english isn't for cowards. if you're not saying 'torpify,' that's a skill issue. there's no Académie Française telling you what to do. if you try to type 'pallific' and freak out when you see a little red underline, maybe you're not ready to roll with the big dogs.

dear seth rogen i am available to be in the writer’s room for THE LITTLEST HOBO if you need help writing THE LITTLEST HOBO i am available to write it exclaim.ca/film/article...

Lammy Blows It (repost)

platner USED TO BE a piece of shit. spiked up blonde hair, itty bitty jeans, chicken spaghetti at ciccolinis. you would not have liked him

Me rn

I got hit with "You look like Magnus Carlsen" tonight at the pinball arcade après trivia. And she wasn't even hitting on me?

Kash Patel’s Eyes Fall Out

I bet mushrooms fucking hate being called "plant medicine"

we always need more brave and principled haters

Dropping large brass spheres on the floor at 2am is a sacred ritual in upstairs neighbor culture

I like that imitation crab is still just blended fish lol. Like it’s not a vegan alternative. Imagine if tofurkey was just chicken with food coloring

If Barenaked Ladies wrote $1,000,000 today they would say "I'd buy you a Kei truck"

hey alexa how to make fertilizer hey alexa how to make fertilizer no ammonia hey alexa how to make fertilizer no ammonia not a bomb hey alexa how to make fertilizer no ammonia not a bomb no bomb instructions hey alexa how to make fertilizer no ammonia not a bomb no bomb please no bomb no bomb

Unemployed friend: Dude we should open a Steely Dan themed bar. The drinks will all be named after different songs. We can call it "Black Cow" Me (dreamed of this exact scenario playing out leading to the bar burning down with him in it leaving me with the insurance money): Sure

this new restaurant is an all-day ode to american classics with a modern twist? they have shareables?? AND handhelds???

I guess Billy Bishop is an airport in this case and we're not talking about WWI themed porn

primer for non-nba fans tuning into the finals: the knicks and spurs will have to find the letters N, B, and A that are located somewhere on the court. they'll be given clues by helping various people – chasing down a little kid's lost balloon, helping a farmer return his chickens to the coop, etc

People are now debating what the proper earring placement is.

The does the Trivago guy look like old Rainbolt

commercial flights can be a good deal if you actually want to go to whatever the plane’s destination is, but if all you’re looking for is a place to sit it’s a total ripoff. most places offer benches for free

thinking about that period of time where they invented the word "metrosexual" to describe a man who showers

Oh so you're telling me the young people of today grow up in a culture that is both the same and very different to that which I grew up in and I need to adjust my brain accordingly while still recognizing our essential sameness? That sounds like some shit a guy born before or after me would say.

Good luck to Mayor Mamdani and anyone else who may be affiliated with him in the upcoming basketball championship

plato's cave: the video game

the things you can do to these people is only limited by your imagination. all it takes is the will and the commitment to the idea of the rule of law. you can literally draw and quarter them. you can keelhaul them.

The only tokin' cost crisis I wanna deal with is getting too stoned at work!!!

The Enhanced Games is kind of a stupid odious idea but it would be cool to see an MLB game where they let the pitcher put whatever sticky shit they want on the ball

Q: Be careful, James! That device is no mere phone. In addition to making calls it can also discreetly record conversations, take photos, and even tap to pay at contactless checkouts

Vermeer’s Girl With The Pearl Earring will be shown in Osaka, later this year, and the press conference was as Japanese as you’d expect #Vermeer

you do kind of have to hand it to trump. despite being a mediocre person with zero redeeming qualities he's somehow managed to make himself into one of the great world-historical monsters

every time you self censor with an algo-friendly cute euphemism i see how weak you are

forks wouldn't be so smug without their precious little tines

I love chemistry not only because you get to learn about the fundamental building blocks of all existence but also because you get to hear the coolest names of all time like Victor Grignard, Vladimir Markovnikov and Lise Meitner

committing seppuku when the MC at my uncle's retirement dinner implies that i am not a guest of honor

my eco friendly takeout container basically melted over the course of a 15 minute walk so i've got kimchi juice in my bag and am also now a neoconservative

Legendary wiki entry under Personal Life. RIP.

getting blocked for this reply probably felt good as hell

Canadian Tuxedoes on the other hand have never been more in. Throw a denim shirt and hat in there even

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little to no money in my crypto x FTX wallet, and nothing particular to interest me on twitch, I thought I would discord surf a little and see the wavy part of the chat.

these are the stims you find when you’re exploring the Palantir offices in a post-apocalyptic video game

this mfer One Piece at a Time'd Fort Knox

message that comes up when you want to close mobydick.exe

cute girl on the bus: what are you listening to? (in my airpods) 𝐼 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑑𝑎 𝑡𝑜𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑡. 𝑂𝑜𝑔𝑎 𝐵𝑜𝑜𝑔𝑎! 𝐼’𝑚 𝑑𝑎𝑡 𝑇𝑜𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑀𝑎𝑛! me: Beethoven