“I’ve failed midterms before, so that’s saying something.” [Lmao] It’s just the beginning for y’all. New England sends their sympathies!

Attn Black people, stop scrolling. This is not a drill: Chicago

Red Sox choke. Goodnight.

1 - 1 Whatever. We’re taking game 3.

Nathaniel Lowe looks like he appeared on HBO Real Sex and I'm here for it

jane goodall made me believe i could just go up and hug any wild animal

Welcome to Heaven, Dr. Jane Goodall. You made the world a better place.

RIP Queen

A group of white women is called a privilege

LET'S GOOOO, FUCK THE YANKEES

1 - 0

Fuck.

DT mi pregunta es, ¿dónde están los archivos de Epstein?

2 - 2

Luck of JB? 🙃

Goodbye Al. 🥺

If Nintendo sues the White House, I’ll forgive them for everything.

I miss my 50-year streak of not knowing who the Secretary of Health is or anything about them.

Taking extra strength Tylenol now, so I can upgrade to super autism.

Joe burrow sounds like a town in Massachusetts if we are all being honest, Joeborough, next to tyngsboro

DISNEY: "OK, we are putting Jimmy Kimmel back on the air. You can resubscribe now." ME: "I unsubscribed because you immorally bowed to fascism. I'm not going to resubscribe because you immorally bowed to finances."

🤞🏻 🤞🏻 🤞🏻 PLEASE 🤞🏻 DON’T 🤞🏻 FUCK THIS UP 🤞🏻 🤞🏻 🤞🏻

Atrocious.

JE11

This should be on billboards everywhere 🫠🫠🫠

Harriet Tubman was born while John Adams was alive and died when Ronald Reagan was alive. Adams: 1735-1826 Tubman: 1822-1913 Reagan: 1911-2004 When Adams was born, Hydrogen had yet to be identified. When Ronald died, he could’ve been listening to Hoobastank.

Your Friday timeline cleanse! ☘️

1-1

Grrr…..

Boutte, Boutte, Boutte rockin’ everywhere

Wu aint nothin’ to fvck with.

he's a 10, but he yells "come at me bro" anytime he sees something out of the corner of his eye

Well done Boston! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Please stop calling it a "political assassination."Charlie Kirk wasn't elected to anything, and calling it that elevates him to something he wasn't. It was not an assassination. It was a murder.

Live your life in such a way that when you die, people aren’t able to cite thousands of comments you’ve made advocating the deaths of others.

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

I was today years old when I learned its 📏 not 🦶🏼 😅

I took a solo trip to CT today! My only regret is I wish I stayed longer, but I wasnt trying to get caught in a tornado on my way home. I bought my dream plant, a Monstera Albo cutting. 🥰 #PlantSky

Taking the twins out for a stroll Lily Lake, Estes Park, Colorado

He sounds like he eats cigarette sandwiches. He looks like he's been sampling all the diseases at the CDC.

Warms & hurts my heart. 💚☘️

I just want to live in a country that isn't hell bent on destroying itself.

so jealous of cats. imagine wanting affection and just getting to headbutt someone for it

They should send Dean Cain down that slide in Boston.

Plum Island wylin’.

The atoms within you once burned in the heart of stars, chaotic and lifeless, and yet here you are, after half a dozen or so billion years, arranging them into love, questions, and hope. You are a miracle, a thermodynamic miracle.

14:48 into the game and I missed the first TD. 🙃 #ADHD

I’ve blocked ten people today.