Is it really kindness if I’m trying to kill you with it

was just told by a doctor that I need to "limit and reduce stress" in my life but then he refused to put me in a medically induced coma -- pick a side, man

Is it just me or are bribes like 70% air now

rip prometheus he would have loved marshmallows

Whenever I’m looking for something I lost and I find it I spend a little more time looking so no one can say it was in the last place I looked

National Treasure in spanish

guess I’ll go back to eating paint chips :/

what if I just didn’t do anything

chapo roan

Afraid my friends are sick of me talking about my mental health so throwing this into the void instead

I think I have reverse seasonal depression because holy shit this summer has been so bad

People freaking out about having a socialist in the NYC mayoral residence but OK with having a fascist in the White House.

Due to a series of stupid events it turns out I didn’t take my meds this morning

I’m going to be working with a non profit who worked on models to prove that keeping people out of prison saves money in the long run because this convinces people to invest in the work. Personally I would be fine if we had to pay to keep people out of prison

“Posting through it” implies an end

Needed some food for the soul so watched Speed Racer

New Yorkers: good luck today and remember not to vote for or even slate anyone who is a known sex pest

a thing that I cannot process: how does Gorsuch have so much empathy for 19th century Native Americans and none for anyone else. would he think his own rulings are fair if he read them 150 years from now?

had to move because my spot in bed got too hot

"it's a part of my childhood" no you just have bitch ass loser disease!! get well soon!!

The only thing I’ll ever use AI for is this

It’s a good thing Congress isn’t alive to see this

You know that thing where you want to be aware of what’s happening in the world yet hide from it all for the sake of your own mental health? Yeah that.

Every day this place feels more and more like Mr. Bone’s Wild Ride

His name is Tom Homan because it would be a lie to call him human

Hey John Roberts, I heard your mom didn't discriminate on the basis of sex either 😏

I love supporting artists. Will never regret spending money supporting artists

Raccoon rogue

These are cracking me up!! What a delightful idea. Thank you so much @prookal.com!!

More like indicupboard bc I’m going for snacks

I don’t think “we should send ICE to Trump hotels!” is making the point you think it is

I don't think I've ever felt more like burning it all down than I have while witnessing the elite project to turn Zohran Mamdani and Brad Lander into scary, incompetent monsters while turning an actual incompetent monster, Andrew Cuomo, into a merely complicated fellow who just made an oopsie.

cop: do you know why I pulled you over? me: because you had an emotionally distant father, an overbearing mother, married a woman just like her, your kids hate you, and you’re taking your anger and frustration out on me? cop: [holding back tears] because your gas cap is open

the transgender urge to buy a laptop and then put so many wacky stickers on it that you cant use it in public

Are the two people who drove their cars into people yesterday and the person who shot at people in Utah all white men? The person who murdered Democratic politicians yesterday was. Are we allowed to connect the dots? Will be media write exposes asking why white men are so violent? Or no?

Me driving: AHHH I HATE THIS SO MUCH THIS IS TERRIBLE Me after I arrive at my destination: oh boy I made it ☺️

🫡

Just walkmogged some waitcucks at a traffic light’s pedestrian crossing. Enjoy the cold, dears - I’ll be over here, fifteen steps ahead of you and in touch with my city’s heartbeat

I know prayers don’t work because I wake up every day

If this universe were a playthrough of a game I’d reset

Anyone else have “that one back crack that would fix me”

Main character energy is OUT, this summer we’re bringing NPC energy. We’re posted up at the bar dropping lore and suggesting side quests. We’re leaning casually near a locked door and saying “I don’t think you have the key for that” when someone tries the handle. We’re staring at a tree.

I don’t want to read about a former President’s mental decline because a journalist got a book deal. I want to read a report about the current President’s mental decline by a journalist brave enough to speak out now.

If you’ve sent me a text and I didn’t respond please know that I didn’t forget you, you’ll live on in my subconscious as a vague sense of dread forever

I'm tired of virtue signaling. I want to vice signal

I love supporting artists. Will never regret spending money supporting artists

Bruce Willis’ performance in Die Hard is straight up masterful. Not action movie masterful, not “good for its genre” - masterful by any metric. He builds so much emotional scaffolding in the first thirty minutes that we are absolutely tied to him when he gets desperate. Bathroom scene is INCREDIBLE.

Sometimes I watch action movies and ask, if I was in this situation in real life, how far would I make it before failing/dying/giving up. Like in Die Hard, there's no way I would book a six-hour flight to attend someone else's office Christmas party

I don’t think I’ve made a worse financial decision in my life than developing good taste