Overslept by two hours and it’s completely destroyed my morning. I never sleep this late, not even on the weekend!!

Grinning like a 5-year old getting his participation trophy at the post-season T-ball pizza party.

Look at his stupid face, he really and truly thinks this means something. Tbh he’s probably ready to throw in the towel at this point. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever seen him look this genuinely happy

Remember Hannah Gadsby? lmao

Holly Hunter’s voice scratches such a specific itch in my brain and I’m so happy to hear her every week doing a Star Trek

Sometimes I think I post too much, but I’ve been using that labeler that shows you when someone’s posted over 50 times yesterday and I realize compared to a lot of you I simply never post

These loathsome fucking turds should be shouted at, interfered with, humiliated, & disdained at every possible opportunity. They should face contempt everywhere they turn until the day they die.

I think we can call that a wrap on Giving A Shit About The Nobel Prize

Can’t imagine anything more than embarrassing for the Nobel committee tbh…if this is who you’re giving the award to, why should anyone aspire to it??

ok calm down, co-star

It's absolutely INFURIATING to see the same people in the press who did their armchair neurology routine diagnosing Joe Biden with dementia and questioning his basic motor functions b/c he wore orthopedic shoes have absolutely NOTHING to say about this.

i will say that this would work as an excellent premise for a sitcom

Nancy 1/14/26

cucumbers are so gross, just grow up and be pickles!!

soooooo sleepy. i’m powering through though, being so brave and strong

got that dunkin merch 🍩

51% of Americans believe ICE is making cities less safe, now is the time for Democrats to go out and tell people that they're right and here's how we'll eliminate ICE as a threat to you

It has now been one week since a masked man shot and killed an American mother of three in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And for all intents and purposes, the shooter, and his accomplices, remain at large.

I’m still paying my taxes from last year on a payment plan…should I just stop at this point?? Like…I don’t wanna give them my money

I’ve been on a real Reese’s Pieces kick lately and lemme tell you, that freaky little alien was onto something, they’re great!

Told my parents they should take some classes at the Apple Store now that they’ve both switched over to iPhones and they’re retired…but so far the only one I know they’ve taken was about Apple Intelligence…so they learned to make Genmoji of my nephew…

but…but it’s whiskey fridays with tony dokoupil

UPDATE: Jack Daniel’s parent co. Brown-Forman tells me it has nothing to do with CBS’ “Whiskey Friday” concept. “Jack Daniel’s is not involved in any such segment, nor do we have any awareness of the segment and any potential partnerships or sponsorships.”

Whenever I get a targeted ad for PrEP I’m like, ok good job, you clocked me as a fag, but you’re too late and this no longer applies so can we keep it moving

Hey do you think I can save this plant??

Curious if today’s crossword was intentionally tied to a certain Instagram post or if it was simply a happy accident….

man they really knocked it out of the park with coca-cola, huh?

going back through my sluttiest photos to gather data for my dermatologist

Maybe he was mad because he wasn’t getting full credit as a pedophile

No way he can do this for another three years lmao

Ok but the LEGO Game Boy is only $60 which is such a very small amount of this unexpected check………………

Got a rather large unexpected check and being soooo responsible and not spending it all on LEGO or other things I simply want

We often talk about Chick-fil-A for stuff at work and it really does feel like a kind of loss how popular they remain…

still feels crazy that they allow me to approve expense reports

people keep saying “Dilbert” died and I’m like omg that was the name of the mad scientist, not the monster. Read a book

[Exit Bastard.]

Hahaha People Mag comes out blasting

ah yes, simply known for poking fun at bosses!

rip dilbert’s dad hope you get a fun pointy tie in hell

Oh this stupid nazi fuck

Would love if there was some way to know how many times I went to where the app used to be and tried to open it…

And, the word of the day is now "perfidy." www.nytimes.com/2026/01/12/u...

This being posted on LinkedIn………we are so cooked

Shawarma place gave me extra sauce for free and then found $23 in cash on the walk home

From a good friend in Minneapolis: "Target is allowing ICE to stage in their parking lots, use their restrooms, and abduct people from inside their stores - so if you weren’t boycotting already, now is the time." They were staging in Chicago as well.

Ohhhh my god friend nudes are hotter to you than porn? Should we tell everyone? Should we throw a party? Should we invite Chris, Matt, and Kevin?

deleted scruff from my phone, no more infinite void if hot guys and deep sadness for me!

maybe don’t phrase it like that…?

hey do any big guys wanna come lie on top of me for a couple hours or so??