Prepare yourself…

Bad news: my friend Emma is trying to kill me.

You wrote a novel using AI? Cool. It's like that time I ran a marathon using a Ford Focus.

this is the most meta thing i've ever seen

Anyway, the new place is lovely.

Working on my new dating profile…

Going to get married *just* so I can put this on top of the wedding cake.

Ah, the song of a robin. A beguiling silvery ribbon of sound, loosely translated as “TAKE ONE STEP CLOSER AND I’LL BREAK YER FUCKEN ARM”

forgot the most important of the genre

the level of pent-up horniness for a rocket launch that doesn't benefit or involve elon musk exceeds even my high expectations

Just watched Artemis II launch. Wow. The wonders man can achieve, eh? Meanwhile, I put my kettle in the fridge this morning.

Oh so now copyright matters.

Reform UK’s Simon Dudley says post-Grenfell safety rules go too far - 'everyone dies in the end' and safety regulation is choking housebuilding 🔴 @vickyspratt.bsky.social reports Read more: trib.al/3kh8lvT

Tom’s career has slumped. Makes me sad. #ShowMeTheMuggy

Bought this BEAUTIFUL vase today. The plastic flowers came with it. They’re stuck inside. Some magic foam keeping them from budging. I go in with boiling water and a knife, right? #ChazzerQueen

Police - with dogs - are outside my bedroom window! Metal staircase on side of building and, 30 mins ago, I heard someone climbing it. Then, 10 mins later, heard dogs, police & their radio thingies. Want to pretend they’re not here & go b-byes — but what if they knock on the window/try to get in?

I have no time for shy pistachios. Come out of your shell, FFS!

I spent yesterday evening in A&E. (I’m fine, apparently.) Some guy next to me in the waiting room said “excuse me are you Rhodri Marsden” and I was about to say “yes! would you like an autograph, I am exceedingly famous” when he said “that nurse over there has been calling you for ages”

My new Feeld profile. #TreatThemMean

I call this one ‘Birds and Erections’. #Hove

I still love you I still think about you I still care about you but above all. You are my closest friend and that is the most important point. See you Sat.

Keep it down, please.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Er, thanks for the comma?

Tonight launching my friend @philippeauclair.bsky.social’s brilliant book ‘The Mbappe Project’ - not a biography but a study on the impact and legacy of a uniquely “curated” career

Happy ALCS Day to any writers who publish in U.K. printed journals or who've published a book in the UK (i.e. anything with an ISSN or ISBN)! And if you fall into that category of writers but don't know what I mean, google ALCS and sign up for next year's payout. You're missing out on free cash...!

Me and my nasty/fabulous life are in @the-independent.com today. Prepare to fall even more in love with your Dame. #life #60isthenew60 #thefinalthird

Weird erections. #Hove

Saw your boyfriend in Hobbycraft

I was having profound conversations with Farage - looking deep into his eyes - and then we started flirting... I thought him charming. #MyDreamLastNight

What would BIBBI smell of? Hope, buses and Maltesers.

Had such a beautiful Soho day. Am now white wine and martini drunk on a train to somewhere. Pray for me.

Cough and sneeze at the same time.

Caroline still has double vision after her accident.

The formatting of this Beckett quote does still represent resilience and determination, just of a very different sort.

My mum’s dead and I don’t have children — but I *have* just deleted Bumble, so please do celebrate with me. #mothersday

My mum would have been 78 today. #BibiLynch #TheOG ❤️💔❤️

I don’t think you’re ready for tonight’s #ButtonSoup…

@andylewis.bsky.social Hey. Can I get your email, please?

Finally!

Hang on… Am I their new manager? #Spurs

Happy Burfdee to the most excellent Dame @bibilynch.bsky.social Hope you have ffffabulous day!! 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

APPY BIRFDAY to the cockerney wrestler, you Dame @bibilynch.bsky.social 🤍

Dear Alan, You owe me £3.

Break a leg satirers!

This is the last prescription I’ll ever pay for. 🤯👵🏼

The Crush just mocked my bowls.

I don’t know, there’s just something so wholesome about a full fruit bowl. #selfcare

I miss Elvis. #OneForTheKidz