Me after every present from me is opened: oh and this piece of shit is completely returnable if you hate me

I know everyone goes on about how Twitter has become a nazi watering hole, but they’re all aging groyper losers clinging to rapidly cringey memespeak. Or bots. The actual worst comments section is TikTok hands down

I need to make a movie called RGO so it can complete the FARGO -> ARGO -> GO -> O saga. But nobody wants to read my script about Reduced Graphene Oxide

“Download at Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts” well I get them from the hole in Rose Byrne’s ceiling in If I Had Legs I’d Kick You. So now what

Was not expecting this blatant xenophobia on my tv first thing in the morning...

I was in school for film writing, but was so bad that my shit was laughed at constantly, and then one semester I took film editing for writers and was laughing at the rest of their efforts. Cruel mockery, as always, lights the soul to its true path

Wicked Part 2, or as I like to call it, Oh Maybe That’s Why Avenue Q Won at the Tonys

My ancient scrolls are still relevant in modern times, it seems

The Oscar race for Best Non-Actor, Just Actual Evil Guy is heating up

Somewhere out there someone who’s the best at what they do is terrified that they have imposter syndrome while a bunch of barely literate pedophiles are very calmly running the world

I've built a socioeconomic system that depends on everyone to do useful work and act ethically except the people at the top, who get unimaginable rewards for being antisocial frauds and criminals. And I think it will stand the test of time

Almost every major news story this week is about how the entire economy is now gambling, scams, bribes and theft.

I am so far past this and out of the dating game that it means nothing to me - but as a 5’7” guy it is pretty eye-opening to see how much men’s height is pulled as a lever on social media content. Huge gateway for shorties into the manosphere

Shitting wet is now political. This is what the left takes from you

Extremely dumb gimmick account enabled me to briefly create a piece of art for Paul F. Tompkins

Wife-acquiring

I say this with love, some of you are going to lose your life savings to a man who says you have parking tickets that can only be paid in Target gift cards

Is the irony of the president’s friend buying something called “the free press” and immediately installing a government truth compliance officer lost on everybody?

feels like we're living through some kind of cultural gas leak

Rolling Stone reviewing the new Taylor Swift album

one of the weirder parts of this wave of total surrender of core civil liberties is there is no fucking reason for it. no world war 2, not even a 9/11. we're just bored and mad

I love hearing people’s takes on why ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER is bad, because no art is truly impeachable and all opinions are equally valid, unless you have a blue check on Twitter in which case haha eat my shit you fuckass

Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From

THE LONG WALK SPOILERS There’s a guy who shits himself, we see his full butthole while doing this, and then he gets shot in the head. He has no lines and I’ve never seen this actor before.

To the tune of “Owner of a Lonely Heart”:

man they really didn't give a shit about that guy. as soon as it was clear they couldn't use his death to launch a purge they started to treat it like a nothingburger

Most Eddington-coded part of the whole thing

dan bongino and kash patel lying unconscious on the ground after bonking their heads together as they both bent down to examine what is later determined to be their own footprints

Lose weight? Why, so I can shave and look like Dane DeHaan?

no offends if this is you but if you're thinking "this is going to make the right do fascism" they're already there. they blew up a boat with 11 people on it for being immigrants. they're kidnapping US citizens and trying to rendition them to Uganda. do you think we're on a trajectory to peace

Don't you all realize what this means? The right will begin a systematic and extralegal oppression of their political enemies and vulnerable populations. This is the first thing I saw on the news after waking up from a 25-year coma.

Look, I voted for the military takeover of cities, the extrajudicial imprisonment of made-up enemies, a return to a culturally brutal time for everyone I hate, and the total collapse of our economy. But this Epstein stuff is not remotely a crossed line. I love it. I'm 48% of the country btw

walk

Looking like he was visited by the ghost of Labor Day past and got the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of teamsters

Nope, too many jokes in a row about him being dead, now he’s got to be alive.

I think it’s cool that we made a machine that gives entire towns asthma so it can turn your uncle into the dad from Frailty

"please bro get two monitors, it improves your editing workflow i'm so serious please bro"

A movie I’ve always wanted to see: A real-time backstage drama a la Saturday Night, but counting down to the Atlanta premiere of Gone With the Wind. Read up on it to see why

EDDINGTON: as an editor I appreciated how shitty the crossfades were in Pedro Pascal's re-election ad

Dems should lean into sneering cosmopolitan elitism imo

An article about horror directors' mommy issues would have gone so hard in 2017 if they picked the right buzzword for it. Momsplaining? Manic Pixie Scream Girls? Oh well. Lost to time

With any luck

Happy M8/1 day! Celebrate with your favorite cosplay and quotes from the iconic film that started it all. #SaylesAdult #JustMatewanThings

Based on how old our parents looked in their 30s and how old we look in ours, I'm gonna say whatever the microplastics are doing is working

i debated 100 six-year-olds about whether or not im Mr. Stinky