"don't capitalize the second president."

Slimer would do normal cums, weirdly

Okay so if they make a movie Francis McDormid is a shoein right

Hey guess what the show High Potential sucks

I was on season 1 of this and the electric team got let go for season two and I feel some kind of way about that.

Babyback Ribs to the Future

so cool when a movie is Good like damn yall rlly made a movie here

🫡

Is it? Is it a shame? Is it like... a shame?

The English language desparately needs a word that basically means f***** without the gay connotations. Does that make sense? It's becoming increasingly important that we find one

Where'd we get the word hurtle from? Like if I'm hurtling toward a brick wall, where'd that word come from?

DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED

Matrix 5 gonna be lit

DONALD TRUMP HELP ME I FLIPPED MY CAR AGAIN

everyone knows this is the funniest tweet

I do say this a lot about a lot of stuff, ET first and foremost

Was the Grink there is the tweet that gave a term to me and my bestie for YEARS of mistexting each other

The best tweet of all time, hands down.

I always love this one.

There was a series of tweets on how to describe the band Cake to anyone under 30 ("spoken word poetry at a bowling alley", "Weezer with a trumpet", "half-time ska because the guitarist has carpal tunnel") that slaughtered me at the time

I made it my life mission to reference this as many times as I can

This is my personal funniest all-time tweet

Watch them criminalise the next musician protesting war crimes whilst saying nothing as Kanye West is booked as a headliner. The creative industry and government is really telling on itself

reminds me of "HOBBY LOBBY'S ROBBY HOBBY: HAMMURABI"

Think about this one like once every 45 minutes

I can't believe the "New Yorker" REJECTED this cartoon!

Sure, like from Star Trek II

And speaking of love, it drives me crazy to see the rise of masculinist rhetoric (which can only make young men miserable), when my personal experience is this: be kind, be understanding, be there for each other. Be kind. Be kind. Do the exact opposite of what those awful influencers say.

THE GUN IS GOOD THE PENIS IS EVIL

"A man would shelter, if he could in the nook behind this new plywood. The building, abandoned, the man is too. How I wish you'd imagine if that it were you" Seen in Rochester, New York

The more I stay on track with paying down my debt the more I get bombarded with "hey here's all the credit cards you're pre-approved for" "hey why not take out another personal loan" This economy is sick and designed to keep people stuck in debt for their entire lives

I regret to inform you that ‘Dad Rock’ is no longer Led Zeppelin and AC/DC, it’s Kings of Leon and Panic! At The Disco.

Immigration is good for the economy

The minimum amount of money you should receive as a disabled person shoukd be at least as much as a non-disabled person would need to live in your area if not more because disability insures additional costs not additional discounts

Everyone is mad at Hasan Piker for the wrong reason. The right reason is that hate watching cable news is still geriatric behavior even if your conductor is super duper sexy.

The crowd at today’s #NoKings protest in Orlando is absolutely MASSIVE. It’s much larger than the turnout at the last demonstration in October 2025! 🇺🇸✊

"Earth, Hitler, 1938"

Not satisfied till he goes to the basement of said hospital (I imagine that's where they would have the morgue)

Pym, you like Terriers? Bring it in dude, I knew you were cool

What about my face encourages people to discuss the fucking stock market with me?