He looks like a cormorant about to be cleaned by RSPB volunteers.

The Crystal Palace manager looks like a lesbian Jake Humphreys #highperformance

I see Ed Davey is discussing his role in the Post Office scandal again.

Posted this on Twitter but didn’t have @5goalthriller.bsky.social for back up. Never tire of it. Utter perfection open.spotify.com/track/29A2p9...

Found one for you @michaelglasper.bsky.social if you’re looking to relive the glory of ‘in the background on the radio’ news.sky.com/story/us-com...

Hi all. Just checking in to see how my tumble weed is coming along. See you soon.

Not bad for a team whose players all cost 30 pence.

I think the best way to confuse alien invaders would be to play them 'White Rabbit' followed by 'We Built This City' and then tell them it's the same band.

Happy Birthday to @enkay8.bsky.social 🎂🎂🎂🥂🥂🥂Have a great day. Here’s a picture of home for you x

I wonder what Meghan will do with her third wish?

I loved ‘The Offer’ @michaelglasper.bsky.social Thanks for the recommendation 👍🏼

Whoop, whoop, that's the ground of the police.

@michaelglasper.bsky.social It’s time for the car!

Heard somedody on the news today saying that teenage darts prodigy Luke Littler now had 'an army of young fans eager to emulate him', and now I can't get the phrase 'Littler Youth' out of my head.

The worst TV event of the year is nearly upon us, so I present to you my latest poem, entitled: Ruby Turner Corner

Ugh, Monday.

My wife works for the NHS and is on a twelve-hour shift until 10pm tonight. Let's all have a moment to thank her and the millions of people like her keeping the country going over the next few days.

Wordle 917 2/6 🟨⬜🟩⬜🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

@5goalthriller.bsky.social @michaelglasper.bsky.social @davidmuttering.bsky.social @caoimhinof.bsky.social A message awaits

Stranger Things stage production was absolutely next level. Never seen effects, staging and integration with video like it. Genuinely puzzled how they did some of it. An absolute treat for fans.

What the operation would have been called if I’d been running the Cold War.

Christmas is coming! When considering presents, please try one of these three books. Perfect for anyone who enjoys, football, reading or laughing. Stories galore from over 300 football autobiographies. They're good fun, I promise.

If you’re a contestant on Bargain Hunt don’t spend more than four quid on anything, because the literal tramps they assemble for the auctions won’t go above five.

Coming home after 10 pints of Guinness and a Prawn Vindaloo, I can assure you that the other passengers on the train did not consider it a win when I used the bin.

New name sorted

Sad losses today in the worlds of politics, music, and pulling sausages out of the fanny.

What?! No way. This is shocking.

Same.

When a Child is Born by New Order. I’d try it.

You call it “getting blackout drunk” I call it “time travelling to a dystopian future where everyone’s upset with me”

You'd *literally* just met her.

If you put a scotch egg behind Alan Brazil’s head, he looks just like he did in the 80’s.

Getting flashed.

And just like that, I’m banned from Marks & Spencer’s.

Great news for fans of Aston Ham, getting their top boy back into high office.

I’m so sorry @michaelglasper.bsky.social You’ve read hundreds of politics books over the years, but it’s me they want. Tough day for you.

“Such a lovely surprise when I got it home - there were still two sherbet fountains in the pockets”

What’s this bollocks?!

Fuck off, who, who