Just bookmarked one of my own posts like the spectacular loser I am.

Woken up by a 1am missed call from someone I haven’t spoken to in months and months, or actually seen in over a year. Random.

FFS, I’m not ignoring anyone, I’m just plucking up the courage to do a selfie and frighten the bejesus out of it with my best Patrick Moore expression. If this place goes down, it was probably me.

So today on my day off I intended to catch up with all the washing, complete my appraisal forms, change my bedding and mow the lawn. Instead I’ve done two loads of washing, slept for three hours and watched loads of Dexter.

Day off but I popped into work this morning to pick up my laptop and SOMEONE HAS USED MY CHAIR. Then left it wedged against a box so I had to do parkour to get to my desk. No jury and all that, yes?

Went to a gig on a school night, walked silly steps, bounced and sang and now I think I may need a new hip (and also possibly some new knees). Loved it. Thank god I’ve booked tomorrow off work.

Who the hell wakes up at what they think is their usual 3am, but transpires is only 11:35pm on the same day they fell asleep and what should they do that doesn’t cost loads of money and isn’t housework now that they’re wide awake?

If anyone needs me I will be in the museum, lying down next to the bog bodies.

Certain celebrity deaths are harder to process than others because the person in question was so full of life and creativity and originality that you just assume it's never going to end.

The biggest spider I’ve seen in years just walked across my bedroom floor so if anyone’s after a pony for their child to ride on, I’ll see if I can shoo it out from under my bed because it’s plenty big enough.

Guard your shoes and sleep with one eye open…..

Now I’m falling asleep and she’s calling a cob

This could be a long and rambling thread. Be patient with me. I bought an old mahogany bureau on Ebay. I didn't really want a bureau as we're meant to be downsizing, but it was a beautiful piece & obviously very old. Google lens suggests the brass chased handles are Queen Anne. That's 1702-1714 😯

Recovered from my work week and the corporate socialising I had to do, had my flu jab and caught up on all the washing and housework so I’m ready to start my weekend now. Oh.

Bin down. Bin down. Possibly plural.

bintys-retro.teemill.com Hey you guys….. Check out my site. Free shipping all weekend from tomorrow 💋

I had to do a corporate work thing yesterday which involved being sociable with people I didn’t know for nearly seven hours so that’s me peopled out until at least 2027.

As a binman you’d be a bit stupid to claim that the reason a whole street’s bins weren’t collected was because they weren’t put out on time when everyone has ring doorbells that prove the exact opposite, wouldn’t you?

If I were to commit a robbery there’d be signs

not sure what language this is, i’ll try to find out as soon as i’ve posted this letter, reaching my fingers through as far as possible to ensure a precise delivery

The thing they don’t tell you about getting older is that staying up really really late one night can ruin your entire month

my daughter really captured my essence in this portrait of me “at work”

WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THESE? Actually, you could’ve just told me they were gross and I’d’ve avoided them which would infinitely help my waistband.

Apparently I am a twat. I don’t know why it’s taken her this long to realise it.

Someone was trying to take a portrait of their two fave Chickens, and this happened.

It’s not long past 4am and I can hear police sirens. Who is breaking the law at this godforsaken hour and WHY AREN’T THEY IN BED? I am so old.

Anyone need lap armour? craftysharp.etsy.com/listing/4360... #Catsofbluesky

He thinks he’s a potato.

Style lessons from Robert Redford, one of the most stylish men in the last century. 🧵

Got to love living near an airport when that orange buffoon flies in, eh? Noisy fucker.

I woke up at half four this morning, BUT I fell asleep before 9 so I actually feel human today, as opposed to being a horrible moody cow, which was absolutely me yesterday. Let’s celebrate! Although not too hard as I don’t want to waste my new-found energy.

I’d like to announce that yet again I have not made it through a year without being bitten by something in the garden and having a reaction to it. Yesterday’s beastie actually drew blood and wore giant hobnail boots.

This is Finny. He doesn’t go chasing waterfalls. He carefully studies their timing and arrives in advance. 14/10 very impressive (TT: jordancain70)

Everywhere I look is a binfire so I’m off out into the garden to attempt to fill both garden bins before it smashes down with rain later. Send positive thoughts and pray for my frizzy hair.

oh my god someone slashed our tire

I’m on the train wearing noise cancelling headphones and I’ve just burped. I have no idea how loud it was. That’s between the other passengers and God now x

Behold the incredible picture I took of the moon the other morning! Oh. Sorry.

I slept terribly last night because I was stressing about not being able to sleep tonight due to it being the anniversary of the dog waking us up just before all the smoke alarms went off at around 4am because our smart meter caught fire under the stairs.

Well that still wasn't as scary as a call on the landline

Guess who forgot about the alert and decided to have a nana nap at quarter to three.

I am inordinately pleased that I don’t have to put outside clothes on tomorrow.

She has decided to take a nap in my sleeve

I’ve actually reached the end of a reel of Costco foil.

Nearly got run over on a zebra crossing in the rain this morning by a woman overtaking a van that had stopped to let me across. She came flying round on the wrong side of the road and was not happy when a shocked me swore at her so I doubled down and let my hand fall in a ladylike gesture at her too

Sharing this from Instagram, as it appeared in my feed, and I've hurt myself laughing at this. From KellyCooksWhat on Instagram.

Got our CMAT tickets for next year.

I’m at the “is that a bead of sweat running down the side of my forehead or a creepy crawly in my hair?” stage of gardening.

There are some really boisterous kids playing in one of the gardens over the back and I’ve just heard one scream “MUM! UNLOCK THE DOOR” and now we know she’s a bit tired of them too 🤣