Yesterday, when I saw what he wrote, I wondered if there has ever been a more classless [so-and-so] in the White House. This morning, I remember that LBJ used the toilet during meetings as some sort of power move, and Nixon so brittle. But I still doubt they'd have been so utterly crass.

Jimmy Lai, the media tycoon and brave defender of democracy in Hong Kong, has been found guilty of ‘foreign collusion’. His family expect he’ll die in jail. HK’s national security law, imposed by Beijing after huge pro-democracy protests, has claimed its most prominent victim.

Noël has one "L" and onesie has no "z"s. And we wonder why peeple can’t spellle anymor

Gold, Frankincense and Sensibility. Christmas in Jane Austen's house.

“I bring you fun” “I bring you sunshine” “I bring you love” The Three Morecambe and Wise Men.

It’s never not funny that most oaths are done this way. Any time anyone uses anything other than a Bible, folks freak out and say “No no no — it only counts if you use the book that forbids swearing oaths and says they come from the ‘evil one.’”

Proof that it is pronounced Pree-mark not Pry-mark and everyone in Great Britain is wrong.

Due to administrative snafu (which is likely my fault) I have run out of a certain medication and I have so much nervous energy that I feel a bit like my internal organs are trying to climb out through my eyes.

The amount of radio mics on the #LateLateToyShow must be an absolute nightmare. In fact, the whole production is very impressive

Stop bateing that panda round the head #LateLateToyShow

How can you give a peace prize to someone who believes his fellow human beings are "garbage"?

Just saw a world-famous drag artist wearing a red jumper, yellow, graph-check trousers and a yellow, graph-check scarf. It was RuPaul the Bear. No: I *am* funny, you just don't appreciate my sophisticated humour.

No, autocorrect, when I type hyperglycaemic, I don't mean hyperglycaemia. The A and C keys aren't close together, so the chances of me accidentally hitting a C instead of an A are remote. And it's a bad idea to annoy me when I'm hyperglycaemic.

Since my finger pricker (apparently that's the official term) broke, I have been pricking my fingers by driving lancets into them with my bare hands. Not any more. New prickers have arrived.

I am unreasonably proud of this joke which almost no-one will get.

...an excuse to trot out the Finest* Joke Of All Time Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing? A: Hyena Sharples (*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)

This morning Radio Ulster reported that the extraordinary general assembly of the Presbyterian Church may not happen this month after all because the hall has commercial bookings. At least 1 other PCI building has over 1000 seats. May I humbly suggest exploring that?

Everything I have ever read about Franklin D Roosevelt implied that the public knew nothing about his paralysis and journalists had a conspiracy of silence. But today I found a CBS broadcast from the day he died and the reporter mentioned leg braces and a wheelchair in a way that implied people knew

Cryptic crossword clue: Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)

Not convinced I want Twitter to show people which country I'm in. Remember "please rob me dot com"?

me: SOMEBODY STOP ME! them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'

The 1960s American sitcom "My Mother the Car" is to be updated and remade for a Northern Irish audience. They're calling it "Yer Ma's Yer Ka".

Last night as I was on my way home from another long day at work, an entitled, arrogant penis in a huge Bentley behind me repeatedly blasted his horn (not a euphemism) and flashed his lights because I stopped at a roundabout. If that’s the type of person having money makes you, I’m glad I’m skint.

The bad news is that I need 2 new tyres. The good news is that people are far nicer than I think they are. Several people stopped to ask if I was OK while I was waiting for the truck to take my car to the tyre shop. Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.

I don't want AI generated art, I want AI emptied dishwasher

Just back from the optometrist. All of the glasses were half-full & rose-tinted. I think I went to an optimist by mistake

Keir Starmer, you used to be a human rights lawyer, ffs. If that guy’s still in there somewhere, he needs to come out and stop this inhumane nonsense and stop it now.

I didn't expect to read *that*

The theme of today is very, very mild self-sabotage, because no one else is going to sabotage me

Today in my life as some sort of sitcom character, I have left the house with a glucometer (which is better than some days recently) but, unfathomably, I have no test strips. I am relying entirely on data from my Libre, which is sometimes accurate and sometimes really inaccurate. Wish me luck.

Aside from the negative human impacts, this whole package of policy announcements is going to make the system even more complicated than it is now. The longer the policy is in place, the more reviews the Home Office will need to do - in 15 years time there will be 15 years of reviews being done

It will also mean people's refugee status will be reviewed every 2 and half years. If this policy was in place now, that would mean the Home Office having at least another 67k decisions to process over the next year (the number of initial decision grants made between April 2023 and March 2024)

Listening to the news earlier and there was an item about the sudden closure of one of Ireland's oldest newspapers. The presenter asked "Is it a sign of the Times?" My brain immediately jumped to "No. It's a sign of the Down Recorder." I'm a jerk, sometimes.

Driving from Dublin to Belfast. Not tremendously impressed by being aggressively tailgated by the Irish Coastguard.

I imagine Sky buying ITV's broadcast business would be bad news for ITN. Join me again for more utterly uninsightful thoughts.

So far today, I've had three coffees and I'm on my second Pepsi. Another coffee, even if it tastes nice, would be a mistake, wouldn't it?

Coming soon: "It's the thin end of the wedge" www.worldofmoose.com/collections/...

I see one of the papers is running a story about white poppies. People have been wearing white poppies since the early 1930s. They aren't a new thing and someone wearing a white poppy doesn't undermine someone else wearing a red poppy. Some of us even wear both. You can wear one, both or neither.

I'm not sure that Paul Eddington's character in Yes Prime Minister led particularly well, but his character in The Good Life led better.

Obviously, I wouldn't want the star of the Fast and the Furious films to spontaneously explode, but, if he did, it would be tasteless to run the headline "Pop goes Vin Diesel."

A few minutes ago, my dad said "don't forget about that." Now, the jukebox in my head is playing Simple Minds because, apparently, that's all it takes to set me off.

I don't think anybody is buying the argument that sectarianism didn't play a part in the Presidential election. I think Humphreys would have lost without this element anyway, but it was there.

Leave the clocks alone for pity's sake. Please. I don't care what time you settle on, just pick one. Please.

This is a hot take and I'm generally pretty clueless, but, if the reports about the scale of spoiled ballots in some places in the south are accurate, and if it's a genuine indicator of how disenfranchised some people feel, then that is not a good thing.

1) Do you ever feel utterly inadequate? How is this fella managing his blood sugar and running marathons? 2) He only raised £2000? www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Twice in as many days, a lady talking has made me jump out of my skin at a bus stop. The first lady was asking me about my breakfast. The second lady was talking to a child as she walked past. If that's all it takes to make me jump, I shouldn't watch horror movies.

The Palace of Westminster is literally going to either burn down, kill someone, or both because spending money to save it is perceived as so politically toxic.

Advert for protein powder: "Thinking about your health doesn't have to be a full time job." Me: "No. My full-time job only takes 37 hours each week. And I get weekends and holidays off."

I think a teenager just called me Rupert Murdoch because I was reading a newspaper.

2 girls on this Glider sitting beside each other. Both scrolling tiktok. Neither wearing earphones. I think I might go insane.