ICE was in our neighborhood today following around schoolbuses trying to abduct little kids. Among everything else, they are just a sketchy operation.

The scene in [redacted] where [redacted] chops off [redacted]'s [redacted] for what seems like [redacted] minutes is pretty embarrassing.

Grudgingly adding the Mypillow guy to the list of wacky goofballs that I am now obliged to take seriously.

Baby has the flu and I'm looking at probably being up all night with him. My four year old also has the flu. Also I have it.

this is one of the problems with scheming viziers running the show, trump says, clearly, that it's about the oil, and to him, it might be; for rubio, it's something different, for hegseth, it's yet again something different. the insanity comes from trying to reconcile three competing thoughts

I thought that the rest of the world was just going to ride these four years out but now I feel like he's gonna get assassinated.

I promise you, you'll never guess which "politics" they're referring to

Mfw Splinter is on the Epstein flight logs

Seeing people on here complaining about "new" Kermit the Frog "voice actor" Matt Vogel's voice. He's not a voice actor! He's a puppeteer! You could certainly find someone who does the voice better, but that's not the whole gig! You need somebody who can operate the puppet convincingly too!

just saw a billionaire pack all his things in a bindle and start leaving new york city on foot. he turned and looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “maybe one day when this city is safe we’ll return” before walking away

Once again silicon valley is trying to invent my wife

Lol, the guy who works in the cubicle across from me is constantly repeating the same story about how he only agreed to get vaxed for covid because the company offered to pay him $1000 but after taxes it was only like $650 and he would have never done it if he had known it would be so little.

“Reverse Jared” is just such an unfuckwithable joke - the twitter version of Jordan switching hands mid lay up rip to Mike Fossey - one of best to ever do it

So many classics of the form, RIP to a legend

"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...

This one is not as well remembered but damn I love it

The goat! sad news for all of us. Here’s my favorite:

I’m sure someone has shared these, possibly in this thread, but I skimmed and didn’t see them, so adding them on

Who can ever forget this banger. We lost a real one.

Rest in peace to Mike F, one of the all-time greats

mike fossey had a million good tweets but this is probably the one i think about the most, doing woodworking post-2010ish

One of the greatest of the Old Twitter comedians, Mike Fossey, has passed away much too young. Truly a legend of the genre.

One of the best to ever do it. His Art of War series of tweets cracks me up every time I think about that book.

Rest in Peace Mike

I deleted Popular with Friends and Discover because I noticed that I was engaging with them in a way that made me mad, like going on Twitter or Facebook. The reason recommendation algorithms are bad is because what captures my attention (or others') is often unhealthy.

(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne

I feel like Home Alone without John Williams would not be much more than a nineties attifact. Everything in that movie is cartoonish and the sense of stakes is almost completely reliant on the moron villains having their own Peter and the Wolf motif.

Every year I see at least one person I generally consider smart spell it "Santa Clause" because they never realized that that title was a pun.

I can't believe conservative accounts are kicking back at this rather than handling it the traditional way (pay lip service to the idea of helping the poor but dismiss every individual instance as "not really poor" or "it's their own fault" or "they'll buy drugs anyway.")

Just read an article theorizing that the sidelined hero Bulkington from Moby Dick is meant to have just returned from the voyage described in Edgar Alan Poe's seafaring novel The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket. And that his abortive storyline is a dig at Poe.

Jesus, can you hear me? Good, the comms are working. Now, you're gonna need to run if you want to evade those Roman soldiers. Hold down A to sprint. Go ahead and try it. ... Good work! You just might be the savior yet. Now pick up that AR-15 and let's do some target practice.

it should be normal for the audience to clap when anyone in the movie is clapping

"You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" is a novelty song and we don't need thirty different covers of it like it's a holiday standard. I have never heard a cover of that song that added anything worthwhile.

I think it all boils down, for me, to the fact that the Avatar movies are sold mostly as an amazing technical spectacle, but on a very obvious surface level they look very silly. (Haven't seen any of them yet)

I was just thinking the other day that I have recently been feeling the need to apologize for being white more than ever before.

I like how they gave Captain Janeway a girl surname so that even in a military setting where everyone is referred to by their last name you could still tell they were talking about a woman

Another brilliant move. A president with something to hide would never act so suspiciously.

Good thing they protected the victims by redacting any details that could identify them. I had no idea that Epstein was trafficking so many heavyset middle-aged white guys.

the source problem with what feels like the majority of things in America is: there's a nontrivial percentage of people who are obsessively aggrieved with things to the point of mental illness, they have nothing going on in their lives and no community that would moderate their behavior at all

I think I genuinely hate owning a smartphone. I don't think l can get rid of it entirely but I think I need to stop carrying it at home at least.

If you can express it in a prompt you can express it in words. That's what prompts are. You can't use AI to express something you can't articulate. You can only use it to generate something you can clearly describe, or more likely use it to generate something else and just give up and go with that.

Wavering on this. I think that figuring out how to coexist with and minister to paranoid, combative, hateful, bigoted, broken people is a core part of being Christian today. If Father Jud's flock isn't horrible, his dedication to his ministry means less. Certainly [major climactic moment] means less

At the dentist the other day I heard a version of Santa Baby where the singer was just doing a normal pop star voice and not trying to sound sexy at all, and I'm fascinated by this character who just casually asks Santa for a bunch of luxury shit in a bright, neutral tone