Went to the zoo yesterday. 25000 steps. Saw loads of cool stuff plus Steve Backshall doing a talk on sharks. Forgot to take any pictures for @mindlesmandles.bsky.social sorry bab.

So. Shorts to pub as cooler, or jeans as a bit smarter? Hmmmm.

Curse my planning skills! I’ve organised retirement drinks for my ex-mentor. And I’ve only gone and organised it at a great pub with an awesome selection of beers and a massive beer garden on the nicest day of the year so far. Fucksticks. It’s going to be awful (ly hungover tomorrow)

In completely typical news, I’m moving to a new project role. Just seen one of the job roles for one of the people I’ll supervise and they’re offering £5k more than they’re proposing to pay me? Think I’ll apply for that then. Why are companies just so shit?!?

Reminder. We’re in 2026. Not the dark fucking ages. Not that it’s easy to tell. Maybe crack in every corner shop isn’t such a bad thing. It’d help take the edge off.

If I say Fuck two more times that’s forty six fucks in this fucked up rhyme…

Today’s song is Angel Song by Nothing More.

This morning I managed to hurt my back / hip by… Putting my toothbrush back on the sink. I tell ya. Theo’s getting old lark is a fucking joy!

This weekend in the UK the weather will be very hot and it’s going to be trying for the young, old and Goth. Please do check in on your Goth friends and ensure they have access to lace gloves and a black laced frilled parasols. If they do have to venture out, slather them in this first.

Difficult to tell for sure Joe Browns, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s not a bloke.

This looks like it could be fun. “Look at the plums on that!” 🤣 I mean Red Dwarf probably did it better in Parallel Universe, but still.

Ladies. Did you know you can tell if a bloke has a tiny penis from his hands? Yep. If he does this, he’s hung like a hamster.

Mate everyone under 50 is going to die at their desk typing 'as per my last email'

Made some scrambled egg on toast.

Today's song is Slither by Velvet Revolver.

Monday…

Today’s song is For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica.

Emergency pack has been obtained. 🚬

Ladies / Gents, What scent on a man is “da bomb”? Currently I’m wearing a Gucci Envy dupe, but it’s running low and was considering switching it up.

Me: Phew. I’m knackered after all that CrossFit. DMR: it’s pronounced croissant and you ate six you greedy cunt.

This is glorious. This type hate to be mocked, even though it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

Got given a sound bar and sub woofer, so I absolutely HAVE to watch Aliens to test it out right?

Brighton. 💔

Today’s song is Big City Life by Luude & Mattaflix.

"Shut up Wesley!" If he becomes PM, this is going to be my most used video response for the next 3 years* *Or until he gets removed from office by someone else

Right. Fuck it. I’m off to watch Human Traffic in my pants with a bucket of popcorn.

Today’s song is Somebody Loves You by Aly & Flia (with Plumb)

Finally figured out who Wes Streeting reminds me off. This guy. Same vibe. Same complexion.

Cos. We all need a laugh. 😂😂🐾🐾

Proper hankering for a cigarette right now…

Welp. That was a bit of a phone melter…

I can be both petty and small minded on occasion and I think I might be in love.

Today’s song is The Morning After by Faith No More.

Erm…

2 sex bots in one day. Still got it. Must get some ointment for it.

@deb-o-rah.bsky.social “Hands”?!? I’ve always kept them to myself.

Show me your nuts!

STOP PUTTING MENTHOL IN SHOWER STUFF YOU DIRTY BASTIDS!!

Eat out to help out?

Been playing with this. Translate English into LinkedIn Speak, or Corporate Jargon if you prefer.

Slightly increase a fuck off.

The power of suggestion is a funny thing. You see, you were breathing and blinking automatically, but you’re not anymore.

Micro Raucous has now gone two whole night without night time pants. He’s a very happy little boy. 😁

This is Bo. Bonus staying with us for a bit. Bo is a dickhead.

Nomenclature is important. They are not hot tubs. They’re sex ponds. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Could do with one of these for this place.

Tomorrow I’m taking my boys to see my mother, so now I’m torn between getting Twatted tonight to take the edge off and not getting twatted tonight so I’m not hung over which will make the whole day harder. Choices. Choices. 🤔

Today’s song is Silence by Delirium.

The joys of internet selling…