Someone needs to lock Matt Damon in his fucking house. You know how much money we've spent bringing his ass back home???

It's Coming Home

“You just couldn’t hold it, could you?” the Oscar-winning filmmaker said as he kicked his victim off the toilet seat and delivered a violent swing that shattered the porcelain stool.

Please, please, please let this story make the print edition…

A big lesson the Burnham Government can take from the Starmer Government is, simply, don't score spectacular own goals in your early days on account of pressure from those who don't share your values or agenda.

Morning all, someone has done it at last 😹😹

Not Sam Neill. Fuck.

It’s like when your food is taking a long time to come out so your server brings some free bread to apologize for the wait.

I don’t understand why Trump gets so much stick. According to his Truth Social posts, he’s ended the Iranian war seventeen times. No one has ever ended the Iranian war as much as him. Impressive 👍👍

I really miss the age when actors looked like Brian Dennehy.

Kale is wank. Yeah, I said it.

Don’t send a man to do a woman’s job

Free entry to lovely people. X 🕺 @thatbeerplace.co.uk

keir starmer calling infantino to try and get that red card overturn and it somehow ends with harry kane getting suspended for the rest of the tournament

I can’t remember who told me about it now, but I truly hope that whoever introduced me to peanut butter & sriracha on rice crackers is having the best of Sundays. 🫡

Jonathan Banks reprises him Mike Ehrmantraut character from Breaking Bad for a message for America’s 250th "There is right vs. left. And there is right vs. wrong"

Note that the BBC a) leads with Farage's denial, and b) leaves the ally's criminal conviction out of the headline

Probably the most significant investigative headline of recent times. www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/...

Carl Cox just entered the gif/meme hall of fame, didn’t he. And I’m so happy. ❤️🪩🕺

Happy Jaws Day to all who celebrate.

new metaphor just dropped

20 YNWA ❤️

Apparently posting about Donald Trump's dodgy stock trades is 'too much free speech'.

Just seen my first Restore Britain sticker on a lorry on Eton Road. I’ll be honest, it’s pretty fucking disturbing.

The most obvious answer for “Why is MAGA’s most respectable far right propagandist hiring so many mainstream British political commentators” is “The British press is ram-packed with utterly repellent wingnut cranks”.

So.., we are opening a pub at some point.. the Cup Inn , Cuppin street, chester. FYI that ain’t the actual sign!!!

BREAKING: I've secured a parliamentary debate next week on banning all MPs' second jobs. Farage has pocketed over £1 MILLION from outside "work" since the General Election. Being an MP is a full-time job. No MP should be out chasing lucrative second jobs. Let's end this racket!

Waterworks.

So this is what you call a toll that you do not want to call a toll….

hey dads!!!! kids are only for in it for the inheritance of your vintage porn and vinyl collection... fuck them off and come for a pint/ glass of wine.

There’s a lot of shit Dad’s out there, but here’s to the merry few. X 🫡

Watching this tearful. He. Them. She. They’re what we should aspire to 🩶

Michelle and I had fun surprising the first group of visitors to the Obama Presidential Center on Juneteenth. Come check it out!

This story currently leads BBC Scotland. But down here in London you have to scroll all the way down past the London news, the World Cup, whatever the BBC calls its Reels equivalent, more World Cup, weekend picks and 'lazy summer recipes' to the 'around the UK' to see it

Why doesn’t everyone love Acid House?! I genuinely don’t understand.

It’s no wonder the Swiss never get involved in wars. The army is too busy opening tins, boring holes and scaling fish.

Some days being a parent is tough and some days you get a Father’s Day trophy off your 5 year old that says “I luz yoo.” ❤️ I luz yoo too little bear. Xx

Not today Nige, you despicable, grifting, twat.

Reform have now lost six by-elections in a row in England, Scotland and Wales. Their national poll rating is 26% – below Labour in 1983 – and Farage’s approval rating is -37. They’re very far from the voice of the people and need to stop being treated as such.

Fuck Fatage.

Thank FUCK for that.

Working on an environmental drama about a seismologist living in denial: “Not My Fault.”

"WITNESS HISTORY IN DALLAS" is certainly a *choice* for an advertising slogan, FIFA.

In a calamity of a world, Widow’s Bay has (ironically) been a wonderfully unexpected treat. Everyone involved is operating on such a unique and exceptional level. Can’t wait to go back. X

Jesus fucking Christ, England are shit and boring.