I used to drink and I still know things

What does everyone think the local, state, and federal tax rates should look like for AI services/products?

this soup will give me the energy I need to *falls asleep standing like a horse

Man, I miss Certs breath mints. I need far more drops of ‘Retsyn’ in my life

A Swiss Navy Knife, with 12 different attachments, all of which are utterly useless

History repeats itself because nobody listens the first time

I inadvertently dressed like Shaggy 😅 (I went back in to change)

I miss Bob Newhart

“maxxing this” and “maxxing that” but has anyone even checked to make sure it’s okay with max

Managed two whole straight hours of sleep; not bad! Watch out world

When the Seahawks scored more than 20 dollars, I knew the Pats were finished.

one day i'm gonna make a post so good everyone on the internet is gonna see it. then you'll be sorry! you'll ALL be sorry!!

Want something to cheer you up? Imagine the rest of your life trying to *travel*…if you were Pam Bondi. FUUUUCK SON… There, aren’t YOU awesome?! 😀

I heard Jeffrey Epstein is in the Trump Files

Happy magaversary everyone

I’ve decided that instead of saying ‘employees’ I’m going to start using the term ‘worklings’.

what really matters is dividing energy by the squared speed of light

Io, Saturnalia!

Someone called RFK Jr ‘Hoggle from Labyrinth’ and now I can’t unsee it

it would make me feel better if I had a pamphlet available on hand to give to people I am meeting for the first time that has a bullet point explanation of the strange behaviors they are about to witness

Okay how about an instant ‘community notes’-type feature *built in* to texts and posts, so that it fills in a rebuttal *as they’re typing*. IE, “vax = autism!” or “tariffs aren’t tax!” posts will just auto-label. EVEN IN THEIR PHONES. The feature cannot be disabled.

Since the Pedo threatened to have members of the Federal government killed, shouldn’t the FBI or Secret Service pay him a visit? *AWKWARD*

Did we ‘fall back’ yet? Because, if so, can we fall back again?

I'm a glutton for SEVEN memes.

The youngest picture of you Is also the oldest picture of you 😶

Shitload of immigrants on that Dodgers roster, I dunno…

The Senate passed a resolution Thursday that would undo many of President Donald Trump’s tariffs around the globe, the latest note of displeasure at his trade tactics in Washington that came just as the president celebrated his negotiations with China as a success. https://to.pbs.org/4qBxmFY

what the hell gut, did the probiotic i took this morning mean nothing to you?? ungrateful

Oh my god

And on the fourth day God said if you cut the penis your sons will know so many facts about whales

We should all take a ton of meticulously posed face-only-selfies, and use those exclusively as our personal emojis. Just…go through each emojiface and copy it facially. Post as needed.

Just reflecting on the military addresses today and I just can’t shake this weird, disturbing thing. Trump wants to be a dictator. We know it, we see it, but he can’t even show up to something like this and be serious or focused. We’re all endangered by the laziest and most entitled asshole alive.

Charlie Kirk and the Horseshit Hagiography

As a "quality over quantity" type of guy I simply don't own anything anymore

So…are they still here??

Now that the ‘circle kirk’ is over, how bout them Epstein Files?

It's only "Nazi" if it's from Berlin. Otherwise, it's called "sparkling fascism".

it helps ME focus, but my co-workers are distracted by my Fidget Scimitar

Not that it matters I guess, but Pam Bondi has aged at a rate of about a year per month since she started her stint. You love to see it

Hey Charlie Lemme tell you the story of the scorpion and the toad

I’d like to introduce everyone to my new AI chatbot, *MeGPT*! It will be handling all my posting duties, since it’s been trained to think just like me. G’head, ask it something!

Had *long* overdue hernia surgery today, my unwanted second genital bulge is finally gone after 10 months. However, if I so much as pick up my cat in the next 4-6 weeks I’ll DETONATE into a pink mist. JOEY NO LIFTY

I wonder if *IT* will be like in my D&D campaigns, where the evil mage is defeated, and the hyper-powerful ‘Charm’ magicks fall apart, and the Afflicted stand around blinking and wondering where they are and his Fell Lieutenants all fall apart in the daylight and the kingdom is saved

Maybe the National Guard will come across the Epstein files in their sweep

I wonder what *specific* accounts all the tariff money goes into. And who can access those funds, and for what purposes they can be spent.

The sort or people that engage in pedophilia and then try to cover it up are the sort of people that would happily tamper with an election and not think twice. Just sayin