social media was a wonderful brain toilet for every random half thought you didn't want to bother real people with before they decided to move all of society and infrastructure and government inside of the toilet

I crave, for tea tonight, a massive pizza like off of 80s cartoons.

Immediately the most 1980s a thing as I can remember. - Fashion - Garbage Pail Kids and Transformers references youtu.be/LQhX8PbNUWI?...

“What you gonna do, brother, when many cumulative thousands of milligrams of Fentanyl run wild on you?”

legend

"Every morning, regular as clockwork, foul-tasting brown sausages fall out of my bottom. Who puts them up there and what are they trying to distract me from? 🤔"

Talking of The Plantagenets, which I weird coz I must have heard/read it somewhere and it’s gone in subconsciously. Pitch for a 70s detective show starring Red Richardson (Peter Richardsons lad) as Plantagenet. This has replaced my interest in fictional detective Jack Lozenge in “LOZENGE”

I'm brave enough to admit that I would, in fact, buy this the day it goes on sale or see it opening night. Yes, I would.

Oh is it? Awkz.

I keep pictures of it on my phone for just such an emergency.

Thursday. And, once afuckingain, I find myself on a train that is not part of the Wuppertal Suspension Railway network.

Do they have to be notable authors? Or can I have anyone that’s done an autobiography who I sort of fancy a bit? Jayne Middlemiss did a yoga DVD, surely that counts for something?

Wanna lathe?

IT IS NEW T-SHIRT WEDNESDAY. tee.pub/lic/bkDX1H5q...

11 millionaires you’ll never meet, whose job is to knock a ball about for a bit, in a sport where there’s ALWAYS another game*, shouldn’t affect anyone’s mood for more than a few minutes after. Football is supposed to be a distraction to entertain not an identity. * unless a club is very badly run

if i lived in popeye town and one day i saw a ropy little sailor punch a huge guy so hard his skeleton flew out of his mouth thats the only thing i would talk about for the rest of my life

Someone should tell Matt Le Tisser that it’s ok not to know stuff, or to be able to understand and explain everything. Not everything needs to be a conspiracy. Some of it is just complicated science you don’t need to worry about.

Not knowing what the worst people in the world were thinking every fucking day

The Travelling Whaleburys

Crosby Stills and Splash

Lxds. I’m absolutely sure not one of the other eleven hundred and billionty quote posts have mentioned it, but that is a quite a lovely euphemism for burying one’s face in a mille-feuille.

Update: Have alighted on the side of: Grudgingly respect he’s monetised a very similar personality to my own whisky being ferociously jealous and performatively annoyed. Please ensure any records are maintained accordingly on this, gods own internet. Be lucky X

And this should be painted white and be an art gallery

This Is Just To Say I have turned off the AI features that were in the update and which you were probably hoping to monetize Fuck you they were stupid so unnecessary and so annoying

Crowds of strangers collude via WhatsApp to descend, en masse, into any previously quiet shop (or part of thereof) that I have wandered into a moment before. I believe I am being targeted by a shadowy cabal of irritating/shambling bastards.

Escorts bestcorts 🖤

“Marijuana” is the only English word which rhymes with cities in Mexico (Tijuana) and Slovenia (Ljubliana), limerick writers may wish to take note.

Did not sleep tremendously well last few nights, plenty to worry about, so fortifying myself for the afternoon with “the lunch of champions” Future me, at about half six will DEFINITELY thank me.

Going to televisions “that London” for work tomorrow. Didn’t think to look for tube strikes, as I walk… there’s going to be no bugger there.

Jane McDonald belting out Give Peace a Chance non-stop in the show bar

Avengers '98 is on ITV4 right now. This is not a drill.

Thank you for your attention to this splatter.

“Today’s thing” a few days ago was the return of TFI Friday. Lots of people I follow talked about it, as is the way with “today’s thing”. I went back and watched some. It’s made me feel old and set off my horrible relationship with the linear passage of time and relative age of people/events to me.

Happy 80th Tim

“It’s not easy having a good time.”

Maybe we only work under a Portuguese manager Tony? #NFFC

“Yo dawg, I heard you liked adverts. So we put ad breaks in your advert heavy, over-sponsored, brand synergy, billboard of a PLE*” * in partnership with Riyadh Season, Slim Jim, RAM Trucks, Mortal Kombat II (only in theatres), Snickers, Prime, Wheatley American vodka, C4, Wing-Stop and Dude Wipes.

Morgan Gibbs White looking to get into the plane, while adding a few quid to his asking price. Good lad. #thefootball

Saw that news story about a robot winning a marathon. Obviously. It’s a tireless set of servos. As long as it’s got batteries it’ll keep chugging along like the Duracell bunny. Thank goodness it wasn’t “the wrong gender”, else we might have had a real issue with sports lxds!

Siouxsie Sioux and Peter “Budgie” Clarke of Siouxsie and the Banshees and spin-off act The Creatures (London, 1987)

Entry number one hundred and blimey in the list of “completely fucking irritating people I really fancied at a very specific point in time” I justify this one to myself that it was the character of Trixie Firecracker that I was into, but, I’ve always been basic AF. Hot and ginger… krptonite mate.

I still can’t work out of if I despise Josh Widdicombe or if I’m secretly simply jealous that, if it wasn’t for my emotional resilience, that he’s the one comedian I reckon “I could do that” as well him. He’s annoyingly interested in mostly the same things I am, we’d prob be mates… but that voice.

Let's check this week's #SNLUK Fouracres-o-Meter.

Channel 4 are airing a programme called “World’s Most Secret Hotels”. Nobody likes a grass.

This is a brilliant advert to be fair, logical as fuck, all the information you need. Probably best delivered with a Simon Quinlank voiceover. Frazzles should do one just like it.

TV shows were once a fun thing to watch when you were tired after work and didn't have enough energy to read or walk the dog.

Feels very much like a Sunday. Don’t like it. Possibly my own fault for going to the garden centre. If this persists I’ll have to dupe myself into thinking it’s a bank holiday.

I very much like Doncaster Rovers top

Until I arrived each of the 6 nations shared the display. It’s petty and childish acts like this that I blocked an England football fan for.

SNL have finally put up 45 seconds with Fouracres www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fkt...