You either die recruiting Carl Reiner at a sporting event or you live long enough to become Carl Reiner at a sporting event

The way I've gotten this across in talks to US audiences is to explain that by the time the Battle of Gettysburg was fought... ...the London Underground had already been open for six months.

Pickles please

imagining a grizzled hardboiled detective saying this while gripping some guy's lapels at a shady bar

Carrot found a bit of tissue in the garbage can and very helpfully let me know by trying to eat it and then spitting it out on my leg

It's pride month and no one has admitted to having a crush on me. Y'all better hurry up before I do something stupid like redownload dating apps

Pickles is ready for an adventure

Sports Commentary xkcd.com/3262/

How many people have belonged to a niche craft forum in the early internet days who had someone fake their own death? 🙋‍♀️

For we are all killers, on land and on sea; Bonapartes and Sharks included.

Carly Rae Jepsen announces new reason to stay alive!!

TFW you have to be gay because the other option is catching the 6 train

If Waffle House doesn’t make this their new slogan, then capitalism has failed

america is an ideal worth fighting for

"we have to allow them to practice their culture as much as they want to" oh so the vuvuzela is fine but the americans can't tailgate????? crimes.

i like that Paul Simon gets big cocky with his theory that there's 50 ways to leave your lover, and then when pressed for answers he's only got like six and one of them is just "get on the bus"

Five Summer Outfits That Will Make You Look Like A Sexy Little Reflecting Pool

okay but what if a 10-year-old thinks moby dick is better than middlemarch, what then. where are they supposed to go

I am simply going to walk into the creek.

thinking, as I sometimes do, about this quote about Adam Schlesinger

Carrot says happy pride

We often use ten-dollar words so our 3yo doesn’t know what we’re talking about in front of her, but the comprehension treadmill results in this tiny toddler running around being like “Mama I need to deaccession my popsicle wrapper”

Last image from tonight (short film in the morning): this brother out here with his Singer sewing machine, gifting people a custom embroidery on their jerseys and hats with the name and the date, was more artistic than anything at Burning Man and ad gorgeous as a Caravaggio. Magic! Goodnight.

Guy at the pyramids called after me “sir!” No response “maam!” No response, after a few seconds he tries again “cousin!” I think we’ve cracked it. There is a gender neutral honorific.

You guys want some butter

We made it

My back and hip are acting up and I have to spend the day at my non ergonomic desk in my non ergonomic chair?? Listening to construction instead of drinking a beer on a patio???

For all would-be SpaceX investors, reading "A City on Mars" is a strong recommend. Very funny on the many ways space is terrible, uneconomic, and the decades/centuries of (boring, non-phallic rocket related) research needed to make settlement even a vaguely realistic proposition.

happy pride

"No, Liz, it's not Evan Almighty. It's Ethan Almighty, a movie about a rescue dog. Kelsey Grammer plays the Governor of Kentucky. I'm the voice of the dog."

Please Use AI

Wake up y’all new structure ambiguity exercise just dropped. #linguistics

The USA is doing sportswashing all wrong. The idea is you do a Russia or a Qatar and welcome everyone in, trying to appear super-cute so that people stop thinking about your appalling human rights violations and corruption. You're not meant to shine a light on it. Stupid country.

remembered that i have 24/7 access to the pottery studio now, taking the afternoon off, mad with power

Planetary Science xkcd.com/3255/

gems from the museum gift shop that i wanna put in my mouth

my favorite genre of tiktok right now is europeans apologizing to americans for telling us we were wrong about the heat being worse here

This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like

(A) incredible and (B) an excuse to post this

I miss you, dry Colorado heat

6 guys doing the work of 2? Just guys being dudes

They should invent an antidepressant that doesn’t make you sweaty

"the hair is a part of the head". Great analysis happening tonight

do you even read, bro

She’s the 10 year old laptop in space. She’s beloved, she’s used constantly and if she ever breaks it will be devastating because we definitely aren’t in the situation where we can replace it.