I think that's called a knockout

he was so real for this

Handpainted taco stand, Gage Park, Chicago

i rewired my neural pathways to give me extreme pleasure when i am set on fire

low key funny as hell how many Christian parents who wouldn't let their kids read these books because of witchcraft became grandparents buying these books for their grandkids because the writer hates the same people they hate

Psst, hey kid, you ever see 28 turtles sunning on a log?

Now what am I gonna talk to my therapist about tonight lol

SATURN, after devouring his son: that wasn’t very tasty but i can toddlerate it

Tonight I will: Drink [Bad] Drink [Good] <

Maybe now my fuckin' personality can come back and I'll stop torturing myself about my body as a coping mechanism.

Model: Mobile Shrine: Walking Amaterasu (base + mecha ver.) Debut: Shaman King: Flowers Year: 2012 Designer: Hiroyuki Takei

He had, like, zero criticisms. I am legitimately so relieved. Also I get my bonus Monday, though the raise doesn't go through until the end of April.

Better than I expected! Not exactly "tons of money" better but "my boss thinks I've really improved and thinks I did great this year". I also asked him what it'd take to get promoted next year, so I've planted that seed.

Ten minutes. Gonna puke

It fucking sucks how the modern reactionary movement is based in the politics of 1950 but the aesthetics of 2012. Commit to one

Annual review in 30 minutes. In an hour this weight I've been carrying for weeks will be gone, either because it's been lifted or because it's crushed me. Realistically the outcomes here are "I might actually be able to improve my life" or "Continue the very gradual slide to ruin".

yeah im bummed about sora. bummed i sora bunch of stupid fake videos

god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. except, a lot of the time, a severe lack of strength is part of what makes the battle tough. so, yknow. 🤷

I've hit my weight goal but I look gross. I really gotta start working on my abs.

The sound of one pant crapping

Tomodachi Life has no filter in it btw

⚙️

When twitter was perceived as liberal it was a bubble and people should not take it seriously. But now that it's a cesspool of right-wing propaganda it's the Soul of America and the libs ignore it at their peril

Manufacturing Mcomfort pickleballs.

mayors are a type of a guy who is so bad at getting drugs that they have to take office

kill them with kindness but kill them nonetheless

At chili’s

Me n my midwit clique be grunting hella vivaciously in the produce aisle

Good morning to everyone except the assholes making things worse for people who are just trying to live

If youre ever feeling low just think of all the things you can do that Goku can't. Balance a spreadsheet. Raise a child. Drive a car. In many ways, you're stronger than Goku.

Want to feel old? All the teenagers who used to email Rockstar Games asking why you can't shoot dogs in Grand Theft Auto now work for the federal government

I think that if you're a parent and you want your child to experience a world of wizards and magic, you should get them into heavy metal

dried mango is the closest you can legally come to chewing on a man’s ear

The movie Crank but it's called Wank and it's about a guy who dies if he stops beating off

you gotta separate the art (McRib) from the artist (the body of Ronald McDonald)

[0004808] Faithful and casual worshiper of the same god

consider your hopes and dreams acknowledged and fulfilled you little freak

sign: "trout haven, 1/2 million caught," black hills, south dakota, 1980

bad responses to "I love you": - are you sure? you don't have to - mhmm! - that doesn't seem healthy - aww. - <borat voice> my wife

DOCTOR: What these results show is that you've never experienced insight, reflection, or interiority in your entire life. You can have no deeper thoughts than recognizing whatever you are looking at in any moment, or survival instincts like hunger for food. You are like a lizard, or a frog. ME: Woow

this is the mini project i used to teach myself multi filament printing (thanks @jjco.bsky.social for the help when I got stuck) it’s a desk fan that fights fascists over europe!

My friend Jeremy just told me in detail about his “uncle nephew band” which he calls “the uncle nephew constellation” and the text he recently received from his uncle. No further comment at this time

"Gee Snot, I don't know if this is what my dad meant when he said chicks dig a guy in uniform." "Well if you can think of a better way to meet single Latina MILFs I'd love to hear it!"

🪓 bodyguard 🪓