I do this at least once a week. For what it’s Worth. #OneForTheKidz

NN, losers x

Immigrants and drag queens.

So tomorrow night is the Full Moon in Leo (Leo is my Moon sign) and Feb. 17th marks the start of the Year of the Fire Horse — the year I was born. This has to mean beautiful beautiful changes, right? ✨⭐️💫

Seeing my therapist on Monday. First time in almost a year. Anything you’d like me to ask him for you?

@ me. #buttonsoup

Looking forward to recording a live episode of The Breakup Monologues at Black Box Belfast with special guest Emer Maguire 🎟️ cqaf.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/... 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️ 🎧 📻 🎤 Other friends to look out for at the venue in Jan include @robinince.bsky.social and @halcruttenden.bsky.social

Brian is live-posting from a screening of "Melania". To be read from the beginning.

A line from Sophie Gilbert's review of the new Melania movie. "Melania shows off her custom-made inauguration gown, stark white with black ribbons overlaying it, a dress that now looks unavoidably like the redacted Epstein files." www.theatlantic.com/culture/2026...

Dame Bibi’s birthday came early! (March 4th. Do not forget.) Thank you, @lovehoneyofficial.bsky.social! Excited to read/talk about the Trends Report. Watch this space... #TwentyTwentySex #TheYearOfPleasure

Macaulay Culkin pays tribute to his on-screen mother Catherine O’Hara: “Mama. I thought we had time. I wanted more. I wanted to sit in a chair next to you. I heard you. But I had so much to say. I love you. I'll see you later.”

Been looking up other wedding speech services to check out the “opposition”. I’m good value for money, so it would seem.

NN, losers. X

Might go back on Bumble.

She’s back! #ButtonSoup

Suella Braverman is teaming up with Farage to bring Trump-style chaos to Britain.

Everything is terrible. It’s the perfect time to write comedy. Join my three-hour ONLINE workshop “How to Succeed as a Comedy Writer” on Saturday 14th February, 10am to 1pm. Book now, while comedy is still funny! www.euroscript.co.uk/2026-how-to-...

I just saw a guy on the phone in Tesco. He said 'OK... OK. Thanks for telling me.' He then put back into the fridge two bottles of champagne which he'd been about to buy. I'll be thinking about it for a while probably.

I’m 60 in March.

I’m going to ask for a ‘Jade’. (The haircut *not* cardi.) ❤️ #TheTraitors

Awful day yesterday. So first, all these assholes get on the wrong bus

What does Winona have on her rider?

Who’s asleep?

If you have used ChatGPT and even if you think it's okay it probably isn't. In my job I'm getting asked to read "heartfelt tributes" that someone* has written. Every fucking one is clunky as fuck & never sounds heartfelt. Using Matt to sort it out is an excellent use of your time and money

John Boorman is 93. This anecdote about him & Lee Marvin has quite the punchline.

I am sick of screaming.

Excuse writing - but if you could buy drinks at these ridiculous prices - you'd have difficulty too.

I dreamt a joke last night. This is it. ‘Is bread funny?’ ‘Well it’s definitely deadpain.’ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m so alone.

I dreamt a joke last night. This is it. ‘Is bread funny?’ ‘Well it’s definitely deadpain.’

In 2012 I wrote a feature for the Guardian - about my childless grief - that hit. Like, really hit. Huge UK and international coverage — plus Cambridge bought the piece for their AS level curriculum.

"And we now have María on the line who would like to swap a Nobel Peace Prize for the presidency of Venezuela..."

I was very annoyed at not winning the big penis prize (due to my penis size being rejected by the judges for some reason) but now the big penis prize winner has given me the big penis prize so now everyone knows I have the big penis.

The Apple of Love has predicted ‘DD’ as my husband’s initials. So far, suggestions include: David Dickinson, David Duchovny and Danny DeVito.

I fear this is down to me.

I'm a subscriber and it's totally worth it to access all that rarer Wrongtom goodness.

❤️‍🔥Tory sources confirm that Nadhim Zahawi made approaches to senior members of Kemi Badenoch's team about getting a peerage just weeks before defecting to Reform UK - but was turned down.

Don't think of yourself as feebly mortal, think of yourself as a limited edition. Na night.

I can’t stop thinking about a rejection letter a friend had from a publisher for his manuscript which said, “I think I’d have really liked this, if you were more famous.” An actual person, who is paid to read books, said that.

I'm so sorry to have to disappoint you but I've been unable to gain any information for you.

Last night, the sound of a dog barking *from inside my head* woke me up. Went back to sleep; happened again. Twice. Is this it? How I’ll go? Seems a little ruff.

I love you, King Kev.

Trump is having quite the year.

In every sentence, we should replace "Grok" with "Elon Musk". Because that's him, that's his work and his will.

One example of how Grok is being used to target women. Swedish Deputy Prime Minister Ebba Busch being sexualised, degraded, and humiliated step-by-step by Grok. All the images accurately reflect the prompts provided.

This is Herschel. She spent 15 minutes at the gym before deciding to switch her New Year's resolution to self acceptance. 12/10 (IG: cfsbk)

NN, losers. Xx