To my understanding, this is an accurate summation of the state of schism:

Congo, might I suggest: massive cramping the whole team somehow

Tough choices today

and just like WWII they can't count on Italy for shit

it's possible, I guess we'll find out if they meet later in the knockout rounds OH WAIT!

huh so all Germany had to do was score four on Paraguay? huh.

A GOAL FOR CANADA, A GOAL FOR ALL OF THE WORLD NOT HAVING TO WATCH ANOTHER HALF HOUR OF THIS

Iran really got undone by someone intervening against them, so I’ve been hearing. And you know, when I hear that I think about how there’s someone who can intervene for you. Would you like to learn about Him?

A detailed list of important things that happened during Cape Verde/Saudi Arabia’s first half:

that Muslera howler got the full ¡ay yi yi! treatment

pausa de hidratación

time to post my absolutely favorite meme

the lamelo ball trade some relief in charlotte

Not to labour the point about the Two Basic Rules of Football 👇 but tonight Ecuador: 1. Hoofed it out from the back 2. Put it in the mixer & beat four time winners Germany and qualified #properfootball

Kane walking over to the ref and pointing up like he's looking for where his shot landed

Harry Kane just Wondolowski'd that

Play the hits youtu.be/BTWWT_qZgpE?...

College hoops metaphor: this was a spirited comeback by the 5 seed in a first round game

@statsbywill.bsky.social btw I’ve never been more sure of the US losing their next game than playing World Cup Penny

ball-knower, with Paraguay playing the role of ECU.

Can’t believe they exposed that ref to fentanyl…

🦅

Rebecca: "Chaps, Alexi left us" Zlatan: "Who? Rebecca: "Alexi will be back, Alexi will be back with us very soon" Thierry: "Your plan worked, Rebecca" Rebecca: "Don't you bring me into this, no chance" Zlatan: "America, you're welcome" lmaooooooooooooooooo

It is so cool to see Own Goal thrive at the World Cup after toiling for years at DC United.

we score right in our net every time the pressure’s on

CAMERON BURGESS?! www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzVK...

thanks a lot Abunada you fuckin sieve

Excited for the upcoming Qatar match-fixing scandal. What in the absolute fuck

Croatia's not tired yet!

we doing this again, huh (post the best picture you have ever taken of your pet (if you feel like it))

“Kids with autism will never play baseball”

The second Fox’s in-studio flag gets fringe on it, Zlatan’s gonna do to Lalas what he’s been wanting to do for weeks

oh yeah also obligatory: ¡AY NO! !DESASTRE! ¡QUÉ MALA IDEA!

Cape Verde

Spain got a ways to go but I bet they can tarmac their head coach after that

Ah, não! Um desastre! Que péssima ideia!

Good to know the Saturday 12 PM west coast game is every bit as dead in the World Cup I guess

Same number of rings too

Me: What time are the World Cup matches today? Lil Jon:

Playing through Balogun after playing through Ferreira/Sargent four years ago is the “more flavor in one Dorito than a peasant had in his lifetime“ tweet

A Scottish client yesterday on a call said the most Scottish thing I’ve ever heard: “I’m coming to America for the World Cup.” “Oh which match are you seeing?” “England Ghana, I got my Ghanaian kit the other day.”

while the timeline seems busy talking about terrible people, casual reminder that the French Open final *also* has rancid vibes like, it's so sports dire out here we gotta count on Knicks fans this weekend, hoo boy

late and to the back of his head, I assume. but you only got one shot now so make it count.

F this.

Legge’s out? aw man. (kinda think rain in Charlotte was gonna kill the double anyway, but still: damn.)

honestly we should’ve known how this was gonna happen when we had to count on Everton to do something

Jon Champion’s calling it for Spurs! Phew. This was close.