I'm not angry recently and I don't know who I am. I know what I am without the anger, boring.... I'm boring as fuck.

He died doing what he loved: rollerblading into oncoming traffic.

So now I have some family again. After so long without anyone it is weird....but I think I'll get used to it. Well until they realise that I'm still an absolute arsehole and walk away.

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I just farted

So why am I nervous about meeting my grand niece for the first time tomorrow? I don't do nervous.

Snoop Dog be sellin out for anyone with a jingle and a blank check

Them: Tits or ass? Me: Someone who will hit me in the face with a shovel.

I'm not outraged today so I'm going to drink some more coffee and think about why.

Life becomes so much easier when you learn to find contentment in crushing disappointment.

But, I don't want to be the rational one. <pouting>

An ionizer, but to get the stench of your ex out

Eating salt water taffy..flavor unknown. Let's name it rancid.

drank too much last night and would have slept in but the neighbors lawn mower woke me up. I was going to say something to him but he can just mow around me.

I said “hubba hubba“ when you bent over to clean up cat puke, please respond.

I want to go to Octoberfest but I really don’t want to be around a lot of people. The struggle is real.

Still haunted by the donut hole I dropped, rolled under my car seat & got away.

Of course, romance is dead. The internet killed wonder. With no wonder, there is no romance.

Why don’t Catholic Priests ever win any races? They like to come in a little behind.

Shut the fuck up, I'm going to bed. Oh yes that means you over there pulling faces. I fucking see you.... knock it off dipshit.

What the fuck is 'mastodon'? Is it some other thing I can ignore? Why do I give a shit? Why am I still, after 10 hours drinking, not asleep? These and many other questions will be NOT answered in the next episode of 'What the fuck matters anymore?'

I'm guessing that being American right now is like being in an abusive relationship. My suggestion for both situations....kill the cunt.

I've only just found this so I'm pushing it on you all even if you've already seen it. youtube.com/watch?v=DS0v...

[At restaurant] Kermit: I'll have the BLT Miss Piggy: Kermit: Miss Piggy: Kermit: Waiter: Would you like that with fries or pork n beans? Kermit: ᴳᴵᵐᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᴵⁿᵍ ᵖᵒʳᵏ ⁿ ᵇᵉᵃⁿˢ

I think we can all agree.

If you think you're having a bad day remember there are always people worse off than you. Some of us have to work with flat earthers and conspiracy theory lunatics.

I'm drinking beer and watching Faith No More music videos. I think I've pretty much peaked.

if bluesky fails, i will just stand in the street corner yelling my posts

Happy Anniversary to all the projects I continue to never finish.

Sit rep on how fucked up my world is. I just tried to order some extra utility knife blades off of amazon and I'm, apparently, not old enough to. I wouldn't be bothered but I've bought several sets of kitchen knives, one of which I had delivered to someone in America, and a fucking axe from them. 🤬

So I've been a supervisor for 2 weeks now and I haven't punched, kicked, stabbed or choked anyone. This is personal growth.

I've had a week off work and I've achieved absolutely nothing. I'm actually quite proud of this.

Dream a little dream of getting hit by space junk.

Is there anything more satisfying than getting day drunk on a Monday!? If there is let me know.

Her: No, you hang up Me: Hangs up

Spoiler Alert: he gets nailed to a large "t" and then assholes misinterpret everything he ever said

[getting escorted out of the cemetery in handcuffs] Maybe the REAL buried treasure was the friends we dug up along way!

We all only get between 0 and 100+ years on this planet. Why the fuck do so many of us want to spend that relatively short time being angry because we don't agree with someone else!? That's rhetorical by the way, I know why. It's because too many people are fucking stupid.

I disagree with some of you. I don't let it ruin my day. I don't feel the need to argue with you and try to make my opinion more important than yours. I get on with my life. I'm an adult....this is what adults do. If you disagree and want to argue.....well, I've proven my point.

I got a promotion at work. Yes the guy who has a murder clown as his avi and talks total shite got a promotion. All I'm saying is anything is possible....if you can bullshit well enough.

*throws drumstick in the air* *catches drumstick* "Yeah....that doesn't really count as a transferable skill...are there any other reasons you're suitable for this role?" Anyway I didn't get the job.

all of this existential dread at no additional cost? we are truly blessed

Can anyone name a really good metal band from America? I'm talking proper metal like Sabbath, Priest, Maiden. Once again I'll wait.

There are about 20 people here I want to party with. That party would get messy, there would be a lot of alcohol, pretty sure there would be a few bongs, lots of laughter and tears and a lot of ridicule but it would be fucking fun.

*Wears a Bon Scott t-shirt to an AC⚡DC concert*

How many dark Satanic rituals have I unwittingly participated in by accepting but not actually reading the terms and conditions? I'm sorry about your first born.

We all thought we were fn cool and we all thought we looked amazing in the 80's. The truth is we did.....in our own minds. The funny thing is kids are now dressing like we did.... fucking idiots.

Phil Lynott was a fucking legend and I won't hear a word said against him. That being said, Gary Moore was a better musician.... and had a better voice. This is just the truth.

Every great band has at least one lunatic in it. Seriously name one great band that didn't.