Forcefem with Koopa the Quick

Accept That Peach is Gone and Make Luigi the New Princess

Yoshi Commits Nothing in Particular Actually

Touch Booby Get Dizzy

Drown in 6 Inches of Water

By Collecting This Star, You Are No Better Than Bowser

Snowman's Freakishly Big Gross Disgusting Head But Don't Tell Him I Said That

Wall Kicks Won't Work, Why Would You Even Bring That Up

Break the News! The Stars Have Been Dangerously Radioactive This Entire Time

The Ownbrand Star That You Only Need 6 Red Coins For But Just Doesn't Quite Hit the Same

A Cap For Transforming Into Yoshi But it's Just a Lump of Green Skin

Find the 7 Koopa Hotels

Wario's Genuine Moment of Emotional Vulnerability

Big Bob-omb on the Ground Next to the Summit Because He Has a Bad Hip and Needs to be Careful

These Red Coins Look a Lot Like Pages and I Don't Remember King Bob-omb Being so Tall and White

Rig Bowser's Bracket

Get the Butter! Wario's Stuck in the Painting Again

Release a Second Remake of Mario 64 so People Chat Shit About That One Instead

Find the 8 Red Coins, Your Car Keys, and a Bottle of Jack Daniel's

Restrict Bowser's Breathing

Mistakes Into Miracles

How About We Discuss the Details of This Star... Over Dinner?

Watch for Rickrolling Rocks

Watch the Big Game With the Boys

Catch Luigi Trying to Jump Into NSFW Art

Find the 8 Red Coins, the 5 Orange Coins, the 12 Pink Coi- fuck man you really need to talk to Bowser about this cause this is just some stupid shit now

Finally, The Forwards Short Jump

Wear Another Character's Cap and Get Into Unstable Situationships With Every Toad in the Castle

The Gas Station Bathroom Star

The 8 Red Coins Will Find You, Run.

Attempt to Backwards Long Jump Just to Feel Something

A Star Locked Behind Several Unnecessary Sex Scenes

Wait Hundreds of Years Until King Whomp Succumbs to Erosion

We Replaced the Map on the Touch Screen With Compressed Family Guy Clips so You'll Stay Engaged the Whole Game

Jump Back Out of Tick-Tock Clock to Control Time in the Real World

Good Luck! This Star is in a Small Village Somewhere in Thailand That None of the Paintings Send You To

Powerscale the Mountain

Wait if Peach is Royalty How Come She Didn't Intervene in the War She Had a Literal Teleport to in Her Castle

Dude King Bob-omb's Wife is in Hospital and You Just Wanna Collect His Star What the Fuck is Your Problem

Find the Nice Spot and Have a Little Nap

Wario Might Be Pretty Bad But He Owns a Pair of Sneakers That Light Up When He Walks So You Should Play as Him More

Instead of a Star... You Have to Find Boobies. Frick. Yes.

Uhhhh, He's Right Behind Chain Chomp's Gate, Isn't He?

You Already Unlocked Waluigi, He Was in a Maximum Security Cell and has Been Doing Horrific Shit While You Were Playing With Coins and Stars

Spike Your DS Into the Ground Right Now

Luigi Found the Second Group Chat Where You've all Been Chatting Mad Shit About Him

Wait What Do You Mean Mario Vanished When You Touched Him and the Red Coin Sound Played

Peach's Manifesto! Maybe We Should Let Bowser Do His Thing Actually

Put a Silver Star Next to a Power Star to Give it Dysphoria

Trade Wario in for 3 Dollars and Whatever