people who say this act like if they weren't at the airport they'd be at home curing cancer. what exactly are your big plans for your extra 45 minutes at home you fuckin loser

Hmm. Want to share reel but it does not make sense in my regular story, but it is sharing a little too much if I put it in Hornt Friends

Y’all fucking suck at timeline hygiene

Tough day to be a nosy bitch

*going back in time 15 years to warn myself about the future* “The president is an open pedophile. Over a million Americans died from a plague. Pasta sauce is recording people’s conversations!” “Haha ok sure where did you hear that, InfoWars?” “INFOWARS IS GOOD NOW!”

There's a war on for your mind. theonion.info

That’s right bb

You give based on scores of games, I give based on radio calls. We are not the same. #CharitibundiBowl

Oh is your little sportsball group doing their little thing where they raise a million dollars plus for refugees and backstopping programs that should be funded by a government that isn’t riddled with fascists? Frat rejects that care so much about a game they donate big money to help people huh

Get barstool out of bravo I swear to fuck

When you use AI to do your writing, you are telling your audience: “I deserve your attention, but you do not deserve my effort.”

this rules

🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ funniest 🕯️ 420 🕯️ ever 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️

I miss the eras tour

After Friday there’s not a low under 60 so it’s coffee on the balcony season once I get into the new place 🫦

We call talk about rubbing the balls when y’all learn basic anatomy

The way that statement feels at this moment

Getting much better at reading French after following some French news accounts before my trip so I’m just gonna keep going with it. Perhaps one day I will say something out loud

Fuck. Offfffffffff.

Did you say UATH?

Mister Styles, please

Hey Phillies

I need the Red Bull butter though

At least one of y’all needs to fucking cool it

Sunday night distraction mode engage ngl.link/streetlightl...

Of course the one I end up liking is available in purple but not pink and I am currently in a pink era 😭

whoops, today is apparently a "sibling kindness makes me choke up on the train" type of day

oh my god i spent my whole day looking at tricycles

Get Thabo's lawyer

just figured out that i like the e-trikes bc they're the closest i'm realistically going to get to Mario Kart

You can all fight over who gets to buy me the e-trike for my birthday in a couple months

pathetic, my car is much faster

Have talked myself into wanting just a folding trike but also feel like people will make fun of me and my hot pink tricycle 🥺

I just want to go to school

Hard to find the motivation to look for a job when half the government is trying to end the world ngl

The deadline to register to vote in the primary is April 20. That’s tomorrow. If you want a say in Georgia’s future, this is your moment. Check your registration. Get it done. Make your voice heard. mvp.sos.ga.gov

Sure, I could go for a blocked kick

Idk something along those lines

More parachutists on the scoreboard than uva had fans at their spring game

I’m going to be at least a day late with it but I am workshopping a joke bc my brain decided to play on super slow mo

lol spring games started and now I can’t stop talking shit

Can I get an e trike or is that just for olds

What in the shit

There should be a prize for every time a man misinterprets a skeet that is just Taylor Swift lyrics

Excited to attend the ribbon-cutting for the next segment of California’s solar canal initiative later this month in Hickman. Imagine generating solar power over 4,000 miles or so canals across the state. A lot of Sierra and Colorado River water to save via avoided evaporation.

Dear reader When you aim at the devil Make sure you don’t miss

Christopher! (derogatory)

Just taught my cat the concept of “hot plate”

I will never learn not to watch the hawks