It’s a crime that we are never gonna get a Jessica Williams/Harrison Ford buddy movie

Oh, and look, here's that class action suit! That anyone with half a brain would have seen coming! From, like, a million miles away! Just because you work in tech doesn't mean you're smart.

I just woke up from a nap and read this as Kate Winslet will play the female Gollum and thought “sure, I’d watch that”

Luckily, there are enough unflattering photos of Pete Hegseth on Getty Images to last a lifetime

Thread!

As a man with size 17 feet I would simply dominate Pete Hegseth as the alpha.

This month in my 🧪🔭⚛️ column for @newscientist.com subscribers and library users, I wrote about how telling the difference between a galaxies and a star cluster actually isn't always easy I loved prepping this column, the universe is so great 🥹

I need this so much

Yes and I want to make it my personality today

Did you know? In 1985, Rome and Carthage finally made peace. www.latimes.com/archives/la-...

[March 11th, 1986] Exactly one million days have passed since the foundation of Rome on April 21, 753 BC.

i would not have published this story, as someone who's read literally thousands of threat bulletins cosigned or circulated by the FBI

me looking at that 17 degrees in the forecast for monday

I cannot stress enough how good he is in SHRINKING

My first two thoughts: “That title’s going to sell some books.” “Why no article? Why just ‘View’?”

Context unnecessary

I guess I finally will read Moby-Dick, although it will probably be inferior to the version @abbaetha.bsky.social and I cooked up. (It was mostly Poseidon and the whale talking smack and it was AWESOME.)

I contend that Around the Horn was the peak of the hot take sports debate format bc at least you had Reali and his arbitrary and silly scoring/muting to balance the whole thing out. Now it’s just a desk of four mfs arguing for the sake of arguing.

I cannot look away as long as Dr Prescod-Weinstein is wearing those earrings. And I have ADHD! I am the QUEEN of being visually distracted! THESE EARRINGS ARE MAGIC. (Or maybe it’s like when you dangle keys in front of a baby and I am the baby. Whatever, THE EARRINGS WORK)

Alright fam, here it is Moby-Dick Rocks!!!; or, put down the AI and read a fucking book. by Chanda Prescod-Weinstein earrings by Ear Art by Ebony London

March: the rickroll of months

I liked the part where he’s like “oh right Wilt Chamberlain, but anyway, back to Kobe—“

He honored Kobe's legacy by not stopping when a—[Vaudeville hook yanks me off stage]

People also forget that the first Rambo was about a homeless soldier with ptsd harrassed by the corrupt cops

You know how David Puddy used his downtime to stare blankly into space? That is ALSO a better use of one’s time than fcking gemini.

WHAT IF YOU JUST WENT FUCKING BIRDING INSTEAD www.androidpolice.com/i-use-gemini...

again, if you put this into a work of fictional satire about the Presidency, people would think you're laying it on a little too thick and yet

Civil forfeiture is one thing I’ll never respect; stealing from ppl overwhelmingly ILLEGALLY JAILED is that on another wild ass level. They are making certain the ppl they target don’t have shit. Even if they get out of all these court proceedings with their lives.

we dare you to find a museum more ready

Also I just realized that Mr Yeti and Randall Park dressed identically in the 90s. The hair was also the same

Real office fans know why this is funny..

this genuinely made me laugh

THERE IS NO PLACE I WOULD RATHER FOOD

If you don't use alt text, my dog will poo on your floor.

omw to a national security briefing

So is there a way to determine if Grammarly has nonconsensually turned you into an 'expert reviewer' without being sent a screenshot with your name in it?

The 3 genders

Five-byline alert: 🚨 “.. An ongoing military investigation has determined that the United States is responsible for a deadly Tomahawk missile strike on an Iranian elementary school, according to U.S. officials and others familiar with the preliminary findings.” www.nytimes.com/2026/03/11/u...

This is still happening. Meanwhile the president bombed a school of little girls. thecrimsonwhite.com/127432/news/...

Heeheehee!

“The cocktail is infused with dry rub,” says Satan.

Dear god

we deserve to be nuked from orbit i am convinced original sin exists now that it's the espresso proteini the calvinists were right

So looking forward to this book and scheming to get a group of coworkers to come with me to one of the dates 🤓

2 yr ago, I tried to put a RO on my cousin who was on meth and broke into my house multiple time, vandalized, and attempted setting the house on fire with me and my partner (and dog!) inside. I had 6 separate incidents caught in 4k w/ mult cameras. Cops wouldn't even review it. Had to get a lawyer.

Also, to all the a-holes claiming “THIS IS NOT WHAT I VOTED FOR!” ⬇️⬇️🖕

Did you know? If you read this while exhausted AND with ADHD, your brain compiles the following formula: 1 kestrel = 1 cup flour + 1 stick butter + 1 ball of yarn

Meteor: late.