inspires a need for convalescence.

may I offer the people a princess lalwendë in this exciting time?

everybody be quiet i need to create a brand new elder scrolls oc to stroke a reptile man’s fins as a gesture of friendly affection and make him force himself to act normal about it with both his dicks hard enough to cut glass

i just realized this isn’t 100% true because in ancient days in the sands of time like 5 years ago on old lotr tw*tter i was deemed problematic for liking maedhros/fingon which if you know me you understand is the incest shipper cancellation equivalent of al capone going to jail for tax evasion

i understand and respect people whose transmasculinity leads them to enjoy male characters who display a positive image of masculinity it’s just that unfortunately my transmasculinity often leads me to enjoy male characters who are truly vile bastards and display the worst masculinity has to offer

Legolas and Gimli - infatuated [ #art | #lotr ]

dwarf who intentionally leads elf through passages that are not tall enough for him because he likes to see him crawl

haleth learning about the unspeakable vibes between caranthir and angrod is so funny. it’s not even finding out about your boyfriend’s boyfriend, it’s discovering the chew toy your dog has been known to amuse himself with sometimes

everybody be quiet i need to create a brand new elder scrolls oc to stroke a reptile man’s fins as a gesture of friendly affection and make him force himself to act normal about it with both his dicks hard enough to cut glass

real ones know hador sucked nolofinwë’s dick like it was a job and rent was due TOMORROW but that is neither here nor there

#richphil #🦁🦊 Happy #Yaoi Day everyone…have some edging and blasphemy 🙏🏽❤️

this is also why i always joke that there is a funny thing where you can often see someone who is younger and tends towards this mentality about shipping get into tolkien and because it’s by and large not like that after about 6 months you see them go

what’s happening to the elf in my mind is sort of like cnc but it’s not consensual. it’s like non-consensual non-consent. if only there was a word for that

disliking a masochist character is so frustrating because it’s like what am i gonna do, beat his ass? i can’t give him the pleasure of that

male oc and he doesn’t have a heinous sexual trauma? oh! no, no it’s fine. of course that’s okay. i just kind of thought maybe he would respond to another’s touch in a way that makes the reader touch the ground and know something happened here but of course he doesn’t have to

any kind of feanorian brocon that doesn’t involve caranthir is immediately funny because i imagine they all suspect he was fucking that adaneth but won’t bring it up because they know if they do he will equip the nuclear warhead that is the brotherfucking happening in their midst

“the marriage was arranged but they waited to consummate it until they were both ready” absolutely not. not in my house. they’re going to have a businesslike fuck out of mutual obligation and i’m going to enjoy every moment of watching it

obviously i’m not unaware of transphobia or something but i will say that because i am so accustomed to my serene circles of queer elf lickers i had sort of forgotten until I ventured into house of the dragon how wildly, derisively angry otherwise progressive fandom people get about transmasculinity

i agree that you probably shouldn’t be with someone seriously who thinks it’s wrong to be queer but i’m also not sure i can in good faith agree with stuff like “if my partner thought loving me was a sin i would end it all” because unfortunately i’m insanely horny about other people’s guilt and shame

the talmud is also just specific like the bible: and [delilah] pressed [samson] with her words and urged him, that his soul was vexed unto death the talmud: what is meant by “and urged him”? rabbi yitzhak, student of rabbi ami explains: she kept leaving him right when he was going to cum, clearly

the difference between biblical eroticism and talmudic eroticism is that biblical eroticism is about perfumes and oil and jewels and bright metal and sweet fruits whereas talmudic eroticism is about famine and feast and hungry mouths and setting the table for a lover to eat from

all body shapes and sizes are good obviously but the thing is that after you date a fat man every skinny man you are ever with after will feel a little bit like you are cuddling with a folding lawn chair by comparison