if I catch whoever has woken me up at 4am with fireworks the last three mornings in a row I will make them EAT THEM

A story in three parts

Not now, carnivorous death ball

if I’m understanding this correctly, the original idea of democracy was that the elected people represented the electorate or they got replaced by people who would. it may seem weird to us in today’s society but people in the olden days had all kinds of crazy notions

"You'll meet someone eventually" is well-meant but just not always true, it's down to luck. Some of us aren't going to meet the right person for us, we're destined to become a vaguely sinister slime that lurks in bogs to drag unsuspecting walkers to their doom in our gloopy depths and that's okay!

please let this be the thing that finally gives trump a fatal aneurism

the us just got a little more dickless

why the FUCK are you setting off fireworks at FOUR AM

The govt’s plan to push the Treaty of Waitangi to the edges of our education system has facebook comments jumping. Lots of “The Māori language is pointless, you’d never use it for anything” Right alongside “I can’t understand half of what is said in this country because it’s all in Māori!” 🤔🤨🧐

world war 2

dollars to donuts this is the result of some kpi bullshit

welcome to mr beastro. I will give you two hundred thousand dollars if you eat this steak with peppercorn sauce. but there’s a catch

obviously the people complaining about how some new medium-density housing in my suburb is going to ruin its essential character are the same people frothing to start the multi-year process of drilling a hole through the hill underneath the suburb to shave a few minutes off their commute

Del Toro should remake Heart of Darkness but focus on the hypocrisy of colonialism and how its own innate savagery eclipses that which it ascribes to those it colonizes.

a fun thing about Halloween is you can be at the chemist to post a parcel and see someone getting fired by someone dressed as a candy corn

my theory on this is that people are so used to the idea that The Algorithm has them utterly dialled in that they (consciously or otherwise) believe they *deserve* to have everything they encounter be about them

using the bathroom at the library, call that an information dump

This meme made me laugh.

she request on my us-east-1 till I 503

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Midsommar and not noticed the painting in Dani’s apartment of a girl in a crown kissing a bear.

They’re naming the aisles at New World after suburbs: Brooklyn, Mount Cook, Wellington City (?!), Hataitai, Roseneath. Aisle 3 (international foods) is currently blank, but if you look closely, you can see that someone has apparently had second thoughts about “Chinatown”.

this clip from the movie shows Luke getting one of his Cool Hands

is there some kind of rule now that when a pilot gets shot down in a movie they have to show them safely ejecting before the plane blows up? it’s happening a lot lately and it always feels just a little forced

obviously I would never celebrate a person being put in danger or made to fear for their life, but also I don’t think of ICE agents as people, so have that for dessert

Life advice from a feline friend 🐾 Please open thread and scroll through, if you’d like to read the comic 🐈‍⬛🤍

How I ask my boss to leave early on my Friday.

I’m on the bus and there’s an ad on the screen for “the airport express: where will it take you?” and like. hopefully to the airport, otherwise idk

what if the patient is suffering a stroke or some kind of palsy? what if the patient has a muscular or neurological disorder? fuck, what if the patient has had botox?

Charlie Browns mom: Waaah wah wah wah waaah waaah waaah wah Charlie Brown: oh, you mean pigpen Charlie browns mom: Wah way. Waaaah wahwahwah wah wah waaah waaaah wahwhawah wah wah Charlie Brown: yeah I get that. It’s pretty bad over there but I don’t think they hit him

We live in an age if miracles and it seems quite the fuck up that a bunch of us would prefer to see other people suffering instead

you can tell trent reznor is a radiohead fan because he ripped off two separate kid a-era tracks for the tron score

WHAT IS ЮLE & BAKE

Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks

Crazy how with these people it's always AI that's "here to stay like it or not" and never like gender affirming medical procedures or something

Thought I saw a man trapped inside He was small, he rode around on a light-up bike In only sixteen kilobytes — Natalie Imbruglia, “Tron”

In the last three minutes I’ve seen half a dozen quote posts of the same ai video just to say that it’s ai. I thought we were past this.

it's officially the time of year to add "it was also the night that the skeletons came to life" to every song

wait so are they supposed to be supported by their parents, or are they supposed to move out so they can go where the jobs are? WHICH IS IT, MOTHERFUCKER

whenever i encounter people who say they can't understand shakespeare verses I always send them this clip from the 2019 Shakespeare in the Park production of Much Ado About Nothing

key lime pie implies the existence of several other lime pies that are somehow less essential

A lot of rice is used in Mexican cuisine, but they don’t seem to go in for fragrant rice like basmati. I looked into why, and it’s because arroz by any other name would smell as sweet.

"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gondor," i holler as i overturn my uncle's funeral pyre and turn the 4th Age of Man into the 4th Age of Shit

Stuff undermining the truth. Israel didn't block the flotilla, they committed an act of piracy in international waters and illegally captured people carrying life-giving humanitarian aide.

covid can eat my entire fucking ass

cancelling my netflix subscription because I’m a purist about alien robot genitals

very much looking forward to not being a person for a bit

bro you look like you drop common items