I wish the Chinese takeout place that's a five-minute walk away didn't fuckin' blow

I’m sorry but “everyone is going to use AI to code their own apps” sounds like “everyone is going to learn HTML and code their own websites.“ like … have you met people? no they’re not

This might have my favorite Genius annotation.

How I feel being the point of contact for a project I know nothing about

Oh my God do NOT scream at ME because YOU'RE technologically illiterate and don't know the DIFFERENCE between two environments and that YOUR password manager is the issue because YOU don't know how to USE it Mother of God.

Alexa, play my cringe-ass nightcore playlist. Alexa put down the gun

guy who thinks the phrase is hooby instead of hoo boy: hooby

it’s finally friday

Strong Bad after December 2010

If I were dilberts boss, I would have physically abused him

Teaching my ugly son Pig Boy about geology (pelting him with gravel and stones)

*scientists frantically calculating the exact speed you need to jog through a museum in order to cheat death*

Oh fuck off Sykes, I'm gonna primary you myself in two years if I have to.

I will never stop talking about this: The lovely and profound "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" is from an NYT article about the author accidentally being CC'd on an email where his friends were making fun of him for renting goats.

That’s all lingerie if you’re not a coward

9pm: yawning 2:12am: time to become a scholar on uncontacted tribes

I graduated with honors with a BA in English in 2009 and only just realized last year that "Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening" is about suicidal ideation.

saboteurs, in an undercover operation, you must be bimbomaxxing at all times

my kingdom for a 24/7 distributed on-message lib-left propaganda apparatus that could make "the streamer who goes around calling people the n-word in the hopes they hit him so he can shoot them" the face of the republican party

I'm not the bigger man, I'm just a coward who's afraid to start shit

I think Jaws is nice and just needs a girlfriend and a nicer employer

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS TO SHARE EXCEPT EUROPA - DON'T LAND THERE! BURMA SHAVE

this video fucking kills me

Me at the fursuit sex party: (muffled) are you mad at me

AUGH

Tacobell gives me species euphoria, possums love tacobell

I’m going to make the Dwarf Fortress of snail farming and you’re going to have to turn it up to 10000x speed if you want anything to happen.

I don't know. I feel like Walmart's got the vibes right with its America Memorial Plates.

(to the tune of Cat Scratch Fever* stove top stuffing

Full leg tattoos of Chozo statues each holding up one nut

My parents introducing me to their friends:

I'll drink a lava lamp for $20k

[0000907] Pools of human blood show up as "piles of vomit"

My memory of what it was like to browse the Xbox Live Indie Games store page in 2010

windowed fullscreen kicks the dogshit out of plain old fullscreen. in 2026, we shouldn't even be having this discourse

Can't believe I haven't hit my fuckin' deductible

Every time I open Bluesky,

I spelled camel wrong