Every time Americans shoot each other over parking spots they are living out the intentions of the Founding Fathers

how do you take 22 minutes to say "cheesesteaks and pussy"

big sis this, little sis that, hey middle sis, wanna go chainsmoke outside an all-night diner? c’mon, i’m buying

I'm as black as the moon

for my next trick, i shall have *reverse seasonal affective disorder!*

Another lil blip

Yes Mir, we get it. You're the easter bunny

i wonder what @mcnostril.bsky.social 's rabbits are up to this easter remember eat some ham shank in their honor o7

We gotta kill car dealerships specifically in the states. Just a pure force of evil. Aside from being weird archaic middle men they are a rock solid fundraising source for republicans.

“go back to the moon but this time we have really good cameras” was a fantastic idea

you have gained additional "it is what it is". would you like to equip it to your quick access slot?

i am a simple being, i am not immune to riot grrl covers of classic ballads

it was very brave of KSBD to have a big tiddy immortal sorceress and not only make her homely, but far and away the least beautiful of the 7 worst people in the multiverse

Sabbing is strong but dabbing awkwardly into the wrong pose and acting like I'm hip is is delicious sadism

Every once in a while you remember you're 30 so you stumble upon random lingering fears from more powerless times in your life that no longer have any kind of valid justification

the thing that really sucks about the “egg prime directive” is its yet another example of something by, of, and for a marginalized community getting altered and co-opted by bigots, and now we’ve lost access to another bit of community wisdom

Me and seattle have so much in common. I also get excited about getting lightly railed

Camp for trans women where we can act like we're 14 in a safe environment until we get it out of our systems

this made me mad but was relatable so I had to buy it

Got another one!!!

HOLY FUCK! I can't believe I have a LEGIT LEAKED COVER FROM THE ELDER SCROLLS 6!!!

I have just realized what this account is about

"yeah i'm totally skilled at knifeplay" does a line of sneezing powder

apparently my brain has latched onto the concept "increasingly stupid ways to do fear play"

i think this is my line in the sand now if you actively use the r-slur, and are not interested in learning why you should not do so, get the fuck out of my life

i am so goddamn tired of hearing queer, trans, and/or leftist people using the r-slur and saying they can reclaim it because they have severe brain worms (which absolutely suck btw, i’m with ya there) just, like, arrrrrghhh have some fucking empathy

Well well well, who's laughing at the $700 3DO now

Is she single? Is she free on Friday to choke me?

maybe i want someone to grab me by my hips and drag me closer and press their dick against my ass while i try to thrash out of their grip

Im sorry delicate waifish hairless femboys but i will never love you. I like grown ass men with hair and pubes. i like sticking my face between two asscheeks and coming out with a hedge growing in my retainer. you arent the man for me and thats okay

damn bitch, you unalive like this?

At chili’s

someone's deepest sexual fantasy is car loan paperwork everything is a god damn fetish shut the fuuuuuuck up

maybe i should officially dedicate one asscheek to tattoos of silly characters

if i ever say “her” and you don’t know who im talking about, it’s safe to assume either my therapist or puerto rico

real cylinder hours

i’m not even a little ashamed about this shameless repost for getting in the raffle, natalie’s shit fuckin riiiiiips

🫠

source: i smell like this

if you want to know a robot smells like, mix equal parts girl, bearing grease, and blood

there's such a spiritual annihilation to the landscape of the colonized midwest, there's nowhere to hide it's so scary out there

“hey my pussy is mad fucked up, wanna grab coffee?” networking game 𝘶𝘯𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥

All the homies saying “hell yeah, gender is a construct let’s get wasted”

With every passing day this image becomes more and more illegal

"Monsterfuckin's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it" "But... nobody's asking you to--" (angrily wading in and unzipping pants) "SOMEONE'S GOTTA DO IT"