Increasingly buying into the conspiracy theory that when they switch on CERN it did indeed move us into an insane reality: An MP is choosing to contest his seat with a bin & right now America is unsure whether one of its most senior politicians is alive or dead.

IN THE BIN

The question for Nigel Farage now is whether it's less embarrassing to un-resign and claim that was an establishment stitchup, or to spend a month competing with a bin. Neither is exactly a *great* option. Neither solves his ongoing scandals. And it's a mess entirely of his own making.

All we need now is for the media to refuse to play this silly game.

Fair play this is funny.

He’s just going to say: “My Public Life is none of your business”, and give everyone the finger.

#OTD #RedDevils #Belgium🇧🇪

You won't see this on the BBC: www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Turns out I have a fairly serious heart condition. Any not to miss suggestions for the next few years? (Nothing too strenuous)

You're all just chucking names about now

I have no idea what most of you lot are talking about tonight. But hey, have fun.

The Sunday Times today if you please. Thanks to all who purchased and especially for knocking Clarkson off the top spot. 🚜💥🥊 ♥️📚

🧵I’d rather spend my weekends doing something else than post about Nigel Farage’s murky finances, but his behaviour poses such a threat to our democratic norms that I wanted to flag a number of points in the public interest.

I'm writing about charlatans, and frauds, and there are none bigger than the fraudulent charlatan Andrew Wakefield. But goddamn look at Anderson Cooper go here. What a legend. www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6kO...

The scrote who trashed my (parked) car has been convicted of: - Dangerous driving - Driving without a license - Use of motor vehicle without insurance - Possession of a class C drug - Receiving stolen goods - Assault by beating of an emergency worker. Sounds like a nice lad.

Hey Bayeux Tapestry fans have I made the platform game for you? I’m sure someone else will have done this before but well now I have too… bayeuxgo.live

I have added a power up if you drink from the Meade horn… bayeuxgo.live

Stanford scientists just solved one of the biggest problems with human aging. They found a way to regrow joint cartilage. They blocked an aging-linked protein called 15-PGDH, and the results were massive. Old, worn cartilage began to grow back in older mice.

I’ve just made a slow cooked casserole in the air fryer. Now to try crispy chips in the slow cooker.

Hydration break

I’d like this photo a lot more if it turned out it was taken by Donald Trump from the boot of a car.

🤣

I think quite often about the 2019 Labour manifesto promise to create 10 new parks and plant 2 billion new trees and how the vast majority of the media sneered themselves inside out at the notion. I’ve especially been thinking about it this summer as we slowly boil.

some amazing things happening over on threads — ever since they “shut down CERN”

This

This was exhausting (everyone involved is getting on a bit) but absolutely wonderful. The happy couple were on great form and thoroughly enjoyed it. Yer man organised a card from the King and a certificate from the pope! He’s a keeper! Perhaps we’ll make it too.

Another stupid Mahmood idea - getting “trained” members of the public to decide asylum cases - is ripped to shreds here by someone who knows what they’re talking about… Politicians have truly lost their minds on immigration. It’s making us a very wretched and angry place.

We are Up North to celebrate my partner’s parents’ Platinum Wedding Anniversary. 70 years! Blimey

Bluesky seems to have discovered a sense of humour. I might be tempted to cone back and see how it goes.

JOKER: Not so fast, Bat-JERK! My LAUGHBangs will leave you BLIND as a BAT! BLUESKY BATMAN: Oof. Many people suffer from reduced vision. Not funny. JOKER: It's like, it's a pun. It's just wordplay. BLUESKY BATMAN: Sorry if I'm not in the mood for "jokes" while SCOTUS shreds our constitutional rights

Let's take a look at this claim as "revealed" by the Daily Mail. TLDR - It's taken them a reeeeeally long time to "reveal" this law 😜 So what's the reality behind this headline? 🧵 1/23

I've decided to compile a definitive thread of photos of the best sheep I've photographed during my walks in the countryside, together with supporting biographical information. I will put the vital story associated with each sheep in the alt text, since some of it is a little long to fit in a post.

The England football team is rooted in immigration. Whether it succeeds or fails at this World Cup, it’s a great example of the brilliance of multiculturalism in the UK.

We are between two journeys and have left Bungle in her holiday hotel till we’re properly back. We haven’t been without a cat in the house for around 35 years. It’s weird!

Anyone else detest their next door neighbour?

We’ve had a hydration break by mistake…

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz355bs

Comedy doesn't age as badly as this does.

HEATWAVE ALERT: If you leave children in your car on a very hot day please ensure a window is open so they can at least have a cigarette.

Geography teachers go out at night and dig oxbow lakes

some of the 2024 intake are impressive & there are some really strong ministers just below cabinet level, so hopefully some promotions. It's mostly i think that post2015 infighting plus a 2019 election wipeout really hit that middle generation of talent.

Wait.. who names their kid after a Deliveroo bag? www.msn.com/en-gb/news/n...

"Nobody ever helps me in this house"

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

How to stay cool in a heatwave: advice from a mushroom 1. Lurk in the dark 2. Avoid direct sunlight 3. Avoid indirect sunlight 4. Okay just avoid all sunlight 5. Remember the lurking

Good use here by a local authority of its power to apply for injunctions. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2026...

op-ed with author photo

Broadcasters: i am available to talk about the type of train Andy Burnham is on. i can do it for upward of two hours if you need someone to narrate over your helicopter footage.