POV: Your husband has returned from selling vacuums door-to-door, a job which pays him $400 billion a year, hence the nice suit

The libbing will continue until morale improves

Welcome new followers! That's right, every 50 of you earns a 5SF that we can never run on our other socials. Come see why!

Get ready for the most Bluesky 5SF we’ve ever made

Hedda is Dude Bro Party Massacre III for people who hated Dude Bro Party Massacre III

Power moves only

BRAINDEAD STUDIOS on Fairfax is hosting our last L.A. screening of DBPM3 for our 10th anniversary screening series! It’s tomorrow - so get tickets now! studios.wearebraindead.com/purchase/110...

🚨 AUSTIN TX, TONIGHT! 🚨 Dude Bro Party Massacre III w/ @pattonoswalt.bsky.social in person! 🎟️ TICKETS: hyperrealfilm.club/events/2025/... 🎟️

I think in these extremely tense political times, it's important to be fair and balanced. Since we pride ourselves on always having our finger on the pulse of tense cultural moments, it's only right that we release a 5SF about a Cool Lime next week

Now that we got over 500,000 followers on TikTok, I feel like our job is to confuse Gen Z right back. 67? That's the best you've got to confuse and irritate us, a number? Here's a folie a deux tale about a lemon in sunglasses www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1P6...

ah yes [mechanic pops hood to my brain] yeah see the problem right here, is that you find this shot insanely funny but no one else ever will

The good thing about our views going in total freefall over at TikTok is the rise of the bots with accidentally good jokes

Among the greatest promotional photos of all time are these for the 1990 television movie of IT, where it looks like a prestige legal drama about a firm of hot young lawyers and one associate who likes to dress up like a clown.

And if you go frame by frame you can see the exact moment his heart breaks

Well, one is exactly right about Dufresne's sudden beard, but now I wish the other one was right instead.

Come see us and Patton Oswalt next Friday, the unluckiest day of the year, at VIDIOTS! It's a cast and crew 10th anniversary screening of Dude Bro Party Massacre III!! vidiotsfoundation.org/purchase/262...

It's been 10 years since Motherface massacred the Delta Bi Dude Bros. LOS ANGELES: Are you ready for the college reunion? We are... vidiotsfoundation.org/movies/dude-...

When you try to make beer magically appear in your hands but realize you can never go back to the days you had those powers because the world has changed

Uh huh

Wow you’re doing a great job of filtering out the one tiktok comment we always get, as evidenced by the two right above

All-timer eye roll from @alecowen.bsky.social on this one

didn't accept it. fuck this shit

In three years, this dork is going to invent 5-Second Films. And then 20 years later, almost to the exact month, he’ll be writing about it here.

oh hey, 50 new followers. come on in quickly, you'll be late for class

Genuinely thought March Sadness would be a disaster for us on our two leading platforms, and instead we would up having one of our best-ever months (at least on TikTok...Instagram millennials were moderately lukewarm on the concept of being bummed out, which I get)

March Sadness ends with Jack Quaid this Monday. The countdown to the premiere begins here youtu.be/F83ZcWP_O5I?...

What if this isn't teasing Beast, and Doctor Doom is just laying siege to 1990s Seattle? #TossedSandmanAndScrambledKangs

March Sadness gets really really real, today. Hard to imagine it getting more real than this in fact

If we even did a March Gladness, what would fit? How many truly happy 5sfs did we make?

Gonna just start calling Dr Strangelove HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB. The “or” has been there this whole time and no one’s even given it a try

Here’s that mid-life crisis you ordered youtu.be/ploKgQuy6ug?...

Just shot a March Sadness about the excruciating and soul-deadening passage of time and honestly it’s a light one this month

2026: March Badness (our worst 5sfs go bracket-by-bracket) 2027: March Dadness (our most dad-joke 5sfs) 2028: The Event 2029: there isn’t anything after The Event 2030: like I said. The Event happened 2031: humanity begins repopulating 2032: March Cannibalness

Another 50 followers? Too many. Let's see what we can do about that

Finally. A goofery. A bit of a lark. A dash of whimsy

Probably not going to promote a 5sf that damn near warrants a trigger warning but thanks for the idea anyway TikTok

Our Patreon discord, after seeing tomorrow's bummer 5SF a day early

Just saying, if you want some happy 5SFs in March, we'll post new (old) ones here for every 50 followers. Think we're 13 away from the next one, which is an unlucky number, which makes me think of death, and oops we're back to March Sadness

#MarchSadness begins with a roaring start

[looks sheepishly at our far more reliable audience on Instagram]

look how they massacred my boy

sometimes our instagram thumbnails really sync up

Jack Quaid may be having some problems with his latest co-star www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaCy...

Every movie should be made specifically for me and/or be a Dude Bro Party Massacre sequel.

Who's ready to have a brutal Valentine's Day? www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zoK...

2025, don’t suck! Shit.

Where does DBPM3 fall on this graph, and before you say it's already there, the "blank white poster" design was scrapped in early stages

i did good job. i place an order

Damn well I guess we can just stop now huh

I think if more horror movies started off by characters asking this question, they'd end in 10 minutes