me: it hurts when I do this *looks at phone* doctor: *sobbing at phone* sorry what

@darthbluesky.bsky.social @hollyanderson.bsky.social I know he’s not a hound but surely yall have some Durham area followers in need of a new sweet pup.

big No Knives sign at the entrance to the gun fight

Emily Litella up in arms over Sidney’s weenie

Dear Jeebus please help Powell to recognize that “WHAT EVERYBODY KNOWS HAS TO BE DONE” means PUMPKIN BITCHSLAP

Congressman Stephen F. Lynch @lynch.house.gov

It’s the same for me with Colonel, Lieutenant Dan

“Sit on it”

okay now that you all have gotten a taste of America's rational and predictable new trade policy, everyone who wants to build your new factories here just form an orderly line

Fuck the cosmetic industry and their unattainable beauty standards

Holding up a little sign that says “please stop” as the notorious serial killer, Illiterate Bob, stabs me to death

I hope America is as lucky as the delta jet - everyone survives but the right wing explodes

ask not what your country can do for you (slight pause) to reiterate, just don’t

In a manner of speaking, yes.

what we need is a separation of cult and state.

Poetry Foundation not fucking around with today's poem of the day www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/89897/...

Is this the timeline that will produce the William Henry Harrison of Grover Clevelands

the week between christmas and new years is Wonka week because I eat so much fucking chocolate and im going to die in a weird way

Appropriatest coffee mug

What I thought would kill me, by age: 0-20: Russian nuke 20-30: AIDS 30-50: Terrorists 50-present: the people who copied off me in high school.

*takes a left at the light* My groceries in the back: 🍍 🥚 🧀 🥚 🥚🥚 🥖 🥬 🥚 🥚 🥚 🌽 🥚🥕 🥫 🥚 🥚 🥚 🍓 🧅 🥦

Why can’t a man in sexy footwear enjoy his dinner in peace..