None of you can touch me today, I am invincible.

if i was a fly i would simply not land on a plant called a venus flytrap

If I described it to a police sketch artist, they’d pick you up in about 3 minutes.

Home made Tan Tan ramen. Ground pork, mushrooms, edamame, bok choy, ajitama egg, charred corn, pickled onions, chili crisp. My second attempt.

It’s very frustrating they require a lifetime subscription.

Me, all the time.

People on this site will really write anything and slap “historian” on their profile.

Treating stochastic predictions like deliberate expression collapses how the tech actually works.

The view from dinner tonight. Go do cool shit.

Hot moms in your area want to steal your air conditioner

i ran over gary sinise in my GMC yukon and dragged his body for almost six miles

I peed next to Sen. Al Franken at the Detroit airport.

About 2/3rds of the military voted for the person who pardoned him.

Oh you have time to get on LinkedIn but not give your poor mother a grandchild

i can’t help but be saddened each time i remember the waffle house is constructed of brick and tile

Bluesky I would like to block anyone under 26 years of age.

0-2 - Pretty good time most days 2-4 - Possibly purgatory, possibly fine 4-12 - Pretty good time most days 13-15 - Pure hate 16-18 - Pretty good time most days, unaware you exist

Departure, LGA with some flap action. Airbus A320.

I bet if I sexted with that asteroid I could make it come pretty fast

When two people have sex, its a twosome. When three people have sex, its a threesome. Now I know why people call you handsome

Lee is an incredibly talented artist and you should follow him.

Pedestrian bridge, Venice.

It’s the weekend so tidying up around the house (closing some browser tabs)

Fascinating article from ProPublica in this thread.

Judging you, again.

Is this good

Marvellous. Video just in from Nigel, a keen bird watcher, who spotted a very rare Crested Eagle today! He must have been absolutely thrilled to see such a majestic bird so close up. Super.

Northern Michigan winter. I love this barn.

At what age do you tell a highway it’s adopted

I feel attacked.

Show me your fog.

It’s starting to get cold out.

It really does just come down to this.

Northern Michigan tonight.

Good morning.

"Distinguished members of Congress, I look at you and I can't believe how unfuckable you all are. As a group and individually. Well maybe a couple exceptions. I hope you never cum again. I know some of you <points at a group of decrepit Senators> never will, and I'm glad."

Quietly judging all of you who did not get me a Christmas gift.

Circling back on this. I have been indicted.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: No Clown: Fuck the police

Considering getting into organized crime. Slowly easing into it. Starting off by removing the tags from my pillows.

Burning 1200 calories by leaving the pizza in the oven.

My memory foam mattress will often bring up old arguments we had in bed.

I asked my wife if we could role-play for a bit of spice in the bedroom. … She rolled a 1 on a 20-sided die. Anyway looks like it's leftovers and Netflix again.