so that's why I'm a *****, a ****, and an *** (I exclusively eat asterisks)

Ever been so disillusioned by how a site treats its users that you share a post about a project you started, and a month later it has become a grassroots effort to reshape what it means to be a social media platform?

The Department of War is going to spend $1 billion making sure every general’s phone is set to military time instead of the “12-hour cuck clock”

keep those open, what a lovely day! #curtain #pixelart #pixel_dailies @pixeldailies.bsky.social

DISSOCIATION? IN MY CAPITALISM? OUTRAGEOUS!

Fuck Mary, Kill Jesus - God

Stephen Miller Declares Leftist Memes With More Likes Than His Memes Terrorism

“But at least we know these simulations of women are virgins!” —Weird right-wing dudes, already “We’ll put certifications of their hymens’ integrity on the blockchain for you to inspect!” —Weird tech bros, inevitably

A "Never Fucked Token", an NFT, if you will

Seeds and Berries in Las Vegas - by Gatherer S. Thompson

The incomparable @graehall.bsky.social made a bunch.

I thought I'd bought high end peanuts on special yesterday but it turns out they're high end mixed nuts, yay! So I have a nice big bowl of brazil nuts, walnuts, peanuts, cashews, & almonds, a bottle of red, & S07 Scrubs to rewatch on a cool Saturday night with my cat Everything's coming up Milhouse

Sure I'll take a lot of depressing jobs just to get by, but being the crime scene tech who has to sketch around dead bodies is where I draw the line

I'm still not sure what this waffle thing is about with the CEO of bluesky, so I'm going to google "blue waffle" to see what's up

Aura Farmers Struggling After Being Hit by Trump’s Tariffs

I kinda feel sad for the word "denominator" because in general it rarely gets said without the word "common", whereas "common" gets said all the time and it doesn't need "denominator" at all. I just hope "common" doesn't tease "denominator" about it #ShowerThoughts

What sort of wardens do they hire to run marshmallow chicken jails? Silent ones, because they never let out a peep

The difference between a working class kidnapper and an Epstein List trafficker is one has a plain white van, the other has a private white plane

Call me Tom of Finland the way I am drawing the same Leather Daddy over and over again.

For one of the upcoming Star Wars shows George Lucas has released a limited edition dip to have with your chips while watching, it's called Skywalker Ranch

I don't know why exactly but groceries feel more like groceries when they come in a big brown paper bag rather than crinkly white plastic

renames the department of defence the department of war, declares war on his own country, demands a peace prize, smh my damn head

[Trying to comfort an English teacher who's having a breakdown] Me: Their they're Teacher: *shrieks*

[the Medbed having just done something wrong and hiding from its parents] Medbed's mother: MEDICAL BEDICAL YOU GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!

I think the worst part of being a sheeple would be nobody ever letting you sleep

Dale from King of the Hill, after transitioning: No pockets sand 🙁

you can not convince me these weren't invented by a foot fetishest who got caught early in the morning by their fellow bakers then scrambled for an explanation and the best they could manage was "uhhhh, they're bearclaws! And... that's icing, yeah, they're bearclaws with icing!"

crazy how a small hit of speed is called a bump but a speedbump has nothing to do with drugs

Contrary to popular belief, there is no evidence in the fossil record that the Tyrannosaurus Rex jumped over cacti, nor was it immediately killed by simply touching one - sorry Google Chrome: Offline Mode

*hits blunt* the reason they call it your cell number is because these days, we're all prisoners of our phones maaan

Nepobaby is actually short for Nepotistic Babylon, as there was a culture of clueless nepotism so damaging in the area you simply couldn’t trust any of the merchants to be competent in their duties. It was particularly bad in the copper industry where low grade copper was commonly sold as high grade

Man, if only Jack Smith had some power he could have used to stop a lot of this, but Jack Smith was always powerless and never had the opportunity to stop any of this. What a shame.

Guess who has 3 thumbs and just replied to your question with dangerously inaccurate information This AI

MAGA is now Make Argentina Great Again, thank you for your $20 billion and attention to this matter - Donald Trump

Know what, fuck you Donald Trump, I'm releasing Autism 2.0.

"The Epstein List causes autism and that is why we can't release it" - Trump Administration

l a e r s t' i t i h s oh

Fundamentalists: Devastated they weren't raptured Rest of society: Devastated the fundamentalists are still here

Worst guy you know, pausing his podcast: It's society's fault that I'm single!

Monitor Lizard

spread harmless chaos by convincing people Minecraft is the sequel to Minesweeper

Who knew respectfully mourning Charlie Kirk involved so many on stage fireworks

"I hate to break it to you but..." - person who is absolutely loving breaking it to you

The first episode of Scrubs came out 24 years ago

After realising I've been doing pretty good lately I just quietly said to myself "I haven't had a panic attack in a while..." What did I just foolishly unleash

Chuck Schumer makes Neville Chamberlain look like John Wick.

A jet I was on was forced to land shortly after take-off due to a bird strike Which was a surprise to me because I didn't even know birds had unions

I am so cozy rn that were I a gov department I'd be the eepy-a